Are you put off from visiting?

In the past people had far less 'stuff'. One of the reasons we do not stay with DS when we visit, is because so much of the available space is taken up by stuff, mostly books, as each person in the household seems to shelter a collection of books, sufficient to stuck a branch lending library.

When we were younger, ‘squashing up’ wasn’t a problem. In her later years my mother’s spare room had only a small double - four foot - bed, but dh and I would sleep very well in it.

Now is quite a different matter. We both sleep far less well, plus up and down to the loo, and there’s no way I will share even a standard double bed now - it feels so cramped.

We are invited soon to a big family get together - the relative who’s hosting has a huge house, so there would probably be room for us, but we’re opting for a nearby Premier Inn instead - a guaranteed* lovely big bed, and the nowadays very necessary en-suite.
*or so I thought until last night, when dh rejected my choice of PI and opted for a much bigger one, where apparently it’s a toss up whether you get a standard double bed or a king size.

I told him a very firm Absolutely No Way!

Ive never really enjoyed staying with people and would not have done so for more than a weekend. Even my own family. Someone elses house is someone elses rules and I like to be my own mistress.

I was in my early 40s before I left my home city and after that I rarely went back to visit my parents. Those of you who have read some of my anecdotes about growing up will know why. Once my grandmother was gone there was little to attract me back. I used to hate christmas. Being a non driver I was more or less stuck there for 4 days.

It's difficult on a fixed pension income - and being old - to economise. My youngest would come home by coach (much cheaper than by train) and sleep on a sofa in the extension when the house was packed with others. My old bones just couldn't stand roughing it like that!

Grannie06 You are very fortunate to be able to afford to pay £50 a week, £200 a month, £2,600 a year, to help your children and grandchildren. many, if not most, people cannot afford that. You are also fortunate that the Premier Inn near your family is so cheap.

DS lives in York, a popular tourist city, it is rare for the price of a Premier Inn to fall below £100. Last time we stayed, which was for 3 nights, as, these days, we do not like driving long journeys (over 200 miles) at night, it cost us over £400.

This is something we cannot afford to do on a regular basis - and we are comfortably off - for those on smaller incomes, doing it, even once a year is prohibitive.

I stay in a Premier Inn 1 night a week to visit gc and pay about 47 if you book it about a month in advance

With very limited spare income as I’m a WASPI I have a tiny private pension to live on until I’m 66. I have very vulnerable fragile elderly parents in their nineties and who live 2 hours away. Very difficult to pay bills and visit.

Definitely. I go to Canada twice a year to see my son and grandchildren. Life is too short not to see family - they grow up too quickly.

Florence78

1 would bring my daughter into the conversation about costs of visiting. 300 miles is going to take a day there and a day back. Why should our children be unaware of these practical issues? For the lady who has to put her dog in care, perhaps it would work out cheaper if she found dog care near her daughter and that would reduce the duration of the dog stay. Mother/daughter/son relationships are a 2 way street and if problems are out in the open, they can be resolved. Adult children are actually adults.

???

Adult offspring are very much aware of at what it takes to make travel arrangements

Her daughter, with kids, may face even more difficult travel preparations compared to the mother

Different phases in life, different challenges

1 would bring my daughter into the conversation about costs of visiting. 300 miles is going to take a day there and a day back. Why should our children be unaware of these practical issues? For the lady who has to put her dog in care, perhaps it would work out cheaper if she found dog care near her daughter and that would reduce the duration of the dog stay. Mother/daughter/son relationships are a 2 way street and if problems are out in the open, they can be resolved. Adult children are actually adults.

I would bring my daughter into the conversation about costs of visiting. 300 miles is going to take a day there and a day back. Why should our children be unaware of these practical issues? For the lady who has to put her dog in care, perhaps it would work out cheaper if she found dog care near her daughter and that would reduce the duration of the dog stay. Mother/daughter/son relationships are a 2 way street and if problems are out in the open, they can be resolved. Adult children are actually adults.

Our son, DIL and 2-y/o GC live in England, and my spouse and I live in the U.S. Spouse is retired; I still work full time, so we can budget the funds ($5,000 per year) to visit them 2x per year. I would do anything to visit my son and his family. British Airways has special airfares in the winter; and we use our tax refunds to purchase the airfare. We also pay for a dog sitter at home; transportation to and from the airport; and a few outings (include pubs) when we visit. We also pay for most of our food when we visit. A few less expenses States side to travel across the pond to see our family is worth the effort to stay connected.

I've done Air bnb, a room in someone's house. They have been different but all lovely in their own way. Hlj can usually use the kitchen so getting a. Packet of cereal, some teabags and some. Ilk means a cheap bfdkkjd so you save on the cost of one at a premier in or Travelodge. I have gone cheap because I don't go away to spend time in a house, so don't need much If you like the place you might be able to stay there on another visit
I'd go but would try and see if I could do the journey cheaper, and remember if you are on a train and it is delayed aim a refund lol

I would go, yes. Especially if you're made to feel welcome.

I budget for family visits, but I also use points from credit cards and loyalty cards to get discounted flights.

I don't know about UK, but here we have stores with loyalty cards; if you save up enough points you can use them towards flight and hotel stays. I stay with DD when I visit, but use points towards the flights.

Have a look, or ask around to see what is available. I use a Mastercard to gain points when I grocery shop, then use the points towards a discounted flight or hotel stay. You may have something similar available there.

If you can possibly afford it I’d say go.
As for staying with AC my DS and DDiL would willingly have us to stay with them, and have done in the past, but like M0nica we find it works much better to stay nearby. Due to health issues and general decrepitude(!) we don’t find it “more relaxing” to stay with family. We only sleep and shower in an Airbnb but we do sleep well and long and don’t have to queue for the bathroom!

If you can afford it then go.Don’t dilly dally,it doesn’t do you any good! Just go and enjoy.You won’t be able to do it for ever so while you can ……go.x

That’s a tough one, but really depends on how you’d feel missing the trip vs the financial impact. I’d go without other things to have a family get together, I think, but that is a lot to spend. But I would not spend £700 to attend a wedding again (hundreds of miles and accom for four and this was years ago). We politely declined the invitation to her next wedding five years later 😳.

Yes I would go. When my granddaughter was younger (birth to 5 years) they lived 12 hours away and we would go for 3-4 days and stay at a hotel near their house. Our gd would stay with us for a mini holiday for her as well. It would cost us at least £1000 as we also took them on a grocery shop before we left.
Luckily for my pocketbook they now live only a couple hours away so we just do day trips now.

varian

We have always stayed with our family when visiting - even if it means sleeping on a sofabed or in a child's bedroom with children doubling up with each other. It's much more friendly and relaxing, quite apart from saving money.

👍🏻

Casdon

Aveline

If we could afford it we'd certainly go. Life is too short to miss out on family connection.
If we couldn't afford that level of expense I might be thinking about cheaper ways to do it. (Bus, Airbnb, blow up mattress etc)

I agree - I’d look for deals at Premier Inn if I couldn’t stay with my daughter, there are discount codes available, and the earlier you book the cheaper it is.

That’s what I’d do, a Premier Inn.
To the OP, can’t your family squeeze you in at their place?
See it as as holiday and enjoy it.

Oops. Sorry. He didn’t “dye” 🙄

After my Father dyed I used to travel to stay with my mother every 4 to 6 weeks. It cost about £500 per trip, I THOUGHT I could afford it then but now could do with that money

However, I don’t regret it for one moment as it’s time we never get back.

Good luck with whatever decision you make x

If you can afford it definitely go. We are spending our money and giving it to our children now rather than letting the taxman have it when we die. There are no pockets in shrouds as they say.