Mum's fallen. Just need some words of comfort.

I was wondering how things were going too. I hope Jellybaby comes back with an update.

Ive only just seen this post, I truly hope things are improving for you all now

Just back with a quick update.
Mum is still very confused. And still on antibiotics for a UTI.
The delusions are distressing for me but she’s obviously unaware that she’s saying some strange things.
I thought I was coping well but on Thursday a few things happened. When we got in to see her in the afternoon she was sitting just in a cardigan and pants. No nightie or dressing gown. ( apparently the male health care assistant thought that was suitable clothing) but surely one of the nurses would have noticed that this wasn’t right.
Then sellotaped to her bed was a form from the occupational therapist asking us to measure all the equipment we had at home for her ( beds, commodes, toilets etc) ready for discharge. My mum was anxiously asking if she’d answered their questions properly
Then my husband got upset because a nurse wouldn’t come to take my mother to the toilet. She really shouted loudly at him when he complained. It was horrible. I sent him out of the ward! I was distraught.
Afterwards the same nurse was very kind to me and explained all my mothers problems and treatment.
That visit was a struggle.
I’m not sure what the future hold for my mother. I know I couldn’t have her home as she is at present. She isn’t able to walk yet.
Thanks for all your interest.

I am sorry that your mother's care leaves something to be desired. The nurses are so busy that responding to a need for the toilet is often delayed, especially of they need two people or an aid to transfer. It must be such a worry for you. I understand this difficult situation where you know that being in hospital could be contributing to their confusion, but having them home is not yet an option. I hope the antibiotics start to work soon.

Jellybaby I think you need to ask for a team meeting. The hospital where my mum was had these regularly about all patients. They should be attended by a senior nurse, the occupational therapist who left the note, a physiotherapist and a doctor. You should make it clear to all these people that you will not take responsibility for your mother coming back to your home unless she is able to walk and is not delusional.
My mum had excellent care. She had a visit from physiotherapy every day in an attempt to get her mobile again (she was 94) unfortunately her muscle strength deteriorated rapidly and she never did walk again. Without physio help older patients do not recover.
Sorry about your husband and the argument. It is so difficult when a patient has to wait for the toilet.
Incidentally two people from physiotherapy came out to measure my mum's flat to assess its suitability for her, I didn't have to do anything. Neither should you.

That sounds awful Jellybaby. So much for 'privacy, dignity and respect'. I know staff are busy but there's no excuse for shouting at your poor husband. Can you ask to see the doctor in charge? Possibly with the charge nurse too? Surely time for a meeting to review care and arrangements. Good luck.

My sister , fully lucid and completely cooperative, was not allowed out of bed for several weeks after a fall and breaking her pelvis
When she was able to get up and take a few steps with a zimmer she was transferred to a care home till she was fully mobile , then the Physiotherapist and Occupational Therapist went to her house to make sure everything was in place before she went home
She lives alone aged 80
So I do not think your Mother will be able to walk for a few weeks yet
Such a worry for you , but the Staff should not be abrupt with you nor should your poor Mum be left sitting in such a degrading position

If your mother has a UTI she might need to use a commode next to the bed more urgently than usual and it would be better for the nurses to attend to her straight away than have to start changing the sheets, washing your mother and changing her too.

The care sounds less than satisfactory but I do know how pressurised the staff are.

Glorianny thank you for the information about the team meeting; my friend's DH is in hospital after a fall and she knows she will not be able to care for him alone at home but is really worried he may be discharged before any arrangements for care are in place, or even discharge himself.

Callistemon21

If your mother has a UTI she might need to use a commode next to the bed more urgently than usual and it would be better for the nurses to attend to her straight away than have to start changing the sheets, washing your mother and changing her too.

The care sounds less than satisfactory but I do know how pressurised the staff are.

Glorianny thank you for the information about the team meeting; my friend's DH is in hospital after a fall and she knows she will not be able to care for him alone at home but is really worried he may be discharged before any arrangements for care are in place, or even discharge himself.

Callistemon21 If your friend's DH is ready for discharge he should also have a social worker who should be helping your friend decide what will be best for him.
I posted before about the 6 weeks post hospital care which is available and is free. My mum had a lovely man who was really sympathetic and totally understood when I said the care homes I visited were not suitable.

When mum became delusional we learned to ask the nurses to check for a UTI. It seems quite usual for the two to go hand in hand as it were, and once the UTI was cleared her delusions went.
As for your (and her) treatment on the ward, PALS is your next port of call is you can't get a satisfactory meeting of her dare team.

Glorianny

Callistemon21

If your mother has a UTI she might need to use a commode next to the bed more urgently than usual and it would be better for the nurses to attend to her straight away than have to start changing the sheets, washing your mother and changing her too.

