Should I just scatter the ashes anyway?

My ashes are going to be put in a disused badger hole close to the footpath where I regularly walk my dog. It has a lovely view, not that I will be able to appreciate it. There’s room for hubby too. The children have been shown the spot and are not objecting to the plan. It’s quite comforting to know where I am going to spend eternity.

My dad's ashes were scattered in the crem grounds. Mum always regretted that later as the place was all rhododendrums and quite dark - dad loved sunshine. When mum died she was a believer so we buried an oak box with her ashes in the church grounds, where there is now a developing area of foot-square slabs. The vicar suggested that we take some soil from where dad's ashes had been and added them to the same hole, a homeopathic solution which seemed pretty smart. Both their names are on the stone, so we have a place to go that feels special to them.

I think more churches etc are doing this now, as cremation is more common but people want a consecrated site.

Absolutely do it. I would.

I hope I don’t cause offence by posting this but reading some of the mishaps here in relation to scattering ashes has reminded me of something my cousin sent me the day before I was planning to scatter ashes . He simply said “Please don’t end up like this tomorrow”

youtube.com/shorts/8Zd2N4lI2zE?feature=share

After my sister was cremated, my dad put her ashes in some rockets (fireworks) - there was a rocket each for my parents, myself and my niece. Her scattering, with permission, was done over the loch outside my village where she used to walk her dog. It was a spectacular send off and there was a barbecue afterwards for all the family and friends. There are a number of companies in the UK that offer this service.

Just a warning ashes do lie on the ground until heavy rain washes them in. My sister in law planned to bury some of my brother ( her husband's) in the hole made for my Mums ashes with my dads previously there, in a graveyard next door to the house we had all lived in, of the church we all got married and then had grandchildren christened in. She got there too late so put them on the ground. It was rather obvious for sometime afterwards. Didn't upset any of us but didn't look good

lixy

But still illegal...

Most crematoria have 'gardens of remembrance' where ashes can be scattered either by yourself of by a member of staff. They would not be disturbed there.

"GARDENS' of remembrance - often roses, but gardens, why would you have a 'garden' of remembrance if they were so toxic?

Also 'scatter not leave in a large lump.

My daughter is partly in my room, and partly in an ashes plot - she will also be going to Scotland where she was born, and in the very large garden where she lived when she was little assuming we get permission - just a small vial for each, and her best friends also have a little to be made into jewellery. That would have been what she wanted too.

Do it *Witzend .... in any case what would THEY have liked?

Bijou

I have heard that some undertakers don’t bother to separate different peoples ashes anyway.

We asked about that one as we were concerned - they do NOT mix them - what goes in the cremator, comes out of the cremator ...

My daughter heard that that they reuse the coffins too, so asked our lovely undertaker, and she was horrified at the thought! I did say that we would not be paying full price to rent one!

Recently visited Llandudno and notices along the Great Orme and the park saying illegal to scatter human remains and please don't do it. First time I have ever seen a notice like that, I suppose because a beauty and holiday spot it would happen.

Nellietheelephant

My partner's ashes were put into a metal container and given to my step-daughter (he died in France). Not having decided what to do with them, she put "him" on the sitting-room mantle shelf for the time being. Some time later, her house was burgled and we found the empty container in the middle of the carpet. No ashes to be found anywhere. We decided the thieves must have thought the contents were something valuable (or illegal) and taken them with them! Whether my partner would have found it funny or been very upset, we couldn't decide.

Oh dear, you can guess what they did with them then! Bet it didn't half make them sneeze!

Mix them together, then place them under a newly planted tree or shrub.

My father's ashes are in a large pot in the garden. I planted a rose in the pot and it seems to be thriving. He didn't care where he was put and probably would have preferred to have been put in the dustbin. Not a sentimental man, my father.

Human ashes don’t fertilise roses, they kill them.

