Paying towards Xmas stay

I save my Nectar points all year, then go food shopping just before Christmas with whichever daughter is having me at Christmas. I clear my Nectar card out (around £100) on that and, although it doesn't cover the whole bill, it's a sizeable sum towards it but it doesn't feel as though cash has exchanged hands.

halfpint1

This also followed my own rules on Xmas presents
If you can't eat it, it's clutter

My mum agrees with that, and so do I to a certain extent. If I need it, I’ve probably bought it. Message to older GC; Please tell me something you really want or I’ll give you cash.
A request for a new bike helmet or a high vis jacket doesn’t count as clutter.

Its all about cultural expectations and feelings imo. I recall talking to an Asian support worker in the care sector who was quite shocked that families didn't help each other out financially as a matter of course when need was there.

But need is all relative, isn't it? Relative, in terms of Christmas, as to what "a Proper Christmas Has To Be" and "what Hosts should Do".

This also followed my own rules on Xmas presents
If you can't eat it, it's clutter

Last year I stayed at my sister's and my niece did Xmas lunch. I gave her and her husband a voucher for a local restaurant they enjoy. I had popped in and asked the restaurant who made up a credit in a Xmas decor. The young couple were were very happy with it

Shropshirelass

I always offer to contribute to the cost but it is always refused, as we live so far away from each other regular visits are very difficult. I try to help in other ways and take loads of treats and gifts.

Yes our offers are too. We take things and we pay for meals out while we’re there as well.

I always offer to contribute to the cost but it is always refused, as we live so far away from each other regular visits are very difficult. I try to help in other ways and take loads of treats and gifts.

I think offering cash for staying might seem a bit odd. I would take stuff instead - it might be a good idea, though, to find out what they would like you to bring, so as to avoid duplication.

As has already been said, a meal out would, I'm sure, be most welcome.

Since my mum developed dementia and was no longer able to host, my sister took over the role as her house is the only one large enough and she enjoys hosting parties. The first year I just told her that I was paying for the turkey and have done every year since then. I also cook a ham to have for supper and make our traditional family stuffing recipe which saves her work on Christmas Eve. I’m the family baker so make the loads of meringues which we have for those who don’t want Christmas pudding and my lemon drizzle cake which my nephew always asks for.

We hosted Christmas for many years and know how much it costs, as I’m sure you all do. My parents & in-laws would buy drinks and nibbles but it used to set us back quite a bit financially with a young family. We’ve been to my daughter’s a couple of times and looking forward very much to joining them this year. I insist on giving my daughter £200 as I feel she can get what she needs for the day. It’s especially hard at the moment so I will be doing the same this year

When I stay at my friends home I take her out to lunch every day and she does a cooked dinner or sandwich tea. I also go to the supermarket with her and buy the shopping.

I'm surprised at the sort o level of :shock, as in, "what! for Christmas!!!! and most of the examples given above are traditional Christmases too as in "I bring the meat and x brings the cheese or the booze"

But in my family there are some on very low incomes and we are very upfront and so I suppose I can't fully understand the "what! at CHRISTMAS!!!!!" conventionality.

Families help each other out in different ways, surely?

I'm fascinated why some above are sort of saying, "well not at CHRISTMAS but we'd slip them a generous token around the time instead...

Although we are 70 now we still have the family and my mother for Christmas day. We have always paid for everything and pulled out all the stops. We have champagne when they arrive and there is always plenty wine and spirits to choose from and as well as Christmas lunch a big buffet later in the evening before they go home. They come in their own car but we pay for a taxi back so they can relax and DH collects DD next day so she can get her car. I love doing it and wouldn't dream of asking for a contribution as DD and family are far more broke than we are

I do dream now of a time when DD does Christmas day as we are pleasantly exhausted when they go home but as she is teaching right up to 23rd of December I don't think it's happening any time soon. I love the preparation and the feeling late on Christmas Eve when the stockings are all filled ( yes I still do stockings for everyone who comes here Christmas day plus 2 dogs) the table is beautifully set and the house is tidy.
This thread has made me think of what we will do if we ever be come guests ( oh happy day!!) Like others we would buy the turkey and come laden with goodies. I think instead of offering money for the feast I would send some in January or a voucher. DD is on a tight budget but I think that if I gave money for the feast DD would go to town with extravagances she couldn't afford in order to be a good host. If I send the money in January she won't be able to spend it all on us when we would be happy with something very modest. Having it all done for us would be the amazing thing. Then the money would be a help when the dreaded January bills came in.

We still have our family come to us including my sister and her family. We never ask for anything but they have given us a John Lewis voucher for the last few years We love doing it.

Nothing-they wouldn’t accept it, any more than we accept their offers of help with fuel costs.
Usually we take things with us that they can’t get down there, e.g. chocolate-ball reindeer, real Lancashire cheese, some of the local supermarket party specialities or things like an extra box of crackers.
Sometimes DD will ask us to bring something specific which are cheaper up North.

My family never offer payment when coming to stay, and I don’t like to ask.

They have always taken me for granted.

And I always used to buy all presents. My son never bought me Xmas presents. I got to thinking that was normal, but

reading these posts, I realise I was being taken for a mug.

Now grandsons have grown up, they only come for the day, but never offer to bring food for lunch etc.
I only see them twice a year, so not overly bothered now.

Bromley

I’ve just discovered that my sister used to charge her daughter and husband . Apparently she kept a list of what was used..including things like loo rolls! She is actually wealthy!
My three kids plus spouses and their kids bring contributions.

A colleague used to ask her teenaged children to pay if they invited friends for tea in the early 70s.

I used to give Budgens vouchers to my DD before Christmas and she could get what she wanted regarding food. I didn’t tell the rest of the family. She also got jet Christmas present. No need to broadcast generosity. Go laden with Christmas extras if you can afford it.
The voucher I sent. I’d collect from the summer onwards. Don’t think they do them now. M@S is an option if you can afford it.

If they were struggling and we were sharing Xmas with them, we would offer to buy the Turkey and a ham, and probably take wine too.

Otherwise maybe a slightly more expensive gift.

I’ve just discovered that my sister used to charge her daughter and husband . Apparently she kept a list of what was used..including things like loo rolls! She is actually wealthy!
My three kids plus spouses and their kids bring contributions.

We always expect to provide all the food and soft drinks when our family comes to us. As we rarely drink and wouldn’t know what to buy we ask them to bring the alcohol that they would like to have.

My son provides all the food and drink for Christmas, as it is more convenient for him to do it. Of course I contribute to the cost, it would be very mean of me not to.

Another thought,given todays costs, give them a gift token if your concerned about them being out of pocket … just leave on the side in a thank you card ..

Nothing … we always all contribute ie one supplies say beef, another, pork, turkey etc, another vegetables, another made mince pies, trifles etc
Years ago when my children were small, we had up-to 15 seated for dinner, and I was never out of pocket.
My in-laws used to travel and stay over, until and see the New Year but I wouldn’t dream of charging them, it’s family …

The OP asked a hypothetical question - a 4 day stay - I stick to what I said in the beginning- £200 at the very least.