Cheating Hubby

Yes netflixfan I wish "friends" and his mum would have told me about my abusive husband's ways...

...but only if it was absolutely 100% sure.

I was in a similar situation with a close family member many years ago. DH and I said nothing, but when crunch time came, we had a lot of fall-out to deal with along the lines of "Why did no-one say anything". However, once the hurt had eased, the family member agreed that even if we had said anything, they wouldn't have believed us, although they already had their own suspicions. On balance, we did the right thing by remaining silent, and it meant we were there for support when we were proved right. Being silent is a very very hard place to be.

Hithere

Why do you call your son in law hubby?

It is very weird and inappropriate

🙄

I have no idea how I would feel if my mum knew something like that and didn’t tell me, but a friend of mine was aware that her husband was a philandering toad, and didn’t want to believe that anyone else had a clue, because ‘knowing’ would force her hand and she didn’t want to leave. She said it was because of the children but also she had a materially good life with him and didn’t want to go without. Someone did tell her, and it brought things to a head. She left and was desperately unhappy for a long time (before I knew her).

It’s not for us to decide how someone ’should’ feel. I can’t imagine feeling the same, but with two small children, no job and no money of my own, maybe I would have - and maybe she loved him and thought he would change. She didn’t want to be told. I think it’s better to keep out of other people’s business.

Yes, Doodledog a completely accurate assessment of the situation I was in once. I knew he was cheating, I still foolishly loved him and thought he would change; two small children, no job, no money and simply exchanging one set of problems for worse ones. It bought me precious time with my very little children, then I resumed my career, earned money and self-esteem so when he inevitably left I was in a far better position to cope.
Never interfere or condemn, just be ready with non-judgemental support if required.

My parents had suspected my first husband was playing around but kept quiet. I suppose they did the right thing and they were there to help pick up the pieces.
But after I found out, a cousin called round to say he had guessed what was going on, then I discovered he had told his parents and sister and they had told my GPs. I felt pretty hurt that I was probably the last to know.

Doodledog

I have no idea how I would feel if my mum knew something like that and didn’t tell me, but a friend of mine was aware that her husband was a philandering toad, and didn’t want to believe that anyone else had a clue, because ‘knowing’ would force her hand and she didn’t want to leave. She said it was because of the children but also she had a materially good life with him and didn’t want to go without. Someone did tell her, and it brought things to a head. She left and was desperately unhappy for a long time (before I knew her).

It’s not for us to decide how someone ’should’ feel. I can’t imagine feeling the same, but with two small children, no job and no money of my own, maybe I would have - and maybe she loved him and thought he would change. She didn’t want to be told. I think it’s better to keep out of other people’s business.

Perfect assessment. Plus only we sleep in our own bed, actually know what is happening in our life. It'll sort. Stay far from chaos, close to pick up pieces.

"hubby" what a strange description in this day and age EvieJ.

So you one of them mother in-laws interfering busybodies. One rule you should always have never interfere in anyone else’s business no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Keep your beak out