Where are you from? Is it an insult?

volver

In my view, Lady Susan committed a racist act. Because she treated a woman of colour differently to how she would have treated a white woman.

You may disagree with my view. (But you'd be wrong 🤷🏼)

I have been treated differently because of my race on many occasions. Mostly I let it pass (it says more about them than it does me).
If the person, rather than being a different skin tone, had say an interesting accent. Would questions regarding heritage be racist?

volver

Whether you think it or not, Lady Susan's behaviour was racist.

She asked questions of a person of colour that she would not have asked of a white person. She clearly did not believe the first answers she was given, and either thought Fulani was being evasive or was just a bit mistaken about what "British" means.

Lots of things are racist, for instance sentences that start "Black people are quick to take offence.."

You might not think they are racist, but that's because you don't understand. You can learn from this or you can keep insisting that there was no racism involved and you love it when people ask which part of England you're from, you don't get offended at all so obviously Ms Fulani is just out to get the RF (or something).

Maybe she is an activist, and maybe she doesn't approve of the behaviour of some members of the RF. Good. Maybe she's not one of these people who will brush racism under the carpet because she defers to old aristocrats who don't know any better.

Here you are volver 😄
Glad to see you are now saying it’s your view now tho and not a fact.

I read it that you have to be black

Did you?

Where does it say that then?

Is it the bit that says they are trying to highlight the specific issue that women of colour face in domestic violence situations? Issues that have historically been missed, and so lead to ineffective responses? That bit?

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Wow.

Time to go.

The organisation isn't racist as it's set up to provide support for a minority group that has a specific set of problems, some of which are caused by wider society (and prejudice and discrimination) White people have no place being offended by it

Bluebelle, I thought I was clear that someone asking me where I am from as a white woman in the UK was not the same as what has happened at all!

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At our wedding 40 years ago we had bride’s family one side of the table, groom’s family the other. Husband’s uncle was sitting opposite mine “your lot are not doing so well at the Oval” says
HU. My uncle was mixed race Greek/African, had lived in the UK for 30+ years, was a Conservative councillor married to a German woman and had no interest in cricket. MU replies ‘and your lot don’t do well when it comes to manners’. Think it still rings true at times.
I used to get asked where I was from because I had a strange accent, my reply was ‘from my mummy’s tummy!’
We would like to think that we are inclusive and one big family but our passivism speaks for itself. We THINK asking someone where they are from is okay because they haven’t told us they are offended but maybe they are being polite in responding.

Casdon

I’d be more likely to say ‘Tell me a bit about yourself’ and see where that led us, than a specific question about where they were from, as lots of people are sensitive - it’s easier to let them volunteer some information and build a conversation from there.

That sounds more like a first date (long ago, before I knew better) than normal small talk. A bit full on for me.

"Where are you from" in its many guises, is the staple of small talk. I wonder how many ways it is asked in a day.

I think there is a difference between asking ‘where are you from? in casual small talk, and asking out of rude curiosity because someone has a different accent or appearance.

Forlornhope. It is often a way of discovering things you might have in common.
I was speaking to a lady in a TalkTalk call centre earlier this week and asked where she was. On being told near Durban I asked is that the call centre in Umhlanga? She was delighted that I pronounced it correctly and we had a lovely conversation about the area and my time there.
I did get an Openreach visit the next day!

vegansrock

But if they said they were British from London would you follow up with, “but where are you really from? “ That’s the potentially offensive bit.

I agree.

My mother, whose accent I only heard on the phone, was often greeted by "now I should know that accent. You're certainly not from around here. Where do you come from?" She was only too glad to enlighten them. Swapping small and unimportant bits of information about each other is how you get to know people.

The Reception a BP was more like a work event. Who, in their right mind, takes offence at one of those where the strangest people end up talking to one another and trying to find something to say? Taking offence and making the conversation more difficult for others is simply unprofessional.

"Where are you from" is ubiquitous as far as first conversations are concerned. It's a simple "getting to know you".

Sounds like some serious training in PC is called for - and just maybe retire people a bit earlier. I know that is ageist but be fair she has caused a real issue for the Royals and certainly helped the Harry/Megan arguements.

Yes the question itself was not an insult, but not accepting the answer was, she could have followed it up in So many different ways but blindly / stupidly carried on . This is how Prince Phiilip used to be and people may say it is an age thing but you would think they would have more sense.

A newer carer for Lynne is as English as they come, to listen to him, but not to look at, so I asked him where his family were from. He said Vietnam, but he was born and raised in London. I was just satisfying my curiosity, I hope I wasn`t thought of as racist, I`m anything but.

How does one "look English"?

DaisyAnne

Casdon

I’d be more likely to say ‘Tell me a bit about yourself’ and see where that led us, than a specific question about where they were from, as lots of people are sensitive - it’s easier to let them volunteer some information and build a conversation from there.

That sounds more like a first date (long ago, before I knew better) than normal small talk. A bit full on for me.

"Where are you from" in its many guises, is the staple of small talk. I wonder how many ways it is asked in a day.

Really? I’ve started conversations like that forever and it’s never been interpreted as a first date, nor as full on. It’s all in the asking of course rather than what you say. I don’t think I’ve ever asked anybody where they were from as a conversation opener - I might have said ‘how did you get here today?’ though, expecting them to say if they had come by train, bus, car or whatever.

Esspee

.

This is a PAINT CHART!! 😳

I don't think I've ever asked that? I'm not sure

Maybe if I heard an accent I didn't recognise

VioletSky

I don't think I've ever asked that? I'm not sure

Maybe if I heard an accent I didn't recognise

If you don't ask an Australian, then they'll soon tell you!!

From every area of the globe, from 50,000 years ago to First Fleeters to £10 Poms, 1950s European immigrants to last year's arrivals, they'd probably be upset if you didn't ask.

There seem to be murmurings that it was all a set-up anyway. The woman was wearing a wire?

aaarrrggghhh

Sorry. I was overcome.

Her parents might have been from the Caribbean, but her ancestors were taken as slaves from West Africa. She is not appropriating her own culture by using an African name. Her birth name was that of her ancestors’ white owner. Slaves had their identity crushed deliberately to make them property. If it was a “set up job” then the older lady played a blinder.