Endless fretting about "School mums" and party invites.

It’s become ridiculous with some (not all, I stress). This need to compete, outdo, etc, at huge cost. Why? Also, how do these parents that do it, afford it?
My parents simply told me they couldn’t afford it if I asked for something they couldn’t afford. I accepted it (had no choice, I suppose. If I’d sulked, it wouldn’t have changed anything - if it couldn’t be afforded, it didn’t happen).
I think I attended one birthday tea party, if memory serves me right (it’s a long time ago 😁), and I recall having one tea party for a birthday with a limited number of friends, never the whole class). I seem to have grown up relatively undamaged by such restrictions!!

Apart from one birthday party the only parties I can remember are coronation street parties for Elizabeth II. I was 9 then and I dont remember any others. Perhaps by then I had grown out of them and had other ways to spend my time.

Imagine inviting 30 kids ot a party! The tought would fill me with horror. However do you amuse 30 kids?

My super confident DGD decided to invite her best girl friend, her two "best boyfriends", and two other boys. Starbucks and playground outing.

Felt sorry for the unbest boyfriends. but this was a one off.

They live in rural Co Durham where money is scare and a lot of families hire the village hall for next to nothing and have DIY family catering and v cheap party bags and games. cuppas for mums and grans and lots of noise and dashing around.

Felt sorry for the unbest boyfriends. but this was a one off
😂😂😂
How old is she?

I couldn't have invited the whole class to my parties (I only remember having two).
There were 42 girls in my class at primary school and we only had a little house.

Erm...she's 7 going on 13 Callistemon and I believe all had a good time. she had her princess dress on despite also attending climbing and athletics clubs and being the first (to frustration of elder brother) to swing on ropes over water, jump off rocks, climb trees, etc.

Yes, it didnt happen when I was little either. I had friends round and banana sandwiches and cake. But these days its very common to invite a whole class to places like village halls and in a way I think thats nice so no one gets left out. (tho the story of no one turning up is very sad - it hasn't happened to the ones I hear about, they are all too glad to get out and play on a saturday afternoon and mums and grans (few dads) have a good natter)

Quote M0nica Tue 16-May-23 20:35:05
There are far too many sweeping statements on this thread
Yes, SOME parents and children get all het up about parties and play dates, but an awful lot don't. The same with extravagent parties. SOME parents and chidlren want to have these parties and out Jones the Joneses, but an awful lot don't
Thank you for some common sense.
Alas “far too many sweeping statements” is too often par for the course

Another thing about children’s parties nowadays- it seems a lot of parents stay for the actual party, instead of dropping the child off and returning later.

Why?

Is it because they need to be helicoptering around the child at all times, checking they are ok, not eating too much of the wrong food, not being missed out of any of the games?

I would have hated other mums hanging around at any parties I hosted. And wouldn’t have wanted to stay myself at others, feeling obliged to lend a hand.

Does that make me a bad mum?

Probably.

When I was a child you had a little get together at the other child's house. Only friends/cousins/siblings attended (usually about ten kids) and you had sandwiches, little gems and jelly and custard, played musical chairs and pass the parcel. You took your slippers and made sure you said 'Thank you for having me'. One girl's mum ran a guest house and they were great parties as she had the space for games, tea and dancing the twist to an old record player with stacked records. Good old early 60s.

Does that make me a bad mum?

I keep hearing this phrase. Every time a parent dos the slightest thing different or doesn't do what people think they should they castigate themselves and talk about themselves being bad mums It is utterly ridiculous, none of us is a perfect mum, and how many times have we discussed this?

There are far less rigid barriers around what being a 'good' mother is now than when most of us had children when there was a strong general feeling that the place for a mother was in the home, not in the work place and now most of us are relaxed and happy with diversity, in this specific case in the make up of families and life styles, so why this obsession with being a 'bad mum' every time someone doesn't give a child the party of their dreams, designer clothes, or a perfect trouble free childhood?

My two had late spring and early summer birthdays three week apart so we always had a joint party in the middle with friends for both.

We where lucky to have patio doors to open on to the garden.

We had fancy dress one year and an entertainer another,and others just games and prizes.

The parties from the age of 5 -10, culminated with a joint disco for two classes and other friends in the community centre I think about 72 children it was chaos,well supervised and organised and so much fun.

I loved doing the parties it was such a happy time, I loved seeing them having fun.

I was able to do the same for my DGD,who I brought up from the age of 4, happy memories for all of us.

