Is this a generation thing or a personality thing?

I'm fed up of people doing this to us - making arrangements for visits then crying off at the last minute. My friend has done this loads of times. Arranging for us to visit then texting me an hour or two before to cancel. I won't do it anymore. My hubby's two sisters and family arranged to visit us (they live 50 miles away) so I bought the food for a buffet for 6 of us but just as I was starting to prepare the food they rang to cancel. I wasn't best pleased so his brother who also lives near his sisters and texts my hubby everyday came with his wife and daughter and enjoyed the food. His brother is not without guilt either. We had arranged to go over after they came back off holiday so he said he would let us know later in the week. We never went as he let us know a night or two before that she was ill. We would rearrange for another weekend. A couple of weeks later he said come next weekend he would let us know later in the week. He didn't say anything all week and texted the night before to see if we were still coming the next day so we said no. We are fed up of people doing this to us so now we play people at their own game.

I'm sure it is a personality thing. I have two daughters; one plans ahead and the other leaves everything to the last minute. However, the good planner often arrives late, the other daughter is generally punctual. It annoys my DH, who needs to plan everything way ahead and then has to leave before the agreed time!

One of my DD’s doesn’t check messages. It can be very inconvenient. I have to text the DGC’s to ask them to advise mum of messages.

I feel the same way about my son and DIL. Everything is last minute. Plans are often hazy. They are disorganised. They forget where they put things. Son is regularly sure he's told us something that he clearly hadn't. But they are both lovely, so we forgive.
I blame technology. We had to plan arrangements, as we didn't have mobiles to text updates or have group chats. We had to phone hotels or restaurants to book to make sure we could get a table, whereas they just Google. We had to tediously check train times on phone, whereas they are a few last minute taps away on a keyboard. We had to make time to go to bank, but now we just fire up the internet. What I can't figure out is why, when they are able to save so much time with the tedious routine stuff compared to when we were their ages, they never seem to have enough hours in the day!

Scottiebear, I think you make a good point! What I find interesting is how different family members are from one another. My late DH and I were always on time if not early and always prepared. DS did not follow our example. I recall our amusement and frustration with him on one occasion trying to print out tickets to an event about five minutes before we needed to leave, having the printer go down, having to borrow roommate’s printer, etc. I find that scurrying around very stressful! It is ironic, by the way, that DDIL found out that four of the five friends who made the trip to Vegas did indeed contract COVID. Fortunately the birthday celebrant didn’t. But of course now DDIL feels justified about pulling out!

Hopefully, when you've reached your sixties, you live your life for yourself and not for everyone else.

I have a DiL who drives me mad with her being late for most events no matter how important, so disorganised its hard to tell what she is doing or intending to do. The amount of time she wastes and other people's due to her "oh it will be alright " approach to everything. Cancellations at last minute not uncommon either usually due to something that interests her more cropping up. I never count on her being anywhere on time and surprised if areangements aren't changed at last minute. Her father is the same, even having been a secondary school teacher. I consider it lack of respect, not a generational thing but a personality trait although being able to cancel, offer apology by text makes it very easy and a generational thing.

Definitely not generational two out of three of my adult children are very organised much more than me third one is a bit scatty although fairly good with time and her children are a bit scatty too although everything always turns out right one other grandchild is extremely well organised and always a step ahead of everyone else
It’s purely down to personality

I am a stickler for punctuality and abhor people who are late for anything. Unless they have a good reason.

If I’ve made an arrangement to meet someone I jolly well go and make sure I’m there, usually with lots of time to spare.

My daughter is the opposite of me. Unfortunately!,

Nanamar. Yep. Been there with the printer thing. Last minute dash to us to get tickets printed because their printers run out of ink. But if they printed in advance they wouldn't remember where they put the tickets. Wouldn't mind, but they've both got good jobs, which require good organisational skills, which they seem to be good at.

I am like you Nanamar. I get really annoyed if people cancel without give me at least a few days warning. The worst is if they just don't come at all or cancel at the last minute when all preparations have been done. I just don't invite them again if it's some trivial reason.

I think its generational, I'm really disorganised & not a planner, but I feel compelled to keep commitments & appointments & to be punctual. I think my life is much busier than my mum & dad's life & doing things when they are originally arranged is the only way I can cope. If something gets re-scheduled, I probably wont remember /find time to do it - I need to make an effort & stick to the arrangement first time round. My AC seem to be much better at re-scheduling & fine-tuning things to suit them.

