Paying towards Xmas stay

how about a supermarket voucher as a present? that will help tide them over the next few weeks and presents are none offensive.
Maybe as well as taking what you want to for the day. Cooking the dinner and extra heating for people is also an added expense.
I know when DD2 stayed here for a month (over Christmas/Jan baby due and her local maternity hospital do not deal with c sections along with her then 2 yr old ), I did ask for a contribution towards the leccy as they have 5 times my very low income, and she did buy some food towards feeding them as well.

Why are you paying your adult kids. If I’m invited to someone’s place I would ask if I can bring anything and even if they say no I still turn up with something my youngest son mum inlaw invited me for Christmas she said I only needed myself but I took nice biscuits and chocolates cheese board and a Christmas cake lol yes she went mad at me. If I said to my kids here’s some cash they would send it back and say mum we adults now. It’s our turn to look after you. I’ve tried lol

If I invited guests here for 4 days I would have no expectation that they would have to pay me for the privilege particularly family. Shocked at the suggestion that they might think they would have to. However if they came with gifts, drinks or food contributions or wanted to pay if we went for a meal I wouldnt turn them down. In all honesty thats what would probably happen anyway.

I think a lot on here are naive. Of course your loving family won’t ask for money - BUT Christmas is very expensive and taking the odd box of Chocs and bottle of `Wine goes nowhere near money spent for the BIG day.

Agree Poppyred quite apart from extra heating, laundry etc if you are staying over.

Now thinking if we were were asked to stay somewhere for 4 days I would have a conversation about how we split the cost and still go loaded with stuff. Funny isnt it. Never ever thought it could be perceived as an insult. And yet would hate it if people felt like they are expected do that coming here. Oh heck.
Thankfully any invited here are of similar mindsets to us and we none of us have lots to splash around so generally tend to just muck in but would not judge anyone if they didnt. What a good post. Its really got me thinking !!

Poppyred

I think a lot on here are naive. Of course your loving family won’t ask for money - BUT Christmas is very expensive and taking the odd box of Chocs and bottle of `Wine goes nowhere near money spent for the BIG day.

Hang on, one person extra is hardy a massive extra expense, in fact if the bed is normally empty and special Christmas meal is planned there may be no extra expense at all.

Of course if the family is short of cash then help them of you can, but don’t put a price on the stay.

For years whichever member of the family invited the others at Christmas provided part of the actual Christmas dinner, bought the tree and factored in the added use of electricity, heating, and warm water into the household expenses for December and January.

My parents who drove a fair distance to come to us, paid their own petrol, brought petfood for their dog and cat that came for Christmas as well, provided either the wine for the meals, or some of the food for Christmas Day and the following day, as Christmas dinner is eaten on Christmas Eve here.

My aunt often brought dessert, my sister contributed something else. All this neccessitated a fair amount of staff work on the part of the Quartermaster-general (me).

One year when no relatives were coming and we invited friends for Christmas dinner we by prior agreement priced the meal and divided the sum amongst us and asked everyone to bring their own drinks.

These arrangements worked for us and no-one felt put upon or forced to spend more than they really could afford.

We go to our DD’s for 3 days over Xmas. We have an arrangement whereby they buy the food and we buy the alcohol and take it over with us. It works well for us and eases the shopping burden for us both.

I never heard of such a thing. You give and you take, surely.

We do as others do, go laden with gifts, including Christmas cake, Christmas pud, Chocolate log, mince pies and crackers!

I think it may be inconceivable to people who have never actually experienced very lean times. Times where it is a case of heat or eat. For people in that situation money or specified items are what is needed, not maybe the extra (lovely though they are) luxury items, but bog standard basics. If you have nothing, you can't afford to be offended by helpful money. If you've got plenty, you can. I remember a friend at university who went back home for Sunday lunch telling me he paid his mum for it. That shocked me, even though I had experienced real poverty before. Made me remember those bad times. Some of our other friends from comfortable backgrounds laughed at him! So easy to judge isn't it?

Poppyred I agree as well, I wouldn't dream of not contributing
financially. My offspring are all working full time so preparing
the Xmas lunch is quite an undertaking when you are a large
family. All the siblings chip in with food and wine. Having been the provider of xmas lunch for many many years I know
full well the cost of it.

Have just offered but dd refused. Hope she wasn’t offended.
I usually bring lots of Christmas goodies with wine and fizz, chocolates etc and that is enough she said.

THEy arent well off as their mortgage is high.

The OP asked a hypothetical question - a 4 day stay - I stick to what I said in the beginning- £200 at the very least.

Nothing … we always all contribute ie one supplies say beef, another, pork, turkey etc, another vegetables, another made mince pies, trifles etc
Years ago when my children were small, we had up-to 15 seated for dinner, and I was never out of pocket.
My in-laws used to travel and stay over, until and see the New Year but I wouldn’t dream of charging them, it’s family …

Another thought,given todays costs, give them a gift token if your concerned about them being out of pocket … just leave on the side in a thank you card ..

My son provides all the food and drink for Christmas, as it is more convenient for him to do it. Of course I contribute to the cost, it would be very mean of me not to.

We always expect to provide all the food and soft drinks when our family comes to us. As we rarely drink and wouldn’t know what to buy we ask them to bring the alcohol that they would like to have.

I’ve just discovered that my sister used to charge her daughter and husband . Apparently she kept a list of what was used..including things like loo rolls! She is actually wealthy!
My three kids plus spouses and their kids bring contributions.

If they were struggling and we were sharing Xmas with them, we would offer to buy the Turkey and a ham, and probably take wine too.

Otherwise maybe a slightly more expensive gift.

I used to give Budgens vouchers to my DD before Christmas and she could get what she wanted regarding food. I didn’t tell the rest of the family. She also got jet Christmas present. No need to broadcast generosity. Go laden with Christmas extras if you can afford it.
The voucher I sent. I’d collect from the summer onwards. Don’t think they do them now. M@S is an option if you can afford it.

Bromley

I’ve just discovered that my sister used to charge her daughter and husband . Apparently she kept a list of what was used..including things like loo rolls! She is actually wealthy!
My three kids plus spouses and their kids bring contributions.

A colleague used to ask her teenaged children to pay if they invited friends for tea in the early 70s.

My family never offer payment when coming to stay, and I don’t like to ask.

They have always taken me for granted.

And I always used to buy all presents. My son never bought me Xmas presents. I got to thinking that was normal, but

reading these posts, I realise I was being taken for a mug.

Now grandsons have grown up, they only come for the day, but never offer to bring food for lunch etc.
I only see them twice a year, so not overly bothered now.