Title edited by GNHQ: Trigger Warning - Really shocked

One of my daughter's friends committed suicide aged 14 when they were at school it had terrible repercussions on her family and her classmates. They felt very guilty that they had not picked up on her stress and tried to help her. The expectations of and on the young are terrible.
In my profession, a colleague did the same when she returned after Maternity leave and could not cope with her other children, baby and job.
We are a society who do not accept that not all are highly intelligent with high ly paid jobs. All have to be high achievers.

It is horrible. I once felt suicidal when I was young but didn't go through with it, obviously. I think that when you're young and going through a bad time you simply can't think of a better way out of your problems.

In my own experience, the death of a loved one from suicide is like no other bereavement. The shock is horrendous. Even if you know they are struggling and have made attempts before, you never really believe it will happen. Yes guilt is a major factor. We all tried to help my brother but we had no idea what to do. There was little help back then. It was a long time ago and I have lost many people since then but the shock of suicide is something different.

biglouis

I have very ambivalent feelings about suicide. I believe that you own your own life and its yours to live or not, as you choose.

Its very sad when a young person decided to end it all. Everyone around them, friends and family have to bear what they see as the guilt of not being able to help that person.

Suicide is the strongest statement you can make about how you feel the world has treated you. But in the end it is your decision. If someone is determined to put an end to their life then I believe it is wrong to iterfere with that decision or to prevent them doing so. I would never act to prevent another person from ending their life if I believed they really wished to do it.

I would quietly walk away without guilt and leave them to execute their choice.

I know this is your opinion but I strongly disagree with it. People who feel suicidal may be in a transitory mental health crisis which with intervention could change their mindset. Many peoples lives have been changed by the intervention of others. This could be from the Samaritans,childline, or just interacting at the right moment. I stopped a young lady from stepping in front of a train just by touching her arm and talking to her. Not all suicidal people will be saved regardless of treatment offered but surely we all have a humane duty to try to care for others.

What shocked us was that the parents hadn't been notified that their son had contacted tutors to let them know of his worries.

It seems to me possible that unless tutors have a person's permission to contact their parents, it could be a data protection issue. I certainly wouldn't blame tutors without knowing for certain whether that's the case.

I seem to recall a similar case about a young woman. Again, parents had not been told. We have to remember that university students are technically independent adults.

Joseanne

Fanny and nanna8, copycat suicides are relatively common in families too. Both my grandfather when young and my father committed suicide.

Oh Joseanne I’m so sorry

I completely agree with your post Jaffacake. I have felt suicidal many times in my life but it's not all about me. I couldn't do that to my family. It is devastating. It's easy to say what you would do if you haven't experienced it. It's so much more than 'very sad'. Young people in particular may get over what is troubling them and live a happy life.

bevisp1

Talking with a colleague at work who I hadn’t seen for a while, she mentioned her daughter who’s at university, who recently lost 3 friends who took their own life. Again a few months ago my DH was at work and was privately chatting to a young colleague who was struggling with mental health, it came out that he lost 3 friends exactly the same way. All of these young people were all in their very early 20’s, so sad and so shocking.

My daughter did it a week ago today (see my post) she was 29 and just couldn't cope with this world .... I am heartbroken.

Heartfelt condolences, MadeinYorkshire

Madeinyorkshire my heart goes out to you
I'm so sorry for the loss of your obviously beloved daughter

I'm so sorry many on here have suffered such a terrible loss.

So sorry MadeInYorkshire

Every time I visited my grandmother and said "See you on xxx" she would answer "If God spares me." One day I asked her "Dont you care nana?" She answered "No child. Ive had my allotted time on this earth and I would be quite content if the Lord takes me tonight in my sleep."

My grandmother would never have deliberately taken her life because she was religious and believed it was a sin. However at 96 she had poor mobility and was in some pain. She had reached a point in her life where she could no longer do many of the things which gave her pleasure and saw no point to going on.

This conversation took place late in 1979 about two months before she died. She did not get her wish to die in her sleep. However she did die very quickly from a massive heart attack and probably felt no pain.

Made in Yorkshire so very sorry for the loss of your daughter ,my heart goes out to you x

Oh MadeInYorkshire I am so very sorry to read your tragic news. Please accept my sincere condolences. Beyond heartbreaking.
💐

MadeInYorkshire my heart goes out to you xxxxx

MadeInYorkshire I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, it must be one of the worst things ever.

My Police officer son successfully talked a person out of a suicide attempt some time ago.
Two months later a call came through, same person, this time they'd died.
Sadly some people cannot see any other way out of their problems.

muse

It is a growing concern with many parents bevispl.

We have a friend whose son took his life 18 months ago. He was in his third year. An inquest was held and found that the university's well being teams weren't fit for purpose and staff needed more training around suicide prevention. What shocked us was that the parents hadn't been notified that their son had contacted tutors to let them know of his worries.

His parents are now trying to get a petition going for parliamentary legislation that will require, amongst other aspects, that universities publish annually the suicide rate of enrolled students. When looking at universities, parents need to be aware of just how good the wellbeing care is, alongside what the degree course is like.

I am having an argument with my DS Uni over this.

My DS thankfully talked to me before he reached rock bottom - so I am helping him , sadly the Uni had done nothing.

Their argument is they are adults, my argument is they are someone’s child & if the Uni is aware of an issue & not stepping in to help they need to let someone else know.

Do you have a link to the petition.

NHS Digital posted their latest report on the mental health of children and young people yesterday.

digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/mental-health-of-children-and-young-people-in-england/2022-follow-up-to-the-2017-survey

What shocked us was that the parents hadn't been notified that their son had contacted tutors to let them know of his worries
Our friend’s tried to contact the university (twice) when their son returned home after lockdown. There was quite a change in him. They are aware that due to his age, the university didn’t have to contact them but they were looking for a way forward to help their son. No one contacted them and the university blamed an error in their messaging service. The coroner commented about this.

The Coroner also raised concern that when their son had sent a "cry for help" in an email to the university, no-one contacted him by phone or in person - only by email.

His parents have since found out what had caused this plea for help and it was definitely one the tutors could have helped him with.

I’ll pm the link mumof2boys. Lots of luck with his university studies. Good to hear he’s talking to you.

The suicde rate for men at that age is over twice that for women so we really need to know why men are under so much more pressure than women.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2020registrations#:~:text=In%202020%2C%20females%20aged%2010,aged%2045%20years%20and%20over.

Is it not more that men are pressured by gender expectations to 'man up', not talk about their feelings etc.

The wide gap between male and female suicides begs questions.
Is it that men’s roles are now less defined? More emphasis is given to women’s rights, health and problems, or are men simply more efficient at ending their lives?
Utterly tragic whatever the reasons.

I think we need to look differences between the expectations place on men and women, the diferences in how men and women are judged, We should also look at the differences when we see a man or a women struggling. How much quicker we would go and help a woman than we would a man.

My daughter died from suicide aged 23,I have brought up my grandaughter,who has mental problems arising from this,she is also aged 23 now,I watch her like a hawk ,and support and listen to her,is even harder because she moved into her own flat nearly a year ago.
My sons friend died by suicide,a year after my daughters death,his MH has been fragile since,I am always alert.