Marital break up causes wedding dilemma

It is up to the couple marrying who they would like to be there

In my opinion: Couples who split up need to do more work on being able to be polite and cordial to each other. Just look at the harm it causes children when parents cannot get on after splitting up

Well obviously it's up to the couple but I would think that the uncle would keep the invite. His ex may well find a new partner and become engaged with a new family but a blood relative will always be just that.

Blood family really shouldn't be the priority simply for that fact. Many would prioritize friends over distant relatives. A wedding is about the couple and who they want to share the day with

If they. were only married for 3 years and the divorce was recent I would say she shouldn't be invited. They might still have issues and you don't want the day ruined.
Unless you are 100% sure they are friendly don't invite both.

It is up to the couple to work on their attendee list, DNA or not.

I admire the now exwife, who knows this is not about her, unlike the uncle, who feels entitled

As I read the responses, I'm leaning more towards the fact that my Unhappy Couple (not exes yet- split is recent but not going to resolve) should sort this between themselves and not put pressure on my Happy Couple who are already beginning to buckle under the toll of wedding build-up, work and new baby and being who they are, won't want to offend anyone!

If the Invitations have been sent out it would be extremely discourteous to withdraw them, so it is up to the two guests concerned whether they attend or not.

It's up to the couple to decide - if they love/like both parties and want them both there then Uncle and ex-partner should suck it up and behave like friendly adults on the day at the wedding.
In other words leave your problems at the door on your way in and pick up them on your way out.
There is no reason that the couples day should be spoilt because of a relationship break down.

This is not on you. DS&his future wife future wedding, their invites.

I don't agree that blood relatives come before others, there are many people that I like more than my relatives.

In this case, I would agree that it is up to the couple who they want at their wedding, and the other guests should respect their wishes.

if they've both been invited then they can both go and act like adults surely

If she has any sensitivity she will wish them well but say she won’t be attending. Weddings are stressful enough without having friction between two people especially if it’s just a small affair. If the split is quite amicable it probably wouldn’t be a problem but from my experience it takes a long time before a divorced couple can move on and become friends, and sometimes it never happens anyway.

VioletSky

It is up to the couple marrying who they would like to be there

In my opinion: Couples who split up need to do more work on being able to be polite and cordial to each other. Just look at the harm it causes children when parents cannot get on after splitting up

When, for example, you divorce your husband because he’s been conducting an affair for a long time and you’ve been protecting your children from it it isn’t always easy to behave civilly towards him. I wish people would understand how traumatic a divorce is for everybody concerned sometimes.

You can hate their guts Maybee of course but situations like this, or when children need co-parenting (as long as one isn't abusive in any way) keeping a lid on your anger for others should be achievable right? That's why we have friends and support systems to vent at

Have you been through a divorce then? Do you know what it’s like. I actually thought that I would pass out when I was anywhere near the person my husband had the affair with. I would start to shake uncontrollably. I agree that,when children are involved, the parents need to do everything possible to show a united front. I’m just trying to say that people that haven’t been through a divorce don’t understand how it affects you emotionally.

I've had to be around people who have hurt me deeply, yes

I'd have to try and put my loved ones before that though for special days as hard as I agree it is

I hope you have recovered Maybee neither of them were worth you feeling like that

I must apologise. I met someone the other day that I shared a history with and talking about people and places from years ago took me back many years and trawled up lots of emotions both good and bad. Didn’t mean to be so touchy!

My daughter is getting married in a couple of months. I really hate my ex and especially his mother, who will both be there, but I'm just going to have to grit my teeth and get on with it. There is no way I would spoil her day by causing extra stress.

If your son and his fiancee what the uncle there, perhaps you could arrange a nice meal out with the ex after the event, is the bride having a hen do? Perhaps she could be included in that as an alternative.

MayBee no apology needed

growstuff the best revenge is always happiness!

62Granny

If your son and his fiancee what the uncle there, perhaps you could arrange a nice meal out with the ex after the event, is the bride having a hen do? Perhaps she could be included in that as an alternative.

That sounds like a great idea. It’s sad that she’d got so close to the family with her own family being overseas. I know people shouldn’t take sides when people divorce but sometimes it’s impossible not to.

Speaking from personal experience, she should have the good sense to stay away. If not, I hope the uncle has the good sense not to spoil the day by causing any tension.

Many thanks for all the responses. Lots of food for family thought!

Is this uncle your DH brother?
If so does your DH have an opinion?
The guest list can be so fraught but if this couple have already been invited, surely they can't be uninvited?
Photos can be confusing in years to come. Who are all these people?
DD "had" to invite cousins who she hardly knew and thus couldn't fit in people she would have loved.