Difficult conversation

Sarahmob well done, a weight lifted and amicably sorted.

That’s very good news Sarahmob. I’m so glad that it has all been resolved amicably. 😊

Have your chat and be firm - you are an Angel and need some downtime! There Registered Childminders out there that are qualified and ready to assist your Daughter xxx

NannaFirework

Have your chat and be firm - you are an Angel and need some downtime! There Registered Childminders out there that are qualified and ready to assist your Daughter xxx

She has!!

Well done Sarahmob Glad it's all sorted and you know you were appreciated

As someone else suggested, maybe do it less often. Every three weeks or monthly. Then you still get to see them regularly. Unless of course the driving us just too much. I do similar, but not as often as you. Gives me time to recover in between!

I think you deserve a Crown!
I was part of the childcare plan for my 4 grandchildren for 13 years (from birth onwards) and gave notice that when I turned 70 I was retiring - but only from the regular commitment and not from looking after them in school holidays etc.
My kids were fine with this as I gave them notice of my intention a year earlier and fortunately it coincided with the youngest starting school.
I think/hope that your DD will fully understand your decision and be glad that you've helped for so long, as I'm sure she will have worried about you driving so far. Good luck with the conversation 🤞🙏

Well done Saramob!
See? As we all hoped - they love you and appreciate all you have done to help them so far. I can tell you that after march when you spend time with the GC you will enjoy it much more than having to do it. Happy Days x

I was in a similar situation a few years back after having helped out for quite a few years. Driving in the almost dark mornings and driving back home again. Then I travelled on public transport, frosty reception when first broaching the subject. However, stuck to my guns and they both realised that something else had to be arranged , then it was all sorted out fine. The difficult part is broaching the subject. Good luck I am sure it will be fine.

Why can’t the parents do the driving. Expecting you to continue doing that is unreasonable. Don’t feel guilty. They should be considering your needs as well as there own!

You've already gone above and beyond so please don't feel guilty. I used to drive that distance to work every day when I was a lot younger and it wore me out to the point that I started falling asleep on the drive home so had to stop. I think once you tell them how you feel they will understand, you just have to sit them down and explain calmly that the journeys have become too much for you although you will miss looking after the children and will still help with occasional child care. Good luck, hope it goes well.

I’m sure she’ll understand

Honesty is the best police, here.

It is no good shilly-shallying , start by saying that you are sad to have reached this point, but that the driving is too much for you, so you are going to have to stop. Therefore your daughter will need to make other arrangements for child-care.

I would not mention going on till September, if I were you. Doing so, will be taken as a firm promise that you will continue till then, and September is nine months away, so you will have most of the dark months of this year to contend with and the bad weather.

Surely two or three months are long enough for anyone to find alternative day-care? It is after all only one day a week she needs.

Say you will continue until a specific date and stick to this.

You don't mention how old you are, whether you have a cataract forming, or are simply too tired after the journey there and looking after two small children to travel home.

There is no reason to feel guilty or mean. I do not suppose you begged your daughter to have children, or to work full-time once she did. Doubtless there are good reasons for her working full time, but these are her responsibility, as is providing care for her children.

However dear to you, your grandchildren doubtless are, they are your daughter's responsibility not yours, and you have done a long stint already.

grandtanteJE65

Honesty is the best police, here.

It is no good shilly-shallying , start by saying that you are sad to have reached this point, but that the driving is too much for you, so you are going to have to stop. Therefore your daughter will need to make other arrangements for child-care.

I would not mention going on till September, if I were you. Doing so, will be taken as a firm promise that you will continue till then, and September is nine months away, so you will have most of the dark months of this year to contend with and the bad weather.

Surely two or three months are long enough for anyone to find alternative day-care? It is after all only one day a week she needs.

Say you will continue until a specific date and stick to this.

You don't mention how old you are, whether you have a cataract forming, or are simply too tired after the journey there and looking after two small children to travel home.

There is no reason to feel guilty or mean. I do not suppose you begged your daughter to have children, or to work full-time once she did. Doubtless there are good reasons for her working full time, but these are her responsibility, as is providing care for her children.

However dear to you, your grandchildren doubtless are, they are your daughter's responsibility not yours, and you have done a long stint already.

If you read back, the issue has been amicably resolved.

makemineajammiedodger

If you still want to do the childcare, but not the driving, why not use a bus? Presumably you have a free bus pass? (we have them in Scotland, don't know about down south) Ask DGS to pick you up at bus station

That's a long way on a bus. And in many areas of the country (Cornwall, for instance) it would take an entire day to travel that distance!

Sarahmob Glad it’s all been sorted amicably. Honesty is the best policy ….I did the same - felt bad at first, but it all worked out well . Like you, I still do the odd babysitting.

We have been in an almost identical situation but ‘only’ a 70 mile journey either way, which has been increasingly tiring. We went weekly for two days for first six months of each child, then every fortnight . I am now anxious about the conversation we need to have as a third baby is due in a few weeks and we don’t feel able to do the same although we love seeing them . I think there is an assumption that although both older children have childcare/ school now we will still be available as before for the new baby . There has even been a joke about six weeks. There will now no longer be anywhere for us to sleep either and I’m feeling quite stressed about it all. I so wished they lived nearer so we could just do a couple of hours as and when, here and there

How about just putting the kettle on and explaining to your daughter just what you have said to us. It’s becoming to much for you If you tell her now she has got a few months to sort something out.

I'm surprised your daughter hasn't asked if it's too much!

Nannashirlz

How about just putting the kettle on and explaining to your daughter just what you have said to us. It’s becoming to much for you If you tell her now she has got a few months to sort something out.

She has!!

i am also wondering if they've asked you if it's ok for you to continue?
they may be grabbing freeloaders like my DS and his mean partner were though, in which case be careful and i would suggest suggesting you stay 2/3 days? that may jolt them to rethink arrangements?
if they're not mean, your post puts your concerns perfectly. reiterate to them.good luck!

Alverstone 25….. your daughter needs a slapped leg!

That’s a heavy commitment, just tell your daughter
Wouldn’t think she should need telling really, that’s a lot to expect to be honest …

There is a fine line between a heavy commitment VS volunteering to do it