How do I deal with a rude 12 year old nephew?

Vintagenonna, are you serious? What an aggressive and damning thing to say about this 12 year old child you have never met and actually know next to nothing about.

Rudeness is not a normal stage of behaviour! having opinions is, disliking being in adult company is but being rude is a choice the child is making, and he keeps making it because it gets him attention and no one is holding him responsible.
the moment he starts, tell him if he is not interested in the conversation go in another room. If the parents object they can go in another room as well or pack up and go home.

HappyCatholicWife, it;s is hard for a young boy to know what a topic is called, or to know what questions to ask. Children need to be led as any teacher can tell you.

At the very least the adults present could smile and say to the boy " life is very frustrating isn't it".

The boy may be ready for basic sociology or psychology adapted for children. I wish him well. Obviously the child does not intend to be malicious, but is expressing his frustration

Sorry Caleo, I think you underestimate that a 12 could do

Vintagenonna

Wonder if new hormones have been invented over the last decade or two.

At some point or other this odious little twerp will find himself facing someone outside the family who won't 'make allowances' or 'reward the good and ignore the bad' and may find himself getting more than a telling off.

It would be interesting to know if this behaviour is tolerated among his mates, at school, at any clubs he goes etc.

Wonder if new hormones have been invented over the last decade or two

Obviously not!

I posted this several weeks ago and there were lots of responses. Several asked me to give an update on how the visit went. The family had been to Centerparcs and came to us from there. I think the nephew had relaxed a bit over the days they were there, although my sister-in-law arrived saying she was escaping from her son-in-law (nephew’s father)! The saving grace of the visit was that there were football matches on in the evenings on Amazon Prime and luckily the TV in the room I had assigned for the nephews could show these matches. On one day they went to visit friends for lunch and on another day we went for a walk at a NT property with other family members and whilst we were there got a phone call saying son number 2 had come back from visiting in-laws so would like to come to see everyone. They all ended up at our house - 10 parents and grandparents and 7 offspring aged from 17 down to 4. We all had a great time - a very memorable afternoon. So, all in all, difficult situation avoided. We have a great group photo of all 17 of us (son 2 knew how to set his phone to ‘delay’) and also several of a tangle of the 7 offspring all trying to get on one sofa at the same time.

singingnutty - alls well that ends well. What a wonderful time you must have had with all the family!!

I agree River walk , this is not normal behaviour and it needs stopping asap! I recognize teenagers can be grumpy and opinionated - but not in my house they can't!!!
My G S is that age and I would be horrified and angry if he behaved like that in my house. He is my DDs son so I would have no problem in taking him to one side and telling him how I feel. I also know I would be on safe ground because my daughter would stand by me.

Glad the visit went okay. Thanks for the update.

It's always touchy to correct someone else's kid. The few times I've been faced with something like this, I pointedly and completely ignore the offending child. That gives the child absolutely no pay off from me and keeps the situation from escalating.