Dog friendly? What would you do?

Yes, Joseanne! On my way ?

Yes, me too!

Can I come please?
I promise that I’ll sit on the floor!

You came home. Quite right!

I am sorry you were disappointed in your companions. You seem to make friends fairly easily and I am sure you will find more congenial people.

And it’s a no thanks from me.

But that’s ok isn’t it? Because we can all do what we want.?

Reading through these posts I can see both sides. I would have sat with the OP despite my dislike of dogs. I have spent my life giving in to other people!
Slight different but a similar situation. I have a friend who I see occasionally for a meal. She is a total fusspot about where and what she eats. I always give in to her. On one occasion me and DH went out with her and her husband. She had us driving up to pubs, asking one of the men to go in and find out if they served this and that. If she wasn't happy, we drive to another one. What idiots we are

I must be rather fortunate as the groups of friends that I have would never have left the OP to eat alone, wouldn't think they were being "dictated to" by one person in the group and wouldn't have made a big thing about "compromising". They'd have just said X has got the dog with her so we'll eat in the dog friendly part of the restaurant. Absolutely no big deal whatsoever. No wonder they say a dog is a man's best friend!

A smoker can choose not to smoke on occasions. A dog owner can't choose to leave the dog tied up outside as someone might steal the dog.

Even if the walking group was a crowd of twenty people it's reasonable to assume one or two of them would be aware of the needs of a minority of one.

Here's another analogy. You go out with friends and the restaurant is up a flight of stairs but there is a conservatory at ground level where the same menu is served. One of the group is on crutches and can't make the stairs. You all knew she was on crutches before you set off and other lunchers have often come out when they've been incapacitated. Does she eat alone?

Joseanne and FannyCornforth Can my dog join you and yours for lunch please? She's a very good girl and no trouble at all even when the meal is a picnic and temptingly laid out at ground level.

Haven't read all the comments.

I'm surprised that not one of those who knew you well were prepared to sit with you and your dog. I'd be most uncomfortable leaving someone to sit alone if I was in a group - whether I knew them or not.

I'm not fond of dogs in eating areas - but have found that most owners are considerate and keep their pets under control.

And leaving an animal tied up outside is fraught with danger - not least the danger that someone might steal it!

... find a new group. Perhaps one that has other dog owners in it.

RichmondPark1

Here's another analogy. You go out with friends and the restaurant is up a flight of stairs but there is a conservatory at ground level where the same menu is served. One of the group is on crutches and can't make the stairs. You all knew she was on crutches before you set off and other lunchers have often come out when they've been incapacitated. Does she eat alone?

Joseanne and FannyCornforth Can my dog join you and yours for lunch please? She's a very good girl and no trouble at all even when the meal is a picnic and temptingly laid out at ground level.

No, that doesn’t work does it? The person on crutches doesn’t have any choice.

The OP could choose

Leave dog at home
Take car for dog to stay in during lunch
Take dog and expect everyone to eat in dog friendly area whether they would like that or not

She choose number three. That’s fine. It was her choice. It’s just a fact that other people can also make a choice. Just like she did.

I really don’t get “This is what I want and you must all fall in with it to keep meeeeee happy.”

Actually thinking about the crutches when my husband was in a wheelchair there were times when we couldn’t go to some things because it wasn’t wheelchair friendly.

We never expected our friends to not go just because we couldn’t.

Some (and I stress some) dog owners assume that everyone likes dogs. They don't.

It's not about dogs. It's about friendship.

FannyCornforth

Can I come please?
I promise that I’ll sit on the floor!

No dog at the moment, Waiting to adopt another from a friend with a rescue in Djerba who will arrive early next year. Then we should organise a get together with all the dogs, those of us who <3 them

Agree totally that those who bring dogs into restaurants and allow them to sit on seats, beg at tables, etc- give us all the bad name!

Lathyrus

Actually thinking about the crutches when my husband was in a wheelchair there were times when we couldn’t go to some things because it wasn’t wheelchair friendly.

