My 18 year old granddaughter and possible ADD

No, keep her confidence but invite her to talk to you about it again. Maybe make a few suggestions about where to get help if she is receptive. It is not worth the risk of losing her trust if you betray her confidentiality.

Op

Your history with your daughter is complex

I am not sure you are qualified to help your gc

Plus your gc has already told you what she prefers - why do you question it?

She is an adult, regarless of how immature you perceive her to be

Let your gc decide for herself. She Will manage and land on her two feet

Regardless

I have ADD. Never 'properly' assessed, ADD wasn't diagnosed when I was a child. I did fine in school, no help needed. Nuns occasionally told me to 'pay attention and concentrate' on the boring topics - that was enough.

I easily self regulate. My brother (67 years old, just retired) finished uni, was a top NYC attorney - with ADD. He also self regulates.

Your GD will be fine, with you to confide in and cheer her on.

Norah Do remember that ADD - or ADHD, dysparaxia, dyslexia are not fixed problems at a fixed level. Some people have it more severely than others, and it affects people in different ways.

I wish mine and DS's and DGS's could be defined by: Nuns occasionally told me to 'pay attention and concentrate' on the boring topics - and I was also taught by nuns! I have always found concentration a problem, even when a topic fascinated me. I know other people who have far more problems me. I had a boss who made me look like the sleeping beauty. Brilliant, but exhausting and very difficult to work with. I had a successful career as has DS, but the reason he has gone for asseesment in his 50s is because he has come close to a nervous breakdown struggling with his problems.

At times my mind is like a very bouncy ball that cannot be caught and reacts to anything and everything. IAt times like that I find sitting down or staying still almost impossible. Other times I go into a deep intense concentration and achieve a lot. When in that state the world could end, the house could be consumed by fire, The King could call by and I simply wouldn't notice.

Your GD has confided in you - not in her mother. If you go behind her back, you will alienate both yourself and your to daughter. If the Community College has a student counsellor, I'd advise the girl to talk to them. I'm sure they will be well versed in the kind of issues, such as lack of concentration, that you describe. She really should have advice from experts, and not from family with whom she is emotionally involved.

M0nica, I'm very well aware there are levels of ADD. My brother, many of our daughters, and grandchildren have ADD (genetics, I suppose).

However, my point was none of us had assessments - wasn't done in our ages. We've all coped well with small talk from nuns.

My brother, 2 of our daughters are wildly successful - matters not.

My post was meant as a positive "GD will be fine, with you to confide in and cheer her on" - not a debate on types/severity of ADD.

I think Norah that just because you and your family coped well, it doesn't mean others did as well because, as I said, ADD, ADHD and all the other forms of neural diversity affects different people in different ways. ADD has brought my son close to a mental breakdown, and our DGS, now in secondary school struggles with the routines of school life, despite doing well academically.

I am much of an age as you and certainly didn't breeze through childhood with the casualness that you and your family managed.

My childhood was quite lonely because I was never really accepted by other children. I was considered odd and different and I really did not understand other children as none of them thought as I did. I do still have one really good friend from school. But she too was another oddity.

As well as ADHD, I have dyspraxia which was diagnosed in my 40s and I found knowing and understanding why I was so cack handed and clumsy and my handwriting was so dreadful, no matter how hard I tried, was immensely helpful. I did not tell anyone outside my immediate family about the diagnosis, I did not take any drugs, but the therapist who tested and examined me did give me exercises to do that helped with some problems. Since then I have gradually learned more about the condition and how ir affects other aspects of life, like sequencing whether in exercise or numbers.

I find a knowledge and understanding of my condition has been immensely helpful, I wish the help had been there for my son and I am thankful that it will be there for my grandson.

M0nica, I am much of an age as you and certainly didn't breeze through childhood with the casualness that you and your family managed.

The OP is not about me and mine dealing with ADD/ADHD or your lonely childhood - everyone copes differently to their life situations. Some take adderall, some have executive functioning lessons, therapy.

My childhood was quite lonely because I was never really accepted by other children. I was considered odd and different and I really did not understand other children as none of them thought as I did.

Perhaps partly because, as I believe you have told, your Forces Sergeant father moved often and to foreign places as well? You changed schools quite regularly - not making friends as an outsider?

Regardless, my advice doesn't change, perhaps OP is best served being supportive confidante - I suspect it will all work out well.

Actually Norah I was mainly at schools where most of the children were forces brats like me. and at 11 I went to boarding school and spent 7 years at the same school.

I have never mentioned my father's rank, so I am not sure where you got 'sergeant' from.

In retrospect I would describe my childhood as alonely rather than lonely. Boarding school is gregarious whether you like it or not and I had a sister close to me in age and one dear friend, who I met at secondary school and we remain close

I am not sure why you feel so anatagonistic about my experience compared with yours. Both of us have someting to contribute to a discussion like this because we have had such differing experiences.

M0nica, We agree, both discussing. My ADD from a place of lovely schooling by nuns, here where we still live and send ours.

All good, no antagonism.

I think OP that your granddaughter is very fortunate in having you to talk to. I always emphasise to my DGD that I will not speak to her mother about anything she confides in me. Except of course if there is a dangerous situation when I would strongly encourage her to tell her mother and that I would be there with her if she wanted/needed me. Your DGD is an adult so I think you have to respect that. I hope she has a happy and successful time at college.

lovely schooling by nuns
sounds like an oxymoron to me.
sadistic thugs more like.
and totally inappropriate model for adult behaviour and relationships, as the vast majority of pupils will not grow up to be nuns. thank goodness.

welbeck You are talking from personal experience, as is Norah. I was educated by nuns at 4 different convent schools and my experience is widely varying. Some were fine, some were terrible. Just like any other group of people.

welbeck

lovely schooling by nuns
sounds like an oxymoron to me.
sadistic thugs more like.
and totally inappropriate model for adult behaviour and relationships, as the vast majority of pupils will not grow up to be nuns. thank goodness.

No thugs, we had/have lovely teachers.

Their behaviour was/is a totally appropriate model no matter whether the end relationship be in the Church or with a family.

I love my Church and it's school.