Why won’t people answer their phones

Just tell her what she needs to know in a message and then she can’t say she wasn’t told and can contact you if she wishes! No idea of your situation but I wouldn’t have called my mother in law back!

Have you tried sending a message stating what the crisis is ? She might not realise the importance of it.

Send her the update in a text and that way she can't deny being told.

I don't answer the landline these days unless the caller display shows either of two people I know who don't use mobiles. One doesn't hear well and finds mobiles more difficult to hear, and the other is just not into mobiles much, although she does have one. Now that scammers can make the number they are calling look like a local one, I just don't answer any number I don't recognise on landline or mobile. If anyone wants me and leaves a message, I will of course get back in touch.

Goodness, since when did phoning your children or in-laws label one as a “pest” personally, if it’s inconvenient I don’t always answer my phone, I never answer unknown numbers but ALWAYS pick up the phone if it’s a family member or call them straight back when I can if driving etc. My kids know better than to not respond to a text or phone call because they know it upsets me sometimes especially if it is genuinely urgent and concerns another family member 😊I don’t expect anyone to always pick up but I do expect them to call back or message back - it’s just rude not to 😊

I rarely answer my phone either. Try messaging her on WhatsApp - she can then reply at her own convenience 😊

I hate being left voicemail - much prefer texts or WhatsApp if I’ve missed a call.

Obviously nowadays things are a bit different with mobile phones. It could be really inconvenient if someone is out or in the middle of something. They could be up a ladder or on the loo! I would contact your son and innocently ask if DIL's phone is OK.

Kartush - if the family situation is genuinely important, send her a letter through the Royal Mail. Her receiving this will be a strong signal that you've tried all other means to pass on this information and you're using a last resort. Is your son contactable? If not then perhaps in the letter you say you'd like a conversation about how you communicate. It seems to me that your DIL prioritises - she may be very busy working - and somehow your messages don't carry the same weight as other things that are more pressing.

I don't know why some people do this. My sister has obviously blocked calls from family members. There has been no fallings out and we all meet up fairly regularly. She does answer text eventually. She just likes to control when she speaks to anyone. Started in lock down. I think it's slightly odd but our brother says she's rude.

Same here they will always call when they want something I always think they'll need me first I just get on with doing what I have to and if I'm busy when they need me it's tough luck I am so often told what goes around comes around this is so true plod on love keep smiling

The only phone calls I tend to answer on my mobile are from my DD and DS1 and DS2. Oh and from my aunt who is 83 .
I tend to keep in touch mostly by text but when I send a text to auntie to ask how she is , she immediately phones me back so I do answer it and have a chat with her .
I hate talking on the phone hence why text is my usual choice of communication.

Nora—I love your response. I am not a phone lover. I have gotten use to email. Not intrusive and some idea for the reason for the communication. Not getting caught on the spot and not having time to consider everything needed for the right response.

People like their space, phones can be very intrusive
Especially those people that talk to long on them,
Email or send a text for goodness sake or take the hint and tell your son …

Try a text - much better than leaving voice messages

Almost always use WhatsApp to message, call, video chat with
family members and friends. They don't always answer, both son and daughter and family are very busy. However, with WhatsApp you can at least tell if they have got the message!

I answer mine if and when I want to. It's for my purpose mainly in case of an emergency, not for the convenience of others

Our family are all in group chats on WhatsApp. As are most of my Group friends. Its much easier to send one text that everybody can read at their leisure. It's so easy to set up a group chat and if you get sick of it pinging or don't want to be included you can exit. My daughter has a different ring tone attached to my number and always responds with a quick call usually saying I'm working mum, is it important, are you OK, or a text saying, in a meeting, I will ring you when it's finished... I rarely answer my land line as its nearly always cold callers. And I always forget to listen to any messages!

Hmm! You say your son is busy. Your DiL isn't. How do you know your DiL isnt busy? You're not their

That strikes me as there is a frostieness with your relationship.

If someone doesn't answer their phone, send a text. That is what text is for. Leaving a voicemail is very old fashioned today.

The only people I know who leave voicemails are professionals. I know you won't like what I say however it's how the world has developed today.

As for me; our landline is never used and doesn't ring. I would have it removed but bizarrely it would put up my media package cost if I did.

Text, either by normal method, or WhatsApp is the generic today. Messenger too.

I also use video call alot with two of my youngsters abroad. I think you need to reconsider how you use technology for your own benefit as well as others

I very,very rarely answer my phone these days unless I know who is calling because there are so many scams and unsolicited rubbish calls now. If they want to speak to me they.can leave a message or text- otherwise no.

People are not really bothered by anything which doesn't involve them.

I am amazed at some of these posts. What sort of enclosed world are we heading for? Reaching out to people is so important. You might need a friendly face one day.

To be honest, I am angry with some of these responses.
The phrase 'living in an ivory tower', comes to mind.

Try living on your own with no-one to talk to except by phone. Oh, so get over yourselves.

Kartush, have you tried asking your DIL how she would prefer you to contact her and when?

Obviously, she is either busy and forgets to phone you back, or feels that your message was one that did not require a reply, whereas you did want her to phone back.

In my experience, this kind of situation is more about you and your DIL or whoever else you are trying to get in touch with having different views on what a phone is actually for then anything else.

If or when I don't get a reply when I phone someone I send them a text, either at once, if the matter is important, or a day or so later, saying something like this:

"I phoned because I really need to speak to you about (whatever it is) Please phone me when convenient but before the weekend, as I am worried/concerned/ need to make arrangements."

This usually works.

If I phone anyone because something important or terrible has happened I say so in the message I leave and in a subsequent text.

If you DIL still fails to respond and won't tell you how she wishes communication to be between you, you really have no option other than next time she bites your head of for not telling her things, saying nicely," Well, please tell me how to do so, when I phone you neither answer nor phone back"

Any form of communication only works if both the sender and the recipient agree on the rules.

I personally am infuriated by those whom I perhaps ask three questions in an e-mail, and they only reply to the first, leaving me to mail back twice to get the other replies I need,

silvercollie

I am amazed at some of these posts. What sort of enclosed world are we heading for? Reaching out to people is so important. You might need a friendly face one day.

To be honest, I am angry with some of these responses.
The phrase 'living in an ivory tower', comes to mind.

Try living on your own with no-one to talk to except by phone. Oh, so get over yourselves.

Thank goodness, @silvercollie - I thought I was on my own here. Thanks!

I always answer my phone. Learnt my lesson years ago, ( pre mobiles), when we were relaxing the evening after my BIL and SIL from Canada had left to drive to Heathrow after visiting us in Devon. The phone ,which in those days was fixed in the hall, rang and my husband and I were both reluctant to drag ourselves up to answer it. My husband did and it was the police in Salisbury to let us know that BIL and SIL had been in an accident, she was dead and he was in intensive care. My husband had to go up to Salisbury that evening to be with BIL and identify SIL. Since then I've never ignored a call.