I think its just too easy now to contact each other so the pressure to be at a particular place at a particular time is less. My kids never worry about meeting friends at a venue for a certain time and if others have moved on somewhere else they just message each other to update. They
will make efforts to arrive a few minutes before time if its a set appointment though. Friends my age tend to say where, when we are meeting but I confess there are quite a few friends who need to be told to arrive 30 mins before the actual time just to make sure they are not late! So I think its more to do with personality than generational. I am one of those who is there much earlier than I need to be and really fret if circumstances mean I am only just going to make it on time or even worse late.

I'm the casual one in our family, my AC are much more organised than me. I will agree that there isn't a lot of communication though. I usually have to check a couple of times to check that we've made the arrangements I thought we had.

Personality I think. I love to have clear days, now I’m retired, where I can what I want.

But I’m a lifelong fan of planning things properly and considering things fully in the planning.

I hate it when people drop out of things at the eleventh hour, especially as I have MS and could wake up temporarily blind, deaf, unable to walk, etc and have never pulled out of anything at the eleventh hour even though everyone understands that I could possibly need to based on the disability.
My partner is constantly dropping out of things with little or no notice and it drives me round the twist.

I always make plans and arrangements and I always keep them. Very occasionally something might happen which can't be helped but I will always contact people immediately if I have to cancel. I would expect the same from them, I would not be happy if I was left waiting for someone who just hadn't turned up. That's just rude.

It's personality. One of my sons is a planner and punctual, the other last minute and spontaneous. My friend, aged 72, and I agreed to meet in a cafe. She is always late, always. I arrived early but when she hasn't turned up 40 minutes late I messaged her to say maybe we should make another plan. She replied, where are you? In the cafe. So am I, she replied. She was sitting three tables away from me, having got there on time but because my hair was tied back and I was facing away from her she didn't recognise me. We laughed so much we had the rest of the cafe in stitches too.

I think it is personality as well.

This Thursday I was hosting book group, there are 6 of us. One texted the group to cancel in the early afternoon as she wasn't feeling well (understandable), then another cancelled about 1 hour before because she had a busy day and was tired. I ended up texting the others to make sure they were coming. It's a bit frustrating. So we went from 6 of us to 4, but still managed to have a really nice chatty evening.

i am like Kim19 . My word is my bond. As an eldest, and having done things like hospital car volunteer, sticking to what I have promised and to be reliable is important to me. However I have had to adapt because of health reasons. So , now if I offer to take friends somewhere will arrange a time etc, but now have to say I will ring before 8.30am if my back is too bad to allow me to drive, but it would not be just for cavalier reasons, just didnt feel like going etc. Probably an age difference and we were brought up with no mobile phones, so unable to change plans easily, but I really would be very unhappy if a friend lied to me about their reasons and would reconsider the friendship level .

I am a "planner" by nature so this would drive me mad.

Many years ago a younger colleague (who worked at another branch) rang to ask if he could bring his friends around to my flat that evening. I knew I would be tired and in no mood for company. I told him truthfully I had no food in for guests and had only catered for one. "Oh dont worry. We will bring pizza and wine!". So I allowed myself to be persuaded into an evening with guests.

At lunchtime I went to the cash machine and spent my time shopping for fruit, cheese and wine. I felt I could not have guests (even unplanned ones) and offer them nothing. Later in that day my colleague rang to say the arrangement was off as he and his friends had got "another invitation".

I told him I had spent my lunchtime (and money) buying in food for their visit. I gave him a real hard telling off for his attitude that it was acceptable to more or less push someone into entertaining him and his friends only to have them dump me when a more desirable invitation came up. His response was that I had a very "old fashioned" attitude and that the world was changing fast. Anyway they were bringing their own food so what he had done was perfectly acceptable.

At a later stage he sent me an invitation to his wedding. I wrote back declining without giving a reason, simply that I was unable to attend. I never socialised with him again (except in a group) and even then I kept my distance. I know that many of our colleagues felt he had behaved in a very cavalier fashion. He got the reputation of being unreliable and what Americans call flaky.

Interesting conversation with my son recently when I told him of my prospective luncheon arrangements with a friend. The date had been made awhile back and he asked if I had contacted her to ensure she was remembering. I said not as I knew she would be there (she was) but he thought that was a decidedly dodgy omission. I guess it sometimes is a generation thing.

Friend called to arrange to meet last week. I sat for 20 minutes, no sign. Then our other friend arrived and told me she had texted her she would be late. No text for me!🙄

I suppose in the past it was more difficult to cancel at the last minute as once someone had left the house you couldn't contact them. Most cancellations now occur because something has happened with friend's GC and they are needed to help out. I had a dad who insisted on being on time and consequently I get very edgy if someone is late. I do like to know ahead what I am doing , last minute 'surprises' are not so welcome now I am older.

One of the main reasons my friend is late is that the phone rang as she was leaving.Why not ignore it or put the answer phone on?
Also unable to leave the house until hair and makeup perfect.