Do you go to funerals?

I haven't been to a funeral since my son's. My father and my mother in law died within the last 2 years and I did not attend. It might sound heartless but I realized that I found it better to say goodbye in my own way.

It doesn’t sound heartless Madmum1994. We all deal with grief and loss in our own way and I’m so sorry to read you have lost your son 💐

They make quite a big thing of funerals here and it is not unusual to get 100 or so attending the service and then the get together afterwards. Maybe influenced by Irish heritage people , I am not sure. If the person was involved with any service clubs a lot of members will attend and if they were ex army/navy or airforce they often have the last post which just breaks me up, so sad. I won’t attend Anzac Day ceremonies because I think of very young relatives killed in the wars and just start to cry.

My late mother went to every funeral going, she was a devout Catholic and attended two churches so there was a never ending stream of funerals.
She would criticise every aspect of the service, if it wasn’t a certain funeral director she would say they did a bad job.
The food, choice of coffin, everything was under scrutiny.

My husbands ex girlfriend’s mother died, she was a Catholic, my mother told me she was going to the funeral, I was concerned because my husband was going also.

I asked my mother how well she knew her, the reply was “ she came to our church a couple of times”
I stressed to my mother it was only appropriate to attend the funeral of someone who you knew well.
She then told me that if the priest announced a death at Mass or the date and time of the funeral was in the parish newsletter that was as good as an invitation.

Here’s a great true story regarding “funeral crashes”

www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwj57rrpoIX8AhWSZ8AKHWOODeEQFnoECBgQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theguardian.com%2Flifeandstyle%2F2008%2Fdec%2F21%2Fcelebrity-victoria-coren&usg=AOvVaw1V7xsnmlZyMdmkYkkysbT0

timetogo2016

Well it gets him out of the house for a while.

😂😂

We only go to those of friends or family. Alas too many of these in the past few years.

I’ve read (in at least one novel) of people going to funerals in the hope of a wake, where they could pretend to have known the person and down a glass or two of sherry. Ditto sausage rolls.

I was talking to my daughter recently and told her that she didn't need to have a funeral for me to which she said that it wouldn't be "for me" it would be for the people who would be sad about me dying but I could choose the music if I wanted!

My aunt was buried by a middled aged woman minister with bright red hair in a creaking wheelchair. She made us all turn round when she followed the cortege into Chapel.She did not keep still and all you could hear were the creaks and turns.
Although we were all really upset we started to giggle,shoulders were going up and down and snorts from our noses.
To top it all she struck up a relationship with a gay relative at the funeral tea. It really was like a comedy sketch from Dave Allen, my aunt would have been disgusted.
Needless to say, the parishioners soon got her moved on, not because she was gay but through a lack of empathy with the mourners and at other services.

foxie48 I am in complete agreement with your daughter. Funeral plansare to console those who expect to die. Funerals are organised by the living for those who have died.

I am planning a funeral of utter dull conformity, confident in the thought DC will reject that and give me a right royal send off. On the other hand DD might then give me exactly what I asked for. So no plans, just rely on DC to give me the send off that comforts them.

Do I want folk at mine? Yes, especially it it is a celebration rather than the cremation / putting in the ground. I hate to think that I won’t have a “proper” send off. Eleanor Rigby comes to mind. Off to a wake today - not someone I knew well but she was at my wedding and her husband is important to mine. I regret not going to some funerals, although usually a good reason, I missed seeing the wider network and touching on old bonds. I’ve never regretted going only not going

going to s/i/l funeral today . not want one myself also dh says same. a lot people who have not been in touch for years and never had a good word to say about person turning up and saying nice things when not even seen person for a long time .
so too faced ...

Normally just go to family and friends that I know quite well.

jomo

going to s/i/l funeral today . not want one myself also dh says same. a lot people who have not been in touch for years and never had a good word to say about person turning up and saying nice things when not even seen person for a long time .
so too faced ...

Oh, what a horrible situation for you. It is often the same, yes two-faced.
Just keep a small smile if you can and quiet.

