Catering for groups? General discussion.

If everyone in the group is more than happy to prepare dishes which cater for this woman's dietary requirements, that's fantastic. However, surely she should be contributing a dish too? That's only fair. I wouldn't have a problem with making something which met all the requirements, but I would expect her to be making an effort too.

How does she get away with never bringing anything and getting everyone to eat what she needs/wants/prefers? She must have the skin of a rhino.

There is NO way the whole group should limit their meal to fit in with her. And how she thinks it is ok to not contribute is beyond me. She should cater for her own needs, and the rest of you get on with it. If anyone wants to make a meal which be ok for her to partake in, then they could put it aside and say it is ok.

Some people really take the **ss!

I think as we get older we all find that certain foods we could eat with gay abandon in our youth can cause discomfort from mild indigestion to more severe reactions. Surely the whole point of this group supper is to bring & share with diverse dishes to make for a more interesting evening. If you're constricted to this one ladies style of eating it will quickly become boring and people might start dropping out to the detriment of the whole group.

So the whole group has had her dietary choices imposed on them? Clever.
We once organised a leaving do for a member of staff that was entirely gluten free, so he could eat anything and everything he chose, but that was a special occasion.

Theexwife

I think she should cater for herself and not be asked to contribute.

Yes

I think the lady enjoys being part of the group - and maybe isn't very fussed about eating. I'd just tell her to bring her own food (as many vegans do) and let everyone else do the 'bring and share' thing.

Those of us with genuine allergies are wary of accepting anything, really - as we can be so ill afterwards.

My granddaughter had severe cow's milk protein allergy. Although people were told, they'd still often forget and offer her unsuitable snacks (cake, biscuits etc.) She was well trained (by 2 yrs old) to never accept food without a family adult checking it first, so you'd hear her at a party shouting 'No thanks, I not allowed it!

Well the first issue is that she doesn't bring anything to a bring and share group!! Has she misunderstood the arrangement? That needs addressing

I think a good idea would be for each member or maybe 2 at a time, including her, take turns to bring something suitable for her -1 do savoury, 1 do a sweet thing. That turns it into something quite fun with different chances to try different recipes!

Thank you all for your many different answers. The lady who has the allergies is very charming and always has some sort of problem/flare up/helplessness that needs supporting. People will accommodate to be kind and she always says how grateful she is. This is how the situation has arisen. Hey! Ho! Just thought I would like to hear other folk's points of view. Thank you all for your comments.

Sago, in England gluten free prescriptions, for sufferers from coeliac disease, are for bread and flour mixes only (the staff of life), and are charged at £9.35 per prescription.

If this is a social group holding "bring and share" suppers then she should be expected to contribute something surely?

I always thought the idea of these "American Suppers" was that everyone provides enough for one person, for example a plate of sandwiches, or filled rolls, or sausage rolls etc. All the contributions are placed on the table and everyone takes a bit of everything or maybe I have been doing it wrong for about 30 years although no one has ever complained.

Presumably the company of the group is the important thing for her here. I would just have a word and ask her what she normally does in these situations. If she is very allergic she will be used to taking everything she can eat with her. I don't think anyone with these difficulties would expect a whole group to cater to them.. and in any case how could she trust that everyone was as thorough as she was with the ingredients used.

I used to cook for a staff canteen and if ppl have food allergies then they tend to bring their own stuff that way they know what they can eat and don’t want to take the risk of you getting it wrong. I wouldn’t take the risk myself. If you get it wrong you could make her poorly even hospitalised.

My ex-DIL insisted she had numerous food issues based on how high she could raise her arms to the side after eating whatever food the problem was! She cooked for herself, leaving DS to cook for their boys. Strange it was, however, that the ‘issues’ disappeared when there was a chocolate cake on offer!
If this lady has genuine allergy issues she will be carrying an epi-pen, and not, I should think, risk cross-contamination from what others have cooked.

My opinion would be to ask her for examples of things she can safely eat, she may bring something and you can provide veg etc. It's not just the food it's hard to prevent other foods coming into contact in the prep area unlike a commercial kitchen.

Sorry I find her actions selfish she’s just 1 person in the group. I don’t see why you should eat her dietary requirements if I was in the group I’d very kindly decline her food. My gd has friend like this and in sleep overs she brings her own food and she’s 14.

