Endless fretting about "School mums" and party invites.

Younger age group on average drink much less than the over 45 s so its probably less of a worry.

But the vast majority of children do not have these kinds of parties, for all sorts of reasons, cannot afford them, can see no point in them, have brought their children up with different values.

Do see this subject in perspective.

Huge pressure to keep up with the Jones- if others in the class to have those parties, and it becomes expected. Or if your child goes to a private school!

Fleurpepper

Lots of drinking and drink driving with kids too ...

I meant tea, coffee, a sandwich or two 😲

Dickens

Where did "play dates", "date nights" and "sleepovers" come from?

And the wincingly awful "daddy-daughter date".

I've absolutely no idea why, but these phrases make my toes curl. Thy sound so simpering. But then I'm a curmudgeonly old bat anyway.

They’re probably imported from America…

Huge pressure to keep up with the Jones- if others in the class to have those parties, and it becomes expected. Or if your child goes to a private school

Fleurpepper, I disagree plenty of families are not remotely interested in keeping up with Jones - and that includes the parents of children at private schools. Many parents are cutting back hugely to send their children to private school and do not have the money to stage big parties, and couldn't care less.

My two went to private secondary schools and when one school had an appeal to fund a project, it failed because , although parents loved the school, and wanted to help, they said that quite simply they could not afford to do so.

DS told us got his street cred from the fact that my car was an old banger. I had a line in elderly SAABS that we picked up cheaply and DH then fixed up. When I came to the station once to pick up DS and some friends to return them to school after an outing, I turned up in the family car and had to go home and swap the cars over because the boys were so dsiappointed that they werent going to get a ride in my old car.

Certainly not the case at our GCs schools.

I wasn't invited to any parties when I was a kid and it never bothered my parents.

Children’s birthday parties are completely out of hand!

With he advent of social media, TikTok and Instagram - values, meaning, common sense have gone out the window… replaced by ostentation, competitiveness, party bags and meaningless waste. It’s a new era.

Too young kids are overwhelmed, overstimulated and don’t even understand the farce - while mothers sit and drink. Older kids are imprinted with the idea that this normal?

Not in my time, not in my (step-)children’s not in my niece’s/nephew’s, not in grandchildren’s time was this even possible.

Parents need to reverse the CIRCUS back to a memorable tradition.
Less is more!
USA Gundy

So glad I dont have kids. If I had they would get an old fashioned party with sandwiches, cake, custard and jelly and tradtional games. None of these themed tableaux and goody bags.

I did do parties for my children, they started off as simple, traditional tea parties with pass the parcel and the like when they were very young. As they progressed through the school, year on year these affairs and the expectations got worse and somehow I got sucked in, most people seemed to be having them. When the numbers became too great we opted for outside the home events, organised swimming, football, a couple of joint ones with other mums in activity centres. Best ones, were roller discos because they and their friends were really into in line skates. Finally, they grew out of wanting us, or any other parents there, thank God and took themselves off with a group of close friends to maybe laser quest, paint balling or a Pizza Express. I never enjoyed all that palaver glad it's in the past for me. Yes I gather it's even worse now, although I do remember one of my friends who veers on the edge of ridiculous as far as indulging her only child is concerned, confessing to spending a ridiculous amount of money on some sort of gift for each child's party bag They, the bag, was only ever meant to shove a bit of birthday cake in.

Parties were few and far between when I was at school, usually afternoon tea with a couple of friends having been primed to be on one's best behaviour with the mantra of "don't forget your please and thank yous and most importantly thank Mrs So so for having me" focused in the mind as one crossed the threshold of the birthday girl's home!

Witzend

TBH I can understand children getting upset if it’s very obvious that many others have been invited, but they’ve been left out.

Dd1 is 44 now, but until she was maybe 9 or 10 she always insisted on inviting the whole class to her birthday parties. I still think of the little boy of maybe 8, who said, ‘Thank you for inviting me to your party, Lucy* - nobody else does.’ 😥

*not her real name.

When we had parties during primary school we always asked everybody. We had a similar experience to Witzend when a little boy spent most of the party playing our piano and thanked us for inviting us as it was the only party he'd ever been invited to. He ate a huge amount of sandwiches and cake and took a big bag of food home with him.
His alcoholic father ran a pub, his mother had left and he and his brother were left neglected at home. This was only 30 years ago and I'm still surprised that nobody intervened to sort out some help for them, even though the school were well aware what was going on.
They went to school hungry, grubby and smelly. This story has a happy ending as he grew up OK, got a job, married and lives happily with a family of his own.

I certainly feel sorry for young parents now.
Children are almost always fine with whatever fun they're offered, but the parental angst and suffering must be unbearable!

sorry, mistype above "...thanked us for inviting him..."