My children had little birthday parties with their best friends and neighbours children. They were nice little parties home made cake goody bags etc nothing elaborate but my two were always happy.
There were very occasionally invites to theme parks etc. I was on my own for a time and couldn’t afford the expense. My children never felt left out if they couldn’t go.
Mumsnet is not for me I’m a Gran and not remotely concerned about whinging mums on ego trips about their children.

One DIL seems to have made it her life's work - to organise, plan and attend these many parties and events - along with documenting everything on Facebook and Instagram.

Her kids never seem that bothered, though, as it's all about her social life, not theirs. What a waste of time and effort!

So, times have really changed - for some. My four had simple parties at home until they were aged 9, then it was a nice outing with a friend - and often siblings, their choice. We never did party bags, just a piece of cake and balloon. Once, there were far too many kids for our table and chairs so we had an 'indoor picnic' on sheets placed on the floor!

Foxygloves

It never cease to amazed me why we on GN should be expected to be bothered by threads on Mumsnet.

If I wanted to read MN I would have joined but what exercises young mums does not actually float my boat so I remain agog with indifference

Ditto.

We didn’t have ‘play dates’ as such, but it was normal then for children who might live in the next road, or 20 odd houses away, to knock on the door* and say, ‘Can Tom/Tina play?’ Many parents are not so keen now for children to wander any distance, so more formal arrangements are made with the other parents. My dd makes such arrangements for elder Gdcs - not sure whether she actually calls them play dates though.

*My father was once tickled pink when a small boy he didn’t recognise, knocked on the door and asked whether my younger brother could play.
So my father asked who he was.
‘I’m Bristlebonce’s bruvver.’ 😂
Amid a lot of mirth even years later, DF would tell the story of Bristlebonce and Bristlebonce’s bruvver.

Some of them pay so much money for professional entertainers or afternoons at adventure parks etc it is unbelievable. They seem to want some sort of ‘theme’. Some of my grandchildren often attend these sort of parties. Typically the presents cost around $50- too much in my opinion. Fine if you only have a couple of kids but not so good if you have more. Another popular one is to host a ‘restaurant’birthday which costs a fortune. Glad we didn’t have that when my kids were young- I think we had a maccas party once but that was not expensive. When I was young you invited your friends round, had a few games like pass the parcel, sausage rolls and a birthday cake.

There was absolutely nothing like this when I was young, and very little when my children were young, thank goodness.
They did have birthday parties, but chose treats out as they grew older, thank goodness. We used to take them, with a friend or two, to the zoo, or cinema maybe, or a McDonalds. I much preferred that to having several little boys around to tea!

Sparklefizz

Foxygloves

It never cease to amazed me why we on GN should be expected to be bothered by threads on Mumsnet.

If I wanted to read MN I would have joined but what exercises young mums does not actually float my boat so I remain agog with indifference

Ditto.

There are plenty of older women, inc. grandmothers, on MN - it’s far from being the sole province of young mothers,

I first joined MN when dd found that baby #2 was going to arrive just 15 months after the first - I was looking for ‘close age gap’ stories/info., of which there were plenty - mostly very reassuring.
I still read it regularly - often amusing as well as exasperating - and (I have to say) many more interesting threads than on GN. (Yes, I waste too much time on it…).

Wyllow3

Erm...she's 7 going on 13 Callistemon and I believe all had a good time. she had her princess dress on despite also attending climbing and athletics clubs and being the first (to frustration of elder brother) to swing on ropes over water, jump off rocks, climb trees, etc.

Sounds like mine 😀
I think it's a 'strictly no boys' phase now she's slightly older, though.

It's all gone far too American, hugely expensive, stressful- and puts a lot of pressure on parents who can't afford it at the moment.

How do you entertain 39 kids biglouis? You spend even more money hiring a very special place, private pool, and a professional entertainer of course !?!

And with 39 children, parents have to be there, so refreshments have to be provided for them too.

Lots of drinking and drink driving with kids too ...

My Gds’ birthday often falls on the very last day of the summer term, so his party has usually been held in the park opposite the school - whole class plus other friends invited - and a lot of parents present. Dd and SiL are super-sociable types so there have always been drinks for parents, too - beers or e.g.Prosecco, and plenty of food.
Just as well there are some very big shady trees - last year it was 40 deg 😱 - the kids didn’t seem to care, though - and SiL’s preparation of umpteen water balloons to chuck went down very well - nobody threw one at poor old boiling granny, though.