I'm vegetarian by choice. I often take stir fried spicy rice to parties, and the most annoying thing is the non-vegetarians eat that pretty quickly as it tastes good! I make a chick pea curry too, and yes that goes pretty quickly too! Not to mention remarks I get on whether it should be hotter, ( the answer is no, bring your own seasoning and who complains about seasoning for lasagne)!!So I'd say make an effort. It is heathy food!

LRavenscroft

Thank you all for your many different answers. The lady who has the allergies is very charming and always has some sort of problem/flare up/helplessness that needs supporting. People will accommodate to be kind and she always says how grateful she is. This is how the situation has arisen. Hey! Ho! Just thought I would like to hear other folk's points of view. Thank you all for your comments.

As others have said, I really can't understand why this lady can't bring a dish to contribute which she can eat herself.
She might well be able to eat some of the food provided by others anyway as there are so many things that don't include various different allergens and the cooks are all present to advise her.
I suppose it depends on how many allergies she has. Gluten free is easy, you can use other starches unless you're using pastry, and even then you can perhaps put the filling in a bowl and serve without it.
I certainly don't think that it is reasonable to expect others to eat only "GF cake, drink oat milk and eat vegan".
I think I would resent having to pander to her "helplessness" as I find vegan food pretty limiting. Perhaps it is time that it was suggested that she contribute herself.

Healthy food! But I contribute more than my share always, so maybe you should have a discussion with her!

Germanshepherdsmum

If she accepts whatever she’s given I would be wondering if has genuine allergies and intolerances (in which case she should bring her own food to be safe) or if it’s just a matter of choice?

Yes, I think I might wonder the same as you!

I have two members of my extended family who are coeliac, my sister in law and my son's father in law. So far I haven't had cause to cook for either of them though I have eaten in their homes or out in restaurants etc. I also know other people who choose to eat gluten free but they are not coeliac. They may or may not be gluten intolerant. One of my friends bakes a gluten free cake every week for our regular weekly gathering while others bring cakes or biscuits which are not GF. At least these days eating out is easier as most restaurants cater for dietary requirements. I still remember eating in a pub where my sister in law ended up eating a very boring looking chicken breast without any sauce as the gravy /sauce might have been thickened with flour. If people are simply picky eaters I have no sympathy, but genuine allergies require us to go the extra mile and I would try to accommodate anyone's requirements. Vegetarians are no longer considered unusual and I have a number of vegetarian friends but only one I know who is vegan so I've not had to deal with that yet. I too would certainly expect the needy person to contribute something like everyone else.

I find vegan and gluten-free tricky to cater for but not impossible. I'm GF and have not bothered to get a proper diagnosis because there's no point really, the outcome would be no different. I've no patience for those who are selectively GF, won't have bread and still drink normal beer etc. Personally I'd try and cater for this person and also provide decent non-GF bread for the others - GF bread isn't particularly wonderful. Vegan in itself is probably a very ethical response to life and something we could all move closer to and benefit both our own health and the health of the planet. So, yes, I'd try to cater for the new person and make sure what I provided was absolutely guaranteed vegan and GF plus I may get provide a few things that weren't like bread, butter and cheese for those who were not so bothered. I'd have a chat with her . For people who avoid certain foods, I always check if it's an allergy, an intolerance or a strong preference as well, just to be safe. No point having, for example, peanuts on the table if someone is severely allergic as the rest of the food can easily be contaminated. I won't die from eating gluten although I'd be quite unwell next day, I do know people who get anaphylaxis from the smallest trace of certain foods, eggs in this case, and for her, a vegan diet means she doesn't need to even mention her allergy.

I have a great many allergies and intolerances, and if I'm going somewhere to eat, I'll always provide my own food or if a pub/restaurant, I have a list of those who will definitely have no issues with catering for my weird needs.

If she has genuine allergy problems I would have thought she would be only too keen to bring her own food , as she would not want risk eating something that would make her very ill or worse!!!

If "she never brings anything herself", perhaps someone could gently remind her that it's "a bring and share supper", not a "don't bring and then expect everyone else to cater for you" supper. If I was in her shoes with all those diet limitations I'd be bringing my own grub, and quietly explaining why.