So let me understand this

New generations are show offs, one ups and irresponsible/neglectful or too involved with our kids but

In the furniture thread, while some of posters had perfectly working furniture that worked just fine (hand me downs), they went and spent a good amount of money on quality and craftsmanship

Isn't that following up with the Jones trend?
Why did you have do what other people did?
Why invest that amount of money on furniture when I am sure the family had other needs to cover as well?

Now, parents may or not stay in birthday parties because
1. They want to stay
2. They are also friends with the host and hostess - that is the case with my friends and my family, the kids and the parents are friends
3. It is a lot of responsibility for 1 or 2 adults to oversee a crowd of rowdy kids on sugar rush
4. Why do you care if you are not the one staying at the bday party? Live and let live

Hithere

So let me understand this

New generations are show offs, one ups and irresponsible/neglectful or too involved with our kids but

In the furniture thread, while some of posters had perfectly working furniture that worked just fine (hand me downs), they went and spent a good amount of money on quality and craftsmanship

Isn't that following up with the Jones trend?
Why did you have do what other people did?
Why invest that amount of money on furniture when I am sure the family had other needs to cover as well?

Now, parents may or not stay in birthday parties because
1. They want to stay
2. They are also friends with the host and hostess - that is the case with my friends and my family, the kids and the parents are friends
3. It is a lot of responsibility for 1 or 2 adults to oversee a crowd of rowdy kids on sugar rush
4. Why do you care if you are not the one staying at the bday party? Live and let live

Indeed. It's just a difference in ways to accomplish an event.

Same as the furniture thread. Attitudes change (though mine have not, I've never bought any new furniture, old will do).

Totally agree, far too much value is placed on 'being popular ' and not missing out. I raised my boys to realise that 'life isn't fair'. It's ok to be disappointed, but don't let it ruin your life.

A funny thing happened when my son was a child. He was invited to a classmates birthday party. When we arrived the mum said its not his birthday, he made it up! We were turned away, gift in hand.

It's a source of great anguish for many, especially SEN children, who get missed out of all this whirlwind of parties. The competitive nature of the school gates can be horrific. Both children and parents can end up being socially excluded and snubbed by cliques of more 'popular' parents. I've not read the Mumsnet discussion on this topic but I still shudder as I remember those times, and as a 49 year old working parent with a child in Infants I certainly wasn't one of the trendy and popular mums at the gates. It was easier with my first but seemed to have become far more competitive by the time I had my second and I think it's only got worse since then. I feel so sorry for parents now, so much criticism, competition and judgement. I was once elbowed and pushed quite hard by someone who wanted to muscle in on a chat I was having with a 'high status' parent who happened to be my next door neighbour. Guess I was lucky as I did have a couple of good supportive friends who, like me, tried to avoid the frenzy and not succumb to the infighting. For parents who feel isolated or lonely it must be awful. Even worse for the children designated the role of 'unpopular'.

I think ee Allhallows eto move on from when we were children, or even when our children were small. Times/things change. Some for the good some not. I'm glad my children aren't at this stage anymore. Young parents are under a lot of pressure. No one wants to be 'different' . I sympathise and can understand this.

My mother kiboshed party invitations for me as she insisted that my sister can too so would drop the two of us at the door and scarper. Consequently, I stopped being invited and I really believed I was disliked until in my thirties my Aunt explained what had happened. Everybody in the class was invited except me and my self esteem suffered enormously. Oh to have had type of parent who was aware and cared enough to understand how soul destroying it is to be excluded.

We never had parties when I was growing up. My birthday is on Boxing Day and was in danger of being forgotten altogether in the melee of Christmas.
I did do fairly simple parties for my two girls, tea, games, balloons etc but when my son arrived twenty five years later (second marriage) things had definitely changed. Fortunately our neighbours son was the same age so for a couple of their birthdays we got together and did joint parties where we hired the village hall, an entertainer ( he was really good) and both pitched in with the food. Another time we took our son and a group of school friends to see the Chuckle Brothers at a local theatre. As he got older there were ten pin bowling parties or ice skating or go karting but then inevitably it became uncool to have parties and thank goodness and we were able to ditch them.

Didn’t have many parties in the 1930s and 40s but remember one when I was fourteen and we played a game which involved kissing a boy. When my father heard about it he was extremely cross and gave me a lecture about the dangers of kissing a boy!

When l was a child, we Hadleigh traditional parties at home with games and party tea. I think around ten children altogether including siblings. This was normal in the sixties/seventies. With my own children, we hired a room which was popular with local families. We carried on the tradition of party games and tea. This was the early 2000s.

*hired