We never expected our friends to not go just because we couldn’t.

There are alternatives, surely. If you have friends who have mobility issues, you do everything to include them and not make that disability even worse because friends can't be bothered to support. Yes, there will be a couple of things were this will not work, fair enough.

Yes it is about friendship. However, some people will bring a dog along without asking if it's OK with other people. They assume that everyone will love their dog because they do.

As I said upthread, I could not have just left the dog owner, who presumably was my friend, to sit alone. I cannot see how anyone could do that and still enjoy their meal.
I’m not a great dog lover, I prefer cats. But we’ve looked after our children’s dogs sometimes. I prefer not to eat in the dog friendly area, but I could not have left my friend to eat alone. I just couldn’t do it.

I've eaten in some dog friendly places that were fine but I've also been to one I would never go in again. It seemed to have no restrictions whatsoever. It was noisy because some of the dogs seemed to do nothing but bark at the others, especially when a new one came in, you couldn't have a proper conversation. It was a damp day and it smelt of wet dog. And some of the owners had dogs sitting on their knee and were feeding them by hand. It was revolting.

I’m a dog lover and no walk is as good unless he is with me. Your ‘friends’ were rude and unkind, GrannyRose. I would have left and come home too.

GrannyRose, I’m wondering how the morning ended. How did the group members react when you said you were leaving?
Did anyone suggest you stay (and eat alone?!). I’m really surprised that nobody offered to eat with you in the conservatory. During the first part of the walk did anyone express annoyance about the dog being there? I just find it hard to believe everyone marched off to the dining room and left you. Was there at least a discussion about you and the dog? Are we missing something? Did it all end acrimoniously?

Caleo

A smoker can choose not to smoke on occasions. A dog owner can't choose to leave the dog tied up outside as someone might steal the dog.

Even if the walking group was a crowd of twenty people it's reasonable to assume one or two of them would be aware of the needs of a minority of one.

So does that mean you would ask the smoker to join the others in the non-smoking area? And if she refused, would you leave her on her own or sit in the smoky area?

I wouldn't leave a dog tied up either, because, as you say, it could be stolen. It's interesting though, that the choices offered by the OP don't include a compromise on her part, which is not taking the dog in the first place. It's all about what the others should do given that the OP's needs are met.

I'd be interested to know why people think that the others should have sat with the OP? As I've said, I would probably have done so, despite not being happy with it, and I've asked myself why. I am a bit of a people pleaser, so that's probably why, but I can't think of a logical reason. It's not about the rules of friendship, which involve people looking out for one another, as if they had been followed the dog wouldn't be there in the first place. It's about who dominates the relationship, really. I am aware that people pleasers are easily exploited by those who put their own needs/wants first, and as I've got older I've tried to stop putting myself in that situation, but the habits of a lifetime are hard to break..

I would have gone home. I think your so called friends behaviour was really hurtful and unkind. They should never have left you alone.
We have a really upmarket hotel in our town that has 3 eating areas and only the restaurant is off limits to dogs. The food is pricey but excellent. They even have dog beds available in their large conservatory.
My son and his family go there on a weekly basis to eat and they have never had a problem with dogs acting inappropriately. My DIL is wary of them so would soon say something.
I think dog lovers and non dog lovers can co exist perfectly happily so long as the restaurant is run properly as this one is.

RichmondPark1

It's not about dogs. It's about friendship.

Exactly!
Who wouldn't expect a dog owner to take their dog on a 'long countryside walk with a group of friends'? Someone must have known the restaurants regulations on dogs from the outset surely, but chose not to say anything - rather unkind in my opinion.
I am not a dog owner but I can see this from the OP point of view and seemingly that of many others contributors.
I certainly would not expect my friends to leave their dogs tied up outside a restaurant nor would I expect them to be alone during the meal.
Had I been with this group I would have opted to sit in the dog friendly area with the dog owner and stuff the rest of the party because they are not worthy of anyones friendship.