The care sounds less than satisfactory but I do know how pressurised the staff are.

Glorianny thank you for the information about the team meeting; my friend's DH is in hospital after a fall and she knows she will not be able to care for him alone at home but is really worried he may be discharged before any arrangements for care are in place, or even discharge himself.

Callistemon21 If your friend's DH is ready for discharge he should also have a social worker who should be helping your friend decide what will be best for him.
I posted before about the 6 weeks post hospital care which is available and is free. My mum had a lovely man who was really sympathetic and totally understood when I said the care homes I visited were not suitable.

I keep reassuring her and telling her to be firm, Glorianny. He's not that elderly but rather incapacitated at the moment. I'll give her that information, thank you for the help.

So sorry to hear your latest news Jellybaby. Sadly this has been my experience with my mum every time she has been in either hospital or rehab, it is very distressing for you and your mum. You must feel like you don’t want to leave her I know I did.
My mum is mostly urine Incontinant now, which I put down to not being given the opportunity to use the toilet, and being put in incontinence knickers every time.
Your mum will have been assigned a social worker, but they probably haven’t told you yet, unless of course there’s a waiting list to see one, when mum was in rehab last year there’s was a six week wait before she could be assessed. They couldn’t consider discharge until then. Just keep asking it’s all very frustrating, Once in a while you’ll come across someone that’s willing to help you, sadly it’s few and far between.
It’s s very long and tiring road. I hope things become easier for you all.

I am so sorry for what you and your mum are going through Jellybaby. Sadly when my mum has been in hospital on occasion over the last few years it has been similar.

My mother has been bedbound and in constant severe pain after shattering her leg years ago falling down the stairs, and pain is now only controlled with fentanyl patches. She suffers dreadful pain spasms if she doesn’t have them. In hospital a couple of years ago they apparently didn’t give her timely pain relief and she was shouting out in agony. She said that a male “nurse” has smacked her foot and told her to be quiet. I found it impossible to confirm this unfortunately.

It is quite unforgivable that your mother was left sitting in knickers without respect or dignity. It is something that should be complained about to PALS, but I can understand that you are so consumed with worry about her condition and care that you may not have the energy for this.

Hospitals are very busy but your mother should be dealt with professionally and compassionately and should have a proper assessment, including equipment necessary before discharge, which it sounds as if it should be to a nursing home for a period of rehabilitation and recovery, not home to you.

Farzanah don't know if it will apply but after my mum broke her pelvis she had one night of awful pain, when we visited the next day she was still suffering. One leg (which she couldn't move herself) was visibly in spasms. It was cramp. We got a blood test done and she had very low sodium levels, five minutes on a sodium drip and the spasms stopped. It happened again later in her stay. By then we knew what to look for and what to ask for. I don't know if this is something to do with age. Might not apply to your mum but it is something to watch for.

It would be great if the grans had a not- for -profit cooperative nursing home to care for aged parents .

Caleo

It would be great if the grans had a not- for -profit cooperative nursing home to care for aged parents .

Some of us are the aged parents ☹

Indeed Callistemon. I too aged 91 am an aged parent.

My Dad would be 123, Caleo!

A care home for Gransnetters would be interesting 😁

We could have separate areas for the political grans, the pedantic grans, the bookish, the crafty and the joky grans. Could be fun.

There is national crisis in aged care. These anecdotes are evidence of it, if any more evidence is needed.

Aged parents often have sons or daughters who are themselves no longer young and can't call upon wider families to help with aged care.

Obviously the state care is inadequate therefore not-for -profit cooperatives would at least help to fill the gap.

In the meantime it would be a practical help if local authorities or colleges would offer short courses in elderly first aid.

At the very least all local authorities, or the central government, should send to every household containing people over a certain age an illustrated pamphlet outlining first aid care in the most common emergencies such as elderly falls.

The crisis in elderly care is not a proper occasion for levity.

Aveline

We could have separate areas for the political grans, the pedantic grans, the bookish, the crafty and the joky grans. Could be fun.

Well, I was just thinking it could be Zimmer frames at dawn!

Count me out, I am not an early bird 😁

Caleo

The crisis in elderly care is not a proper occasion for levity.

Sorry.
It isn't and we know that but sometimes a little levity is needed.

Glorianny I've just had a message and it seems there is now an action plan in place for him which is starting today. 👍

I am very well aware that care of and for the elderly is a very serious subject indeed. I've not only been involved in the care if my own mother and MiL but I also volunteer twice a week at a ward in a hospital unit for elderly people. As a volunteer I sometimes have to advocate for some of the patients I meet there. Sadly, there are surprisingly many who do not have family members looking out for them. Finding a female patient dressed only in a cardigan and pants would have had me going straight to the charge nurse to complain (after I'd put a cover over her knees).