Title edited by GNHQ: Trigger Warning - Really shocked

Oh how awful! What a shame they felt there was no other choice for them.

It is shocking. There is too much pressure on young people. My brother took his own life aged 24 back in the 1970s. You would hope things would have improved. Sadly not.

It is a growing concern with many parents bevispl.

We have a friend whose son took his life 18 months ago. He was in his third year. An inquest was held and found that the university's well being teams weren't fit for purpose and staff needed more training around suicide prevention. What shocked us was that the parents hadn't been notified that their son had contacted tutors to let them know of his worries.

His parents are now trying to get a petition going for parliamentary legislation that will require, amongst other aspects, that universities publish annually the suicide rate of enrolled students. When looking at universities, parents need to be aware of just how good the wellbeing care is, alongside what the degree course is like.

It is tragic. I popover to Mumsnet sometimes and am horrified at the parents pushing and pushing their children to achieve.

There are posts from Mums of 4 year olds worrying that they are falling behind in their reading FGS!; from others who worry that their children are only - only! - doing 3 hours homework a night. And the plethora of out-of-school activities is beyond reason. There was one parent whose child had had just one term of violin lessons and she was carping that the teacher might be not good enough as the child was not making a pleasant sound!

And the schools, with OfSted breathing down their necks, are forced into reinforcing this achieve, achieve, achieve message.

It is insane, quite insane. And so so sad.

"What shocked us was that the parents hadn't been notified that their son had contacted tutors to let them know of his worries. "

They can't inform the parents unless the young person gives permission: they are legally adults medically.

"His parents are now trying to get a petition going for parliamentary legislation that will require, amongst other aspects, that universities publish annually the suicide rate of enrolled students."

That might be possible, tho it depends on whether the young person has been in contact with counselling/SU services in terms of collecting data.

But I think we need to look far further back at how much help is available to even younger people MH wise within our Mental Health Trusts before they get to that stage. My Step niece is a head teacher at a very large comprehensive in the SW of England.

A young person in her area does not get a MH worker unless it is their second suicide attempt.

Please do not blame the underfunded, desperate services - they are desperately underfunded and schools stretched to ID problems early long before students get to Uni.

Before laying the blame at the feet of Uni services we have to look at our society as a whole in terms of social media and their use.
That said, I would want to know what the support services are if my DS were at that age. he did get help when he needed it but that was some time ago when services overall were not so stretched.

I agree Luckygirl.

I agree Luckygirl3. all part of the equation.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have very ambivalent feelings about suicide. I believe that you own your own life and its yours to live or not, as you choose.

Its very sad when a young person decided to end it all. Everyone around them, friends and family have to bear what they see as the guilt of not being able to help that person.

Suicide is the strongest statement you can make about how you feel the world has treated you. But in the end it is your decision. If someone is determined to put an end to their life then I believe it is wrong to iterfere with that decision or to prevent them doing so. I would never act to prevent another person from ending their life if I believed they really wished to do it.

I would quietly walk away without guilt and leave them to execute their choice.

Only - and only ever - if they have had a lot of help and love and they have not been able to respond despite all - meds, therapy, family or professional support. that all investigations into possible physical problems had been carried out which may have underlying causes.

and I cannot see a situation here there would not be guilt left behind unless all around recognised how great the pain had been. These young people are not in that situation.

There is a phenomenon where it is more likely that you will take your own life if you know someone who has done the same.
And it increases if you know more than one person who has done it, and so on.

At the risk of over simplification; it’s as if something so incredibly taboo and unthinkable becomes more acceptable in your own mind.

I remember reading of a small town in Wales where lots of young men all took their own lives.
It was almost like an epidemic.

I used to know an old gentleman who had three sons, all of whom died this way.

There used to be an embargo on reporting suicides here but I think it was lifted some time ago. There is a danger, if the unis publish suicide rates, that there will be copycat suicides. Sometimes with the very young ones you wonder if they realise how final an act it is and how those left behind will suffer for the rest of their lives.

