Passive aggression

Odd how immediately under this when I posted it is a thread about being fed up with colleagues.

I’m not sure if that’s just laziness, aka ‘can’t be arsedness’.

It depends on what isn’t being done and who has to pick up the slack I suppose.

Calling people passive aggressive is the new toxic.
Some people at work may just be aggressive, or mean minded or sly or any number of things.

That's not my understanding of passive aggression. As we were taught it was more a case of acting like a martyr.
Not doing what you're supposed to be doing is just being lazy and management should point this out to them.

I think it is partly pathological laziness. I'm the one who picks up the slack about the job I'm thinking of but other colleagues also have to "carry" this person. She doesn't seem able to pull her weight in the team. I'm pretty sure management has spoken to her about pulling her weight generally.

On her job's personal level she's lovely and likewise with colleagues but just pulling her weight in ordinary ways not so much.

She has an aura of limpness so on the one hand I think we have to carry her because of her weakness – adapt the job to the person rather than the person to the job. On the other hand it’s really quite tiresome.

No. I think passive aggressive is about quietly undermining and backhanded complements. Last minute cancellations may come in here too. Passive aggressive people can apologise and then be rude - eg "no offence but..." or they say things in a particular tone - things like "I love that you are always so upbeat even when everything is going wrong" (as though you are an idiot).

So Baggs, no, just not doing a job doesn't count in my opinion.

I'm not sure what you mean by this Oreo: Calling people passive aggressive is the new toxic.

Not that anyone has been called passive aggressive. I'm looking for definition of what it is as I think this might help me be less irritated.

Although laziness is irritating too!!

Passive-aggressive behavior is defined as behavior that is seemingly innocuous, accidental, or neutral but that indirectly displays an unconscious aggressive motive. (APA dictionary of Psychology).

This quote (above) is at the top of this article (link below), Baggs
www.verywellmind.com/what-is-passive-aggressive-behavior-2795481

Baggs

I'm not really au fait with what counts as passive aggressive behaviour. Does not doing a job properly that you're supposed to do pretty much every day at work count?

I spoke to a clinical psychologist once about passive aggression and she said it did not exist per se. People were on a spectrum from very passive to very aggressive.

People aren't passive aggressive all the time though. It's just a reaction to an action. It can certainly exist. My friend has it down to a fine art when things don't go her way.

Wouldn't use it about a lazy colleague though.

My mother was very passive aggressive, it is a trait of all good narcissists.
It really does exist.

I think it exists too. I’ve had what I would describe as passive aggressive remarks made to me sometimes.

Thanks for the link, NS. This kind of description of what counts as PA behaviour is what I find confusing: "You ask them to do something and they tell you they will, but they drag their feet, never wind up doing it".

Person is supposed to do something as part of their job and knows this is expected of them (they've therefore been asked to do it in a sense) but doesn't do it <--- looks very similar.

NotSpaghetti

This quote (above) is at the top of this article (link below), Baggs
www.verywellmind.com/what-is-passive-aggressive-behavior-2795481

Terrific link NotSpaghetti. Its link to "attributional style" I found interesting as well.

Sago

My mother was very passive aggressive, it is a trait of all good narcissists.
It really does exist.

My mother could practise it well when there was no one to witness except me on the receiving end. Charm the birds out of the trees with others.

People who are doing work beyond their capacity will use passive aggression to hide their inabilty to do their work.

In my last job I helped, both management and the staff member involved, to sort a problem when the SM was about to be sacked after his third disciplinary.

Having a desk close to his, I had helped him with some work and realised the problem was his inability to undertake the tasks involved not laziness, I then discussed it with his manager.

The company was undergoing a major reconstruction with lots of redundancies at the time, so instead of being sacked, he was instead offered voluntary redundancy with a hefty redundancy sum. He was able to leave knowing in principle he could approach the company for the usual 'say nothing reference if he needed it for his next job.

In the work environment passive aggression is frequently the defence used by people not feeling secure in their intellectual grasp of their work. Not unlike impostor syndrome, but in this case they really do not know or are not capable of doing their job.

People who are doing work beyond their capacity will use passive aggression to hide their inabilty to do their work.

Interesting. This might explain the problem. I don't think the person is deliberately being incompetent or PA, they just are incompetent. Oddly, that works as a kind of savng grace and maybe we do just have to carry her.

Thank you all for the responses. They have helped shine light where it needed to be shone.

Sago

My mother was very passive aggressive, it is a trait of all good narcissists.
It really does exist.

Yes it does exist but the phrase is slung about willynilly just as the word toxic is.Often wrongly applied.

Baggs yes! There’s always a few incompetent people in a workforce, ditto a few lazy ones.

I think that the behaviour you describe can be passive aggressive. PA behaviour is behaviour that makes a point or lets the person have their way without having the courage to say what they mean or want to do.

I had a colleague who claimed to dislike conflict, so never said no to anything. Nobody could call her to account, as she always appeared to be willing to do what was asked of her. The trouble was, she never did anything she didn't want to do. She would be 'ill', or the train wouldn't turn up on time so she was late, and when she arrived the 'thing' was over. Sometimes she would make a start, then leave it for someone else to pick up.

Not doing whatever it was, and forcing others to do it for her was the aggressive bit, but rather than be assertive and say that she was too busy, or be honest and say that she couldn't be bothered, she was passive about it and opted out. It's the same with people who burn the ironing or chip plates if they have to wash up . An assertive person would say no and explain why, but a passive aggressive one will make a mess of it so they get their way by not doing it, or not doing it well.

Here’s a great summary of passive aggression from Muttley. No words needed.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8Au0VLo1jI