Do you or anyone you know “enjoy” poor health?

My mother was a prime example of someone who 'enjoyed' ill health. She was never happier than when she had a doctors appointment and ever since I was a child I was told 'Mummy is not well you must be good and not upset her'. She went through a variety of illnesses and investigations and when to her great pleasure she got a diagnosis of RA in her 50s which admitted was painful and limiting but she waded in with all guns blazing. She was now officially an invalid and therefore could not do anything. To cut a long story short she painted herself into a corner by refusing to cooperate with medical advice but still constantly demanding appointments and ever more treatments. I was in the middle of a very demanding career when she rang me constantly at work in a little feeble voice to say she had another 'turn' that day. Weekends were spent going to see her doing jobs and trying to coax her out for a little walk or a drive in the country. This sounds bad and I sound unsympathetic but its actually a much longer story of narcissism and and emotional abuse. As a result I do everything I can to not talk with my family about my problems and make sure I do everything possible to prevent further problems with my health as I know how harmful and unfair it can be on your family.

I think many old people dread the thought of dying, and somehow think that by popping to the GP with every ache and pain will somehow grant them eternal life.

I can understand that. But something will get all of us in the end, be it old age, cancer, heart, stroke…..

BigBerthal what a tough time you had. And your story rings a bell about a family close to my heart.

Three older relatives of ours just love attention from medical professionals for whatever reason. The latest is one having a 24 hour monitor for blood pressure it’s the topic of conversation.
I know for sure that he will not act as he usually does laze around all day. He will be running around here there and everywhere it’s just attention seeking.

pascal30

why don't these people just see a counsellor then they can have all the attention they need..

The councillor cannot do anything until the person admits they have a problem and they either can't see it or don't want to.
My relation has wasted a substantial inheritance, been thrown out of rented accom which they had been advised to buy and is now in council accom just down the road from the Dr's surgery. They can be at the hospital in 5 minutes which they are. They have never married and flip-flopped between being gay or straight with a partner as it suits them. They are the Queen bee. Much to half their town's annoyance when they can't get an appointment.
They have never grown up from the toddler who bit everybody in sight when things did not go their way.

Yes, it often goes right back to lack of attention as a young child.

Very very hard when it is a spouse who 'paints themselves into the room' due to 'illness' and leaves partner to deal with children, house and everything else, and who has to become a 'carer' for spouse too.

Many “dread the thought of dying”, “crave attention” and have health phobias often started in childhood because of circumstance or upbringing.

I get irritated by those who seem constantly “ill”, wasting public money, and who seemingly manipulate friends and relatives for sympathy, but we are all human, and not perfect. I view it as a form anxiety, which people have no real control over.

I've known a lady for about five years .

At first , I felt very sorry for her as her husband seemed more interested in his boat and playing golf .
First of all , we had the saga of a filling in her tooth . It went on for months .

When Covid struck she decided to walk everywhere and not to use public transport nor taxis .

She crossed the road when she saw people .

She wouldn't spend time with me unless I'd done a lateral flow test .
Everyone around her had to have a test .

She checked up to verify that I'd had my injections .
She interrogated me over which type I'd had .
She said that I'd had the wrong one and she couldn't see me .

She still hasn't really calmed down .

Since January , I've had endless installments about her mouth ulcers .

Not once has she sympathised about my kidney infection , serious fall - I smashed my temple against a brick wall and virus - it's yet another health bulletin about her mouth ulcers .

She's seen her GP and has insisted on seeing a consultant .

I know her entire medical history off my heart .
I include pregnancies and births and the list of allergies .

The cafe owners in our area don't actually want her as a customer - after she's demanded special food /drink and not touched it , but complained .The cafe door has to left wide open even on a wet/cold day due to germs circulating .

Her health is all that she talks about .

She sounds a real nightmare Esmay but don't let's forget those people who suffer from health anxiety it does limit their life.

Hi sodapop ,
I feel really mean about her .
I think that she's actually mentally ill .

I've tried to be kind , understanding and sympathetic by taking plants , flowers , chocolates and Get Well cards to her house, but I have a tough time looking after my demanding father and recently , my friend's moods and tempers have become too much .

I'm still very polite and answer her texts , but I have to admit to distancing myself .