Ah, that’s interesting nanna8, it bears out what I just said.
It’s also noteworthy that there is a lot of stuff online about self harm and suicide.
I think I heard something this week about it becoming illegal to ‘encourage’ someone online to self harm.

Yes there are guidelines about suicide reporting, as what you have described can occur. If I remember rightly this is particularly applicable to young people. I would be interested in the views of organisations such as the Samaritans on the publishing of university suicide statistics.

A family friend, a middle aged lady, took her own life earlier in the summer.The undertaker said she was his 18th suicide victim in three months.We live in a small market town so not a massive population.Very worrying.

My GD's friend hung herself last year ,she was 14.
My GD has mental health problems ,caused in the main by the pandemic .She was /is terrified of carrying it to her ill mother .Its slowly ,very slowly getting better but she is lucky that she has counsellors who call her daily ,who will pick her up for school and chat on the 15 mile journey they will collect her from school if she feels she cant finish the day because "its too people y."
She will leave school at the first opportunity and we are all aware thats her plan .
No one will try to coerce her to stay .
Leaving school isn't an issue ,losing her life is the big worry.Everytime she has a meltdown her mum and I surround her with as much love as we can ,she chats to me online at 3am regularly and as long as she's-- happy-- able to share her feelings I'll be at the end of the line .
Sadly I have known a few young people who took their own life for a variety of reasons .The one thing they had in common was that everyone around them thought they were happy ,smiley confident girls and boys .Apart from the young mum with PNS who didn't get the help she needed and left behind her small baby and its two siblings .
Life is so fragile and precious ,we all need to be aware to look closer and see whats beneath the surface for so many of our youth .

It is so very sad.
Luckygirl13 is correct that, within education, the pressure to succeed starts in primary school and continues right through to uni. It makes the younger children anxious. I am totally against measuring success by academic achievement alone. Welfare and happiness are far more important as making children feel inadequate at an early age leads to disasters later.

Is there evidence that it is academic pressure though? I am not saying academic pressure is a good thing but I am wary of attributing the problem to one cause.

Fanny and nanna8, copycat suicides are relatively common in families too. Both my grandfather when young and my father committed suicide.

I survived a suicide attempt due to someone leaving work early.

I remember being in the ER fighting to pull the tubes out of my stomach.

Suicide is not the answer. It's not a choice to respect, it's a person who has lost ability to engage in life and needs it given back. Its desperation to make a pain stop without hope someone can help.

We need to be more careful with our young people.

Covid hasn’t helped one little bit. Especially the 2 year lockdown here, people are still suffering mentally.

Galaxy

Is there evidence that it is academic pressure though? I am not saying academic pressure is a good thing but I am wary of attributing the problem to one cause.

I'd say probably 75 - 80% academic pressure, because at a young age school life makes up a huge part of children's lives. I'm including everything relating to learning which carries goals to attain and continual assessments.

(PS I have no facts and figures at my fingertips because I'm abroad on holiday, sorry.)

I have just had a look at some of the figures and it appears that a major life event such as parents divorce, break up with a boyfriend/girlfriend, are one of the key factors, plus history of mental health issues and family mental health issues. It's very complex, academic pressure were mentioned but a group that are very vulnerable also are those not in school ( lack of routine/structure.

This is not up to date (2021) but shows that overall suicide rates have dropped over the years.
www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2021registrations

I think the difference is that we now talk about it more openly - and hopefully with more compassion and less shame, like all mental health issues. its still not talked about enough. What paddyann54 describes is happening so much, but a lot of people STILL feel they cannot speak what they feel from fear and shame.

It used to be a crime, remember? Yes, the police would turn up at your house when a dear one was dead.

I do feel very, very strongly about more control of social media however to wipe out sites that could affect the vulnerable at crucial times. I also feel very very strongly about more resources in Mental Health, because what is actually happening is that its talked about more openly, including recognition of it by those in power

but they are not putting the resources in, there are real-time cuts.