@MadeInYorkshire Mon 10-Jul-23 20:42:57
My daughter heard that that they reuse the coffins too, so asked our lovely undertaker, and she was horrified at the thought! I did say that we would not be paying full price to rent one!

Sounds like a good idea. Coffins are mostly off the peg now, so why not re-use? As long as the body hasn't been in it too long. Other countries, esp those that have fast turnaround for funerals, just use a shroud. I fancy that idea, but I suspect it would freak out my LovedOnes. Could have a special fabric wrap or even a bit of tapestry.

I bet the 'do anything you want' brigade would think again if others just chucked the human bonemeal all over their land. Still, it's all just as expected from the entitled, antisocial, environmentally unfriendly folk - any rules don't apply to them.

Hetty58 it’s the same whatever rules you look at - scattering ashes, wearing a mask, dropping litter, and others too many to mention here.
People choose which rules to follow.

Mollygo, yes they do - and in this 'posh' area, not picking up dog poo - if nobody is looking - seems acceptable too. Those of us with Ring doorbells will post the images of 'offenders' on the neighbourhood forum - so watch out.

Where are you ordinarygirl - I didn't know that the UK had approved water resomation yet but maybe I'm wrong? Or you are elsewhere?

Hetty58

I bet the 'do anything you want' brigade would think again if others just chucked the human bonemeal all over their land. Still, it's all just as expected from the entitled, antisocial, environmentally unfriendly folk - any rules don't apply to them.

Wow, quite the sweeping generalisation there, Hetty58. How is the rarified air up there on your moral high ground?

I have to say with respect I do agree with @easybee. If it is strictly not allowed, then please don't scatter your parents ashes there, that is very disrespectful. There must be other places you could scatter them.
I have both my parents ashes at home in a small wooden casket, only because I can't bare the thought of scattering their ashes, plus I know it's sounds silly but I feel close to them knowing I have them with me. I will leave it up to my daughter and son to choose what they want to do when I am no longer here. They have my full understanding and permission that they might want to scatter them. Not everyone wants family ashes in their house.
I quite like the idea of burying them in the garden, and buying a rose bush or tree to plant with them. Then there is still a focal point of remembrance.

Blondiescot

Hetty58

I bet the 'do anything you want' brigade would think again if others just chucked the human bonemeal all over their land. Still, it's all just as expected from the entitled, antisocial, environmentally unfriendly folk - any rules don't apply to them.

Wow, quite the sweeping generalisation there, Hetty58. How is the rarified air up there on your moral high ground?

Well obviously cleaner than the air on the moral low groun - which will be full of ash😬

A member of my family works for a nation-wide crematoria chain. Firstly, cremations ARE single person, not mixed. Family members are able to witness the cremation, should they wish, though I would imagine not many do so.
Secondly, they are offering (no doubt at great expense), the option for the ashes to be taken up in a plane, and scattered into the atmosphere, where over the course of the following days/weeks, they will come back down, probably in rain droplets, so for the squeamish on here, always take an umbrella when it rains!
A close friend of ours, had a scattering of their ashes on a quiet stretch of beach which was special to them (with the tide going out, so being blown back wasn't a problem). We all took a handful to scatter and say our individual goodbyes. And, this was done under the blessing and direction of the religious order they were closely associated with. I'm sure if this had not been allowed, the Sisters would not have arranged it so.

Dragonfly46 we took ashes on a flight to menorca, admittedly only one urn, but the staff were ever so helpful, the now defunct monarch.

When I was young, there were certain houses all down our road where you just knew somebody was spying on everything you did, quite often behind net curtains.

Now we have the ring doorbell group, although ours isn’t activated by people walking along the pavement and I’d have to alter the setting to make it record long enough to watch all the dog walkers that go past. Still, catching people out might be more interesting than some of the things that are on TV at the moment.

Please don't.
I garden with a local group caring for a garden open to the public.
People love walking through it & appreciate our hard work. No doubt their loved ones enjoyed their visits but digging in people's ashes is not pleasant.
At least find out Why it is prohibited.