My late DMIL was like that . She was at the doctors every week for some reason or another . We used to joke that she was invited to the staff Christmas party cos she was there so often . She died at 85 from cancer and made much less fuss about that than she did about minor illnesses . She really did enjoy I’ll health

It's very difficult for doctors because there's just a chance that these 'frequent flyers' actually do have something serious wrong with them. A GP friend has nightmares about missing a diagnosis.
Meanwhile in the time the hypochondriacs take up several others who are genuinely ill have to wait.

I had a cousin who had a lot of things wrong with him ( allegedly) which meant that he was unable to work or do anything around the house, leaving his lovely patient wife to bring home the bacon, cook it and clear up afterwards, rarely to his high standards. He lived to a great age. I did think that if his DW flipped and smothered him, I'd give evidence in her defence...

I don’t think it is just the older generation as some people have suggested. The women of the next generation down, known as ‘Generation X’ seem obsessed with menopause and peri menopause. (To me this is reinforcing a discredited idea, used in the past to control and constrain us, that women are somehow ‘frail’ because of our reproductive role). The 20-somethings, ‘Generation Z’ worry excessively about their mental health. We should indeed be sensitive to mental health issues, but it is getting so employers are reluctant to employ this age-group because they have so few strategies for managing normal stress and are frequently absent due to having to take ‘mental health days’.
I think we are in trouble. I think we are somatising the existential dread which comes from living in a world full of division and hatred and conspiracy theories and culture wars and which is on the brink of climate catastrophe.

Yes, my husband. Qualified for state Pension in the October 2019 then diagnosed with renal failure and lung cancer. Had op to remove tumour and had a stroke whilst under General Anaesthetic. Kidneys have worsened and has dialysis 3 times a week. Due to his illness can’t drive now. I had an accident to my arm now both arms have limited mobility. We were both trim, healthy spritly pensioners looking forward to our retirement. A very different life now. People who moan and time waste at GP really annoy me.

That’s truly rotten luck ninamoore. 💐

We have a friend who has been “dying” for years, he has so many medical complaints they should write a book about him and every time we see him we get updates on every single one of them. Being ill his now his lifes work and he is happiest when talking about how sick he is

I have poor health but can’t say I enjoy it 😁. Like annsixty I do my best to keep away from doctors as much as possible.

I have a ‘competitive’ relative, it’s a family joke that if you told her you’d broken a leg she’d have broken 2 legs and both arms.

I think we may all know of those who 'enjoy' the attention that illness something brings. That in itself could be percieved as illness so don't be too harsh with them. A close friend had years of psudo illnesses and has now died from a short but very aggressive one. Did she die happier because she finally got it right. I very much doubt it. So don't be too judgemental. Its our own choice to listen to others woes or not. Just be kind.

I’ve heard that GPS are prescribing gardening as a remedy for many ills, both physical and mental. Perhaps they should firmly but kindly prescribe it to these time wasters. That might see them off! And if they actually enjoy it job done, though heaven help their fellow gardeners who’ll be seen as a whole new audience.

I grew up with a mother, who loved being ill,why did she do it? it was anxiety related,she had a mental illness,it lasted throughout her life,the causes of it were many, upbringing,a terrible marriage etc.Most of my life i have pandered to the call of 'sick' people,until it made me ill,i wonder why i did it? Do these people need our sympathy /help or should we reject them? why are these people among us? there go I......

HannahLoisLuke

I’ve heard that GPS are prescribing gardening as a remedy for many ills, both physical and mental. Perhaps they should firmly but kindly prescribe it to these time wasters. That might see them off! And if they actually enjoy it job done, though heaven help their fellow gardeners who’ll be seen as a whole new audience.

Unfortunately, those people will go absolutely berserk if anything like walking, gardening, counselling, if even mentionned, even after every possible test has been done and come back negative. This is part of the 'condition' - and don't mention that they are 'stressed' or they will hit the roof. They will go shopping around doctors until they find one who will tell them what they want to hear, and give them a long, useless and massive prescription- privately of course, and confirm to them that all the other doctors are idiots! (for a large fee)

They want to be perceived as I’ll and have no intention of ‘recovering’.

ill not I’ll.

I have a relative with Diabetes and for the last few years has
been wearing a monitor which can be tracked on the phone.
Its like being with a third person. Her , me and the diabetes.
The checking of blood sugars prevents normal conversation,
I have started to avoid long periods in her company as the
conversation inevitably revolves around the latest reading.