I would go for family and friends always. I suppose there are many reasons to go to a funeral. Some are on a very personal level some are to support your family or friends in their loss and some simply to share a memory with their close family. I would travel far and wide for a family member or friends funeral and to support them but would write to a colleagues family and share a memory or two if the funeral was too far away tyo attend.

Yes, always ,I feel it's a mark of respect for the person I knew, that I was glad to know them and will miss them. I've been going to too many lately though . My aunt, my dear friend and a work colleague . Looking forward to a celebration of something joyful for a change!

Living in a big city, I attended funerals if I had known the person who had died, or knew a relative well.

However, in the years where I sang in a church choir, I learned to appreciate those who turn up out of a sense of duty, as there was nothing sadder than a funeral of someone who had died alone and unloved, and where apart from the parson, organist, sexton and two singers went unattended to his grave.

Living as I now do in a small country town, I realise that here it is still the done thing to attend if you have had the slightest acquaintanceship with the deceased or the family.

If the funerals your husband attends give a reasonable chance of meeting friends and relations he otherwise is out of touch with, I understand why he goes.

I also can appreciate his going if he is making up his mind about what he wants and intends to leave complete instructions for whoever has to deal with it when the time comes.

One thing we can all be certain of is that we will all die sooner or later.

Only for family and close friends. I have personally decided that I don't want anyone to attend a funeral for me. All I ask is that they remember how I was when I lived. No tears please.

Do people still have funerals? Most people I know are planning to just be cremated and let the family decide what to do with the ashes. No service and no wake.

Only funerals for those I have actually known. When working I was amazed at the number of people who attended funerals for colleagues' relatives they had never spoken to never mind met.

I not only go to them I conduct them What your husband does is not unusual Here they are known as the steak pie brigade or the professional mourners

I went to the funeral of someone who I'd known for many years as an active member of the village.
The 'wake' after the church service was in a beautiful barn with uniformed staff.
There was a bit of a queue to enter. There were 2 quite elderly ladies ahead of me who were talking; I couldn't help but hear them.
'Oh, it's a good spread' said the first lady, 'yes, much better than Dolly's last week, that was a bit of a dissapointment' said the second lady. 'Did you see that Ted has gone, the funeral is next Friday, now that will be a good one', said the third lady.' .......
I struggled to maintain a straight face, it was very clear that these ladies attended most of the village funerals.

I agree with Farmor15 a funeral is a celebration of the person's life. It is lovely to hear special music, readings and perhaps poetry. All of us will want something different perhaps low key, perhaps upbeat. One of the loveliest funerals I went to was totally non religious and full of joy and love.

I think funerals are barbaric. I know they are supposed to provide closure for the relatives and friends of the deceased. I am horrified that we out people through this ordeal when they feel at their most vulnerable. I attended the funeral of a dear friend earlier this year who died from ovarian cancer. I watched her 20 year old daughter (an only child) and her father propping each other up as they struggled with their own memories and gave eulogies to a congregation of people. They both cried as did I and several other people. It seems such a brutal thing to expect someone to go through when their heart is breaking.

I guess we all have different views and feelings. I find it often helps to join together with others who who feel the loss and sharing memories. It’s good to share grief and have it out in the open. When my ex died unexpectedly in the summer, I didn’t go to the funeral but watched on a live webcam and I took comfort from a whole range of people being there for the final farewell knowing that those people cared enough to be there. He wasn’t an especially sociable man and I feel reassured that so many cared.
When my youngest son died, aged 25, his funeral was an immense comfort, to see so many of his friends there, plus family of course. Being hugged by all those fit and healthy young men who cared was a memory that I treasure.

I do go to funerals of family of course but also friends. My DH died recently and my ACs and I did a DIY funeral with no celebrant and a slap-up tea with champagne afterwards. Lots of people there, it was great. His death wasn't a tragedy and he'd had a smashing life really.

Not any more. Got sick of the dreadful " buffet" rubbish in pub etc. Everyone scoffing overpriced junk and drinking in daytime (?) Why?! Someone dies. Those who cared and knew them can remember without involving nigh on strangers and relatives from yonks ago who never darkened their door for ages! I know I'll be tipped into me plot without any family present as they treat me abominably now😅 never mind my revenge is to leave what will be quite a stash to some interesting beneficiaries.....!