Why won’t people answer their phones

I wish I had never answered my phone some years ago, when the daughter from hell called me. A Wensdays evening approx 7.30. Daughter: I'll be down in the morning with the children, I have a home visit from the Social Security to checked I'm living with you.
Me. Oh NO, you are using my address and phone number, you are not using my house.
Daughter. If you want to see your grandchildren again, we will be down in the morning.
She came down in the morning with my granddaughter 10yrs and grandson 6 months. She brought the baby paraphernalia to set the scene. This daughter lied and cheated her way through my life, When I finally 'stood up'' for my self in 2009 she stopped me seeing my grandchildren. I have had to write a special letter to go with my Will, stating why I make no provision for her with the exception of 30 pieces of silver, blood money to Judas.

I dislike talking on the phone unless it's with somebody I'm really comfortable with, and then not for very long. I always have, and I avoid it where possible. Apparently this is true of a lot of people and it explains why so many prefer to text than to talk one to one. The problem is with the lack of body language and other emotional signals.

More seriously I and many fellow auties have big problems dealing with conflict over the phone, especially if we are on the defensive, because we are not in control of the dialogue. We feel much more comfortable if we have time to compose a response rather than be pressurised into acting on the spot.

There's always a letter, of course. I have found that a non-confrontational handwritten letter works wonders in all kinds of situations, not least because they are so rare these days they demand attention.

Riverwalk if the phone in a car is hands free it’s no different to talking to a passenger sat next to you is it

I can’t not answer a phone but I do believe the younger generation don’t find that a problem they text much more than phone anyway
If I was you I would have texted your daughter in law with the information then you have proof that you gave it to her

Yes Seadragon I was beginning to think that I obviously lived in another universe. Communication with others is pretty vital and phoning and texting limits being able to convey accurately your thoughts within that message. We communicate not only using words (or abbreviated text talk). Face to face is best but the voice can convey far far more than stark words and a conversation is a two way thing as one is required to use listening skills. The nuances of words cannot be picked up in a text. Misunderstandings can have long-lasting after effects.

Rant over!

nanna8

I very,very rarely answer my phone these days unless I know who is calling because there are so many scams and unsolicited rubbish calls now. If they want to speak to me they.can leave a message or text- otherwise no.

This ^^

If you wish leave a very short message or email me. I'll quickly email a short reply back when I have time. Done and dusted.

I am not sure thats true Bluebelle there has been some research on the impact hands free conversations have on concentration.

Some people see a spontaneous phone call as as much an intrusion as a spontaneous visit. Text or email seem more acceptable. Pity, a text 'conversation' can only be a series of ultimatums. You can discuss and agree in a phone call. Of course, if one of you is the type who can't end a conversation... :-)

BlueBelle

Riverwalk if the phone in a car is hands free it’s no different to talking to a passenger sat next to you is it

I can’t not answer a phone but I do believe the younger generation don’t find that a problem they text much more than phone anyway
If I was you I would have texted your daughter in law with the information then you have proof that you gave it to her

I think it’s a bit different, because a passenger can see the situation on the road and know when to stop talking so as not to distract the driver, but the other person in a phone call can’t.

I don’t like the constant need for keeping in touch and updates on the trivia of peoples lives.

When I was younger there would be a weekly 10 minute phone call with my parents, now there seems to be a need for contact everyday with people informing of where they have been or are going wanting updates on other family members.

I don't understand why some get angry that the message or call are not replied to, just accept that there will people that you want communication with who do not wish to communicate with you.

Be kind to yourself , get on with doing your own thing . Send a text if it is of some importance , leave it with her to respond
Safe in the knowledge that you have alerted her to the situation/s best wishes .

I send texts or WhatsApps to my children - their phones rarely get answered. That said, my phone is usually buried at the bottom of my handbag, and I might have a few missed calls. It's a phone - I have no desire to carry it about looking at it every few minutes. If my DC want a chat, I usually get a text to say they will call me - usually on the landline - at a time later. They are busy, they have children, jobs, and attempt a social life when they have a few hours free, so I wouldn't expect them to leap to answer.

I don't always carry my phone with me round the house! What really annoys me if when I do answer and there is no one there!

I only ignore my phone when it's someone I don't want to talk too . If I was you ,I would text whatever it is you want them to know and leave it at that

Same as Elegran, I'd send a text or WhatsApp. I hardly ever chat on the phone these days, kids the same, we have a text exchange to arrange a proper chat. Reasons, busy, shopping, driving, sleeping, eating etc etc. We have a phone code of it's urgent, ring for about 4-5 rings then disconnect for a minute and call again so the other person has time to stop what they were doing and take the call. We're also brief as we don't tend to have completely social phonecalls.

well as far as family business that is important I would try and ring once then send a letter first class. You have done your best and if they cant be bothered to check up it is down to them. We all have different reasons for how and when we use the phone. I have an answerphone on mine and my friends know to hold on as I have some mobiilty problems. So unwanted calls dont wait as they dont know that and friends either get me or leave a message for me if I have been out. I have a mobile which I take with me but rarely use and it is always on silent if I am going to a meeting or something and then I can check it when I come out.

I hate phones. Only good for emergencies otherwise a waste of time.
I much prefer to get emails or texts and can read them at my leisure.

Must admit we send texts much more frequently than phone calls, unless something important that needs to be a call,

Morpeth78

D-I-L would probably prefer that you text. Or just call/text your son.

I’m sorry it is just the way it is now. But, hey, that’s technology. Especially with younger generation, so we have to adapt.

My friends, family and I do use the preferred way of staying in touch daily, but not always. We do it in short conversational bursts - delivering important information, good/bad news, recipes, pictures, support, occasional gossip, some political stuff… and most importantly make plans to get together so we can sit and chat over a meal like we’re talking on the phone.

I like it. You can silence your phone when you want peace and quiet or take a nap.
ZZZZZ…..
USA Gundy

I have two friends who refuse to send texts and insist on talking on landline…..if it weren’t for these I could get rid of my landline. I’ve told them to call my mobile but they won’t! I’m seriously thinking of just NOT answering until they get the message.
If I call anybody they know it’s serious otherwise it’s a msg or Whatsap .

I can't understand why you can't just phone your son?

Re Kartush , I find it’s mistletoe the younger ones with an attitude that font answer phones or have the decency to text back at some point .
I take the same attitude as them when they come to see me I go out .

I have sat this morning and re read all the posts, thank you all for your input, it is always good to have other insights into something that is troubling us.
I myself always (if possible) answer my phone immediately or call back as soon as I can, I always reply to text messages as soon as possible as well, i feel that if someone has taken the time to contact me then it is only polite to respond. But that is just me.

Perhaps you do get so many ‘nuisance’ calls in the UK. None of my friends answer their phones,either, unless a name they know shows. I have several hundred ‘contacts’ so all my friends would show up when they call. Anyone else can leave a message or nick off!

I think it’s rude - either answer or if it’s not convenient call back later that day or send a message. It appears that a lot of people don’t agree with this and we have a close family member who never or rather seldom responds…. It can be frustrating and I hate to think how she would feel if she missed an emergency because of it! We are learning to accept that it’s her choice - not ours.