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Where are you from? Is it an insult?

(393 Posts)
Sago Fri 02-Dec-22 08:07:40

I often ask people “where are you from” it’s always interesting to know, particularly as there are so many accents I cannot always pick up.
A cab driver recently told us about his old life in Afghanistan and how he was loving his time in the UK, he told us he had really enjoyed his chat.
Our SIL is mixed race and often gets asked, he is always happy to talk about his heritage.

It’s so easy to offend.

volver Mon 05-Dec-22 11:41:39

No, it can be considered much worse if you are black.

Posters sometimes post with such conviction about things that they don't know the half of. I posted this on the other thread, I'd better do it again.

odelebeauty.com/blogs/the-rinse/black-hair-history-facts?utm_source=partnerize&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=21181&utm_content=8-12844&clickId=4203474738#:~:text=Hair%20means%20something%20different%20to

Happysexagenarian Mon 05-Dec-22 12:46:48

I reckon it was a set up and Lady Hussy has been made a scapegoat for someone else's anti-royalist agenda. What a coincidence that this should happen at the same time as the Harry & Meghan debacle and William and Kate's visit to the US. If the offended woman didn't like the questions she was asked why didn't she simply excuse herself politely and move away. As for the hair touching, people have often brushed my hair off my face or out of my eyes, I've never been offended by it. She claimed she couldn't find anyone to report it to, but she found the media and press easily enough. No need to report it to anyone really. The phrases 'mountains out of molehills' and 'storm in a teacup' come to mind.

MissAdventure Mon 05-Dec-22 13:55:45

Unless it has changed, I was trained that it is technically assault to touch anybody without seeking prior permission.

I certainly wouldn't let any old Tom, Dick, or even Harry touch my hair.

It's bizarre behaviour, to me.
Imagine a gransnet meet up where I say hello for the first time and then start brushing your hair out of your eyes?!?

Jaberwok Mon 05-Dec-22 14:05:24

But Lady Susan wasn't brushing the hair out of somebody's eyes or attempting to, she was trying to read the name brooch which was hidden by this lady's hair. No doubt she shouldn't have done that,but why pin the brooch where no one can see it?

NanKate Mon 05-Dec-22 14:22:08

I think the African woman(sorry forgotten her name) is beginning to ‘milk’ the situation. Her comments are far stronger than they were initially.

Callistemon21 Mon 05-Dec-22 14:25:09

Jaberwok

But Lady Susan wasn't brushing the hair out of somebody's eyes or attempting to, she was trying to read the name brooch which was hidden by this lady's hair. No doubt she shouldn't have done that,but why pin the brooch where no one can see it?

Even worse if it was pinned on her bosom!

Parsley3 Mon 05-Dec-22 15:36:39

NanKate

I think the African woman(sorry forgotten her name) is beginning to ‘milk’ the situation. Her comments are far stronger than they were initially.

The point is that the woman is British.

volver Mon 05-Dec-22 16:00:41

What comments are those NanKate?

VioletSky Mon 05-Dec-22 16:15:35

I absolutely applaud women who stand up and draw attention to racism.

It's distinctly odd to me how many people just don't agree it is happening.

Of course even having access to the media and having a following still doesn't always mean that victims are believed...

I wonder why people wouldn't believe them and would accuse them of a publicity stunt for drawing attention to an issue many face?

It makes no sense to me

MissAdventure Mon 05-Dec-22 16:19:40

Invading someone's personal space can be taken to be very intimidating, whether it is deliberate or not.

Strangely enough, I had to have serious words with my boy about that when he moved in.

He genuinely didn't know, but it is very disconcerting.

SporeRB Mon 05-Dec-22 16:19:57

To answer Sago’s question, it depends how comfortable you are in your own skin.

Myself (not white, not British) and my daughter (mixed race, British), if someone asks us ‘ Which country are you from?’, we do not find it offensive, insulting or intrusive and I will definitely not write that person off as a racist bigot.

My daughter will simply say ‘My mum comes from x country, my dad from London but we have an Irish surname.’

I just returned from the Far East visiting family and friends. One or two of the local taxi drivers asked me the same question since my accent has changed and I no longer sound like the locals.

As for the incident at RF, in my opinion, it is a set up. Now that the Queen has die, all gloves are off! And it is going to get nasty. Someone (the one who shall not be named) is trying to stop the Coronation from taking place.

