Is this a generation thing or a personality thing?

kircubbin

It’s people like that who are the bane of A&E departments.

I'm very much in the camp of I like plans ahead of leaving and always turn up on time and rarely cancel. I too stop seeing people who cancel twice in a row as it makes me feel crap and like I'm not a priority so leave them to get on without me. Makes me sad but for me and how I feel it's better. I think it's generational and also covid, oh hasn't that upset the world sadly.

Personality thing, including the telling of a blatant lie.

FudgeM, I very much agree with you about two hits and they're out. Sad but necessary.

WhenI was working we used to put on lunches for our volunteers and it was very noticeable that the older ones would always arrive around 30 minutes early and we learnt to cover the food up until the correct time because otherwise one or two would hoe into it straight away ! I notice now that most people 70 plus arrive on time or early - including me. My Mum was a stickler for punctuality and it must have rubbed off. I think it is rude to be late for things and I have a nasty memory of waiting for a friend about for 45 minutes outside a cinema in the rain. No apology whatsoever and with that lady it wasn’t the only time. No longer friends now, thank goodness.

Whatever generation is the case, it remains unkind and immoral(and sometimes illegal) to dishonour an agreement where the other has expended emotion, time, or money because she trusted you to uphold your side of the agreement.

If someone voluntarily betrays another's trust this is at best a casual attitude that will give her a bad reputation among people who know she did so.

In the case described by Nanamar I suppose the financila and emotional success of the birthday celebration did not depend on her daughter in law's attendance in which case the daughter in law was not at fault. The young woman concerned had a good social excuse that absolved all concerned.

This is not always the case as when there are far larger issues at stake than a mere birthday party.

Calendargirl

kircubbin

It’s people like that who are the bane of A&E departments.

surprisingly, she did actually have an injury which the GP could not have dealt with and was treated very quickly.

I think punctuality and loose plan making tends to be a personality thing. As for pulling out of arrangements or letting people down, I think it is a bit of both. I have noticed through the years that people tend to be less worried about commitment. It is something that drives me mad because if I say I am going to do something then that's what I do unless I am death's door. When my son played hockey, team members would say they would play and then not turn up, sometimes aided and abetted by their parents. I expected that if my son said he was playing a match, he would be there because if he didn't go he would be letting down his whole team, the parents who did bother, the coaches and, as importantly, himself.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I no longer make social arrangements I dont intend to keep. I just tell them that doesnt work for me and Im not offering/keeping any appointments at this time. No need to explain or feel guilty.

Out of interest, when do planners begin "planning" for events, birthdays, Christmas? I usually begin to think on what may perhaps need to happen at the day before. Except a few food items I regularly advance make, yearly, for certain meals or seasons - I do no plans longer than the day prior.

We ask our daughters to each select their Christmas date, to be with us, by talking at each other to select the 4 days. Prior we drop their gifts off to their homes, all on a quick drive - no time wasted.

Of course I buy tickets a few weeks prior to travel, that's not what I'm asking. Travel is a fun process compared to just events or holidays.

Can I just say that as far as punctuality goes, ADHD and Dyspraxia can make time keeping an actual nightmare. The ability to judge how much time you will need to get jobs done or get ready is often compromised so each thing you do leads you to be time poor. Organisational skills are often lacking too so time runs away with you. My sister has been diagnosed in her late fifties and she has had this problem all her life. It drives me absolutely insane waiting for her and when her impulsivity makes her make a detour on the way it really looks as if she doesn't give a toss for you standing around waiting. It has been the cause of many a family argument especially when she was the Godmother of my daughter and we were all waiting by the font for her!
Before you throw away good friendships, look up the signs of ADHD as they present in women and you might be surprised. It presents so differently in men so most women sufferers were never diagnosed.

icanhandthemback I have both, dyspraxia and ADHD, and I know the problem, but, while I often get to places by the skin of my teeth, I have never missed a plane or bus or train or arrived embarrassingly late for anything that matters, except when faced with circumstances beyond my control. lesser matters, I admit I do have this problem over being unable to judge time and also failing to notice it is passing when I am hyper concentrating.

I keep my watch running at least 5 minutes fast and use clocks and alarms, for the things where it really matters. I also have a DH who abhors being late and chivvies me.

M0nica, it is hard when you really have to work at things that other people find easy! My only complaint with my sister is that she doesn't optimise the strategies that are available to her especially nowadays with timers on phones, etc. I am affected in other ways but the explosion of technological help has made things much easier to cope with. I still haven't learned to get through a doorway without hitting the frame though or getting something from a shop display without causing chaos but my husband says he always knows where to find me from the tumbling display!

Oh the banging into things, dropping things and the way I get paint all over for me when I decorate because I can always be guaranteed to put my hand on, or lean against the wall I have just painted, no matter how hard I try to remember!