Tracking On Phones.

I don't think anyone is arguing that it's not a very useful function at times. Or arguing that it shouldn't be used. But to me it's the constant monitoring of what other people are doing throughout their day that's totally wrong. Having a quick check for a specific purpose is not the same as keeping track of people all day just because you want to know what they are doing.

Mamie

It seems to me that people throwing their hands up in horror at the very idea have failed to understand that if you don't want it on your phone, you can refuse to install it in the first place, pause it, or just delete the bl**dy thing.

I’m sorry Mamie I don’t think you understand. People who are victims of control don’t delete the app because they think it’s normal for people to behave like this. Even highly intelligent and educated people can believe this is normal. Eventually they become aware it’s not normal, that’s it’s controlling behaviour and they leave the relationship, which in itself is difficult for them. It’s entirely different than parents using the app so that they know where their children are for safety reasons.
I know someone who was controlled in this way, it really happens.

AreWeThereYet and maddyone - totally agree with you both.

We have Life 360 for ourselves and son’s family. We don’t regard it as tracking, rather that we know where everyone is at any given time. We are not following each other constantly.

Blondiescot

AreWeThