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Advice on how to deal with this please?

(124 Posts)
Beckett Sun 08-Jan-23 12:32:50

When my neighbours go on holiday I look after their 2 dogs. I feed them and walk them twice a day. They spend the day in their large enclosed garden with access to a covered area. I check on them several times a day and let them back into the house overnight.

This was fine when my neighbours were away for 2 weeks at a time, but they have now retired and this morning handed me a list of all the dates they will be away this year and it seems they will be away more often than at home! On 2 occasions they will be away for 6 weeks at a time and another away for 3 weeks, home for 1 week and then away again for 2 weeks.

What has upset me is they haven't asked if I am available on those dates but have just assumed I will be. I was planning to book a short holiday for myself this year, the first in 5 years! I would add that they are normally very supportive and thoughtful but I do feel this is a step too far. How do I tell them I think they are expecting too much of me? They do have family but they live some distance away.

Bromley Mon 09-Jan-23 12:20:53

I agree with most people. Give them a couple of dates,but not the six week one..that’s asking too much. If they ask,just tell them that you have other things going on for the other dates. Be firm. You could always add that you are finding it a bit much nowadays.
We bought a Motorhome so that we could take our dogs with us.

JOJO60 Mon 09-Jan-23 12:23:01

Your neighbours are being very unreasonable. I have 2 young dogs and knew when we got them that our holidays would revolve around caravanning so the dogs could come with us. I have also been researching dog friendly hotels. But if we ever wanted to go abroad I fully expect to add the cost of kennelling to the holiday budget but wouldn't dream of leaving them for more than a couple of weeks. Your neighbours are being unfair both to the dogs and to you. Also, what happens when you don't feel up to walking the dogs? You may feel under the weather, or have health issues, or things needing doing at home? Even if it's pouring with rain I may not feel like going out, but I do because they're MY dogs and I love them. But it's not your responsibility to have to do this. I think you should tell your neighbours that you don't mind doing the odd day here and there, but at 70 years of age it is too much work to commit yourself to for weeks weeks on end. (I'm 65 and I wouldn't do it)

Davida1968 Mon 09-Jan-23 12:28:54

Just to say that I agree with other GNs' wise words here. Absolutely say NO! to any further dog-care. You're not obliged to give reasons - but you could say simply that THEIR dog-care is now too much for you & is not going to happen! Be strong!

Gabrielle56 Mon 09-Jan-23 12:35:43

I'd burst out laughing and tell them no chance! You've also "retired" from dog sitting their pooches!!!🤣🤣

kwest Mon 09-Jan-23 12:37:00

How about " On reflection, I now feel that I am getting too old to be caring for pets. I have been glad to help out in the past but now I just don't have the energy for it anymore. I believe there is an excellent doggy day care facility at ........................ or boarding kennels at .....................". I'm sure you will understand,

StoneofDestiny Mon 09-Jan-23 12:37:17

Wow!
Just pop a note in saying you cannot commit to any more dog care as you have other plans for your free time. Wish them well in making alternative arrangements,

Quizzer Mon 09-Jan-23 12:39:37

Boarding kennels charge from £15 a day for a small dog, rising to enormous charges for large dogs and posh kennels. Your neighbours are “using” you.
Six weeks kennel charges for 2 dogs could be in excess of £1260!
Apart from that, leaving the dogs for long periods without human company is simply cruel.
Just say that you can’t commit yourself to looking after them for so long or say that you are turning this into a business and charge them accordingly.

Sawsage2 Mon 09-Jan-23 12:40:14

For heavens sake, just tell them 'sorry its too much'.

SueEH Mon 09-Jan-23 12:49:45

Suggest they get in touch with Trusted House Sitters. For a small monthly fee you can sign up as either a pet owner, sitter or both and providing they give enough notice (and if they already have a list of dates I’d suggest that they can give plenty of notice) they can find sitters to stay in their home and take care of their pets.

Glorianny Mon 09-Jan-23 12:52:55

Perhaps if you want to keep the friendship you could point out that you too are getting older and although you have done two weeks in the past you don't feel it would be safe to carry on. You wouldn't want them to have to rush back from a holiday because you'd had a fall whilst walking their dogs.Make them feel guilty for even asking!!

Wyllow3 Mon 09-Jan-23 12:56:24

Agreed with Far North. List of can do's and say never longer than 2 weeks.

There is a weeny chance you have been so nice to them, they think, "aw, she's alone she likes having the dogs".

Wyllow3 Mon 09-Jan-23 12:57:34

Glorianny

Perhaps if you want to keep the friendship you could point out that you too are getting older and although you have done two weeks in the past you don't feel it would be safe to carry on. You wouldn't want them to have to rush back from a holiday because you'd had a fall whilst walking their dogs.Make them feel guilty for even asking!!

Yes, nice on too, if you need to call a halt ti it all.

biglouis Mon 09-Jan-23 13:05:27

To be frank I would never have got into such a relationship with neighbours unless they were offering me something in return, such as payment for my time or favour for favour. As a business woman I have a very transactional way of looking at circumstances when asked for a service. This is why I make a point of keeping away from my neighbours and being difficult to communicate with.

My usual response is "Well Ive never considered doing that commercially. I will think about it and give you a price."

That usually ends the conversation as most people dont want to pay!

I would state firmly that this "service" which you have provided (and been good enough never to charge for) has become too much of a burden for you. So they are going to have to make their own arrangements going forward. While you might consider looking after the dogs in an absolute emergency you will have to charge an appropriate rate to cover your time and the responsibility it entails.

Yes - relations might be a bit frosty but these CFs have been makiing a mug out of you.

Nannapat1 Mon 09-Jan-23 13:13:42

Agree with the advice already given. If you are willing to do any dates at all, you could give them a list of those. Otherwise say you are unable to commit to anything.
3-6 weeks sounds like an awfully long time to care for dogs as you do anyway. What if something happened and you couldn't do it!

biglouis Mon 09-Jan-23 13:27:02

Excellent advice upthread. With all the bugs going around at present what if you fell ill or took a fall? Who would take charge of the dogs if they were away 6 weeks?

Do you really enjoy walking the dogs or want to do ANY of the dates? If not it would be best to make a clean break.

I would put the list back through their door along with a note saying what you have said here, without any fake excuses of being busy or having plans yourself. That will prevent any awkward conversations.

I often have to send messages to customers refusing to do something and the language I use is like this:-

"Ive come to a decision that its not in my interest to continue with XXX. I realise that this will be disappointing. However my decision on this is firm so please dont ask me to discuss it further."

Philippa111 Mon 09-Jan-23 13:30:30

Thats rather cheeky of them!
In a situation like this I would always start with what I have done to help. Something like... "I've been really happy to be able to help you so far. It's great that you are now free to go away for longer periods of time but the longer times are just not going to work for me/going to be too much for me. Can we find a solution (of some kennels ) for the longer times and I'll be happy to see what I can do for the shorter ones"
You can mention that you also need the freedom to make arrangements for a holiday and can't be tied down, to potentially have to let them down at a later date. Good luck!

cc Mon 09-Jan-23 13:33:47

FarNorth

If you are willing to do some of the dates, write them down and hand to the neighbours saying "These are the dates I can do for you".
As said, don't discuss further. Just repeat, if necessary.

I think that I would do this, it would probably avoid any falling out, but definitely limit the trips that you will cover.
I don't think that I'd do any of the longer trips either, they're more of a tie as you are stuck at home when you may have better things to do at the last minute.
They must be saving a huge amount of money by using you rather than a kennel.
If they went to the trouble of getting the dogs properly vaccinated with a passport they could take them with them.

Doodledog Mon 09-Jan-23 13:35:19

Could you find a couple of numbers of kennels/dog walkers you could give them? If you just say that you aren't able to keep doing it, but didn't want them to be stuck, you might lessen any frostiness.

I do think they are being cheeky, but I understand you not wanting to fall out with them.

undines Mon 09-Jan-23 13:43:55

You've said they are supportive and thoughtful
Just how 'supportive' and how 'thoughtful'?
Is this really an equal relationship?
If not, then draw the line pleasantly but firmly, by telling them which dates you can do and which you can't. No need to explain why. If they are true friends they will understand. Good luck!

Esmay Mon 09-Jan-23 13:51:08

Hi Beckett ,

Sorry to ask , but if
your neighbours don't pay you - do they give you a very generous gift ?

I certainly would as you are saving them a fortune in kennel fees .
About 20 plus years ago , my father used to get £25 a week and profuse thanks for feeding his neighbour's cats twice a day . There were no cat trays to clean out .

To be frank , it's really cheeky of them to book you up for so many weeks .

I'd mention a fee -that's how I stopped a friend overloading me with her sewing .

Esmay Mon 09-Jan-23 13:58:14

biglouis has the right response for dealing with your freeloading neighbours !

pooohbear2811 Mon 09-Jan-23 14:00:48

apart from not being fair on you Beckett, it is not very fair on the dogs either, to me this borders on cruelty. Left alone for hours at a time and over night every night. Ok they have each other for company and you popping in back and forth but IMO not enough.
looking at it from the dogs point of view this must be terribly traumatic causing separation anxiety for the dogs and leading to all sorts of problems. What happens if they need a vet? Or have an accident ( god forbid) and need putting to sleep.
I agree with the others if they want to go away that long they should be taking their dogs with them. If this is going to become a regular thing and they don't want to take the dogs then maybe time to think about rehoming them. Sorry if that sounds harsh but dogs, like kids, are family, and should be treated as such.
Dont feel guilty, you have done your bit in the past.

Beautful Mon 09-Jan-23 14:03:40

Taking advantage of your kindness now ... if you don't stop it now you never will & will be harder for you ... tell them you don't mind helping out occassionly if you want to, your decision, perhaps for the odd week or two ... but 6 weeks at time ! If they have that much money to go away so many times , have the money to put them in kennels ... remember your life shouldn't be ruled by other people ... take a stand ... its really your kindness to a whole new level ... they have their freedom but you have no freedom ... you may just want to book a holiday at the last minute, but won't beable to if you adhere to them ... let us know how you get on please ... no time like the present to tell them

pinkjj27 Mon 09-Jan-23 14:05:57

I would hand the list back to them. I would tick off any times I was happy to do it if indeed any, then cross off any I felt was too much or inconvenient. I would write unavailable against these. No explanations needed.
I think they are taking the micky and setting a precedent for the future, unless you nip it in the bud now.. Only you can set the bar on their expectations of you. Good luck

Shizam Mon 09-Jan-23 14:07:50

Such irresponsible people, both towards you and the dogs. I’m quite shocked. Please say no.