MissAdventure Mon 05-Dec-22 16:21:18

shock

volver Mon 05-Dec-22 16:26:10

My daughter will simply say ‘My mum comes from x country, my dad from London but we have an Irish surname.’

To your daughter:

Yes but where do you really come from?

How long have you been here?

I can see I'm going to have trouble getting you to answer this

What part of China do you come from?

Offended yet?

(I'm offended at just writing those things down.)

vegansrock Mon 05-Dec-22 16:32:14

Blimey the conspiracy theories are still going without a shred of evidence. At the end of the day it’s not for white people to tell black people what is and isn’t racist towards black people. Most white Americans have European ancestry - would you ask an American where they are really from, and what nationality they were after they told you they were American? I very much doubt it. If the black British lady had brushed aside Lady Susan’s hair would that have been ok? no doubt a flunkey would have stepped in to stop it. It wasn’t malicious racism on the part of Lady S , but it was racism nevertheless, which she has accepted as a mistake.

grannygranby Mon 05-Dec-22 16:42:24

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vegansrock Mon 05-Dec-22 16:50:41

grannygranby Can you answer the following -
How much has Lady Susan Hussey got in the bank? What is her annual income?
Why has she got a title?
How did she get the unpaid role with the royal family? Why was she kept on after the Queen’s death?
Who is she married to? How much is / was he worth?
Where does she live? We should be told.
What culture should Ms Fulani be following? Why shouldn’t she dress in African inspired clothing? Do you want her to wear twin set and pearls?
She runs a charity -what’s wrong with that?
Why shouldn’t she change her white slave owners name to an African one?

icanhandthemback Mon 05-Dec-22 16:54:41

Lady Hussy was tactless bordering on rude that's for sure, and clumsy in her questions, but she certainly wasn't deliberately racist...

You don't have to be deliberately racist to be racist, you just have to use the wrong language or terminology or keep asking someone where they really come from on the basis of the colour of their skin or the basis of their attire!

volver Mon 05-Dec-22 17:00:28

accounts which have not been filed for 3 years.

She runs a one person charity and paid herself £65k

Just a couple of things..

Accounts filed in April 2022
3 trustees and 9 volunteers - not a "one person charity".
No-one paid over £60k

register-of-charities.charitycommission.gov.uk/charity-details/?regid=1179934&subid=0

Making things up about a perfectly valid charity is just wicked.

MissAdventure Mon 05-Dec-22 17:02:37

That's the point I made about my work colleague and the picture.

everyone knew he was taking things too far, and felt awful and uncomfortable, simply because of the way he was hounding me.

He didn't want a photo - he wanted to "beat" me down a peg or two.

If course, he would say it was just messing around and he didn't realise...

VioletSky Mon 05-Dec-22 17:08:16

icanhandthemback

^Lady Hussy was tactless bordering on rude that's for sure, and clumsy in her questions, but she certainly wasn't deliberately racist...^

You don't have to be deliberately racist to be racist, you just have to use the wrong language or terminology or keep asking someone where they really come from on the basis of the colour of their skin or the basis of their attire!

This

And attending this event for women should mean some understanding of the kinds of violence women endure such as racism, especially as sexism, racism and the resulting violence are all forms of oppression.

At the least, being in such a role should mean being able to spot when you are making someone uncomfortable

growstuff Mon 05-Dec-22 17:13:17

grannygranby

Ngozi Fulani was born Marlene Headley to parents Meredith and Gladstone. Her sister is called Sharon.
She was brought up in Kilburn not Hackney.
She runs a one person charity and paid herself £65k with £150k of expenses undetailed in the accounts which have not been filed for 3 years.
She is “from” Barbados but dresses in full African clothing with an adopted Nigerian name.
You can see why she doesn’t want to answer the question where she is from because to do so would expose her hypocrisy and cultural appropriation.

No, she's not "from" Barbados.

Why did you have to pile one smear on top of another?

growstuff Mon 05-Dec-22 17:16:02

NanKate

I think the African woman(sorry forgotten her name) is beginning to ‘milk’ the situation. Her comments are far stronger than they were initially.

Which African woman?

MissAdventure Mon 05-Dec-22 17:36:02

You know; Sharon's sister!

tickingbird Mon 05-Dec-22 17:36:15

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volver Mon 05-Dec-22 17:38:08

She didn’t ask how long she’d been here.

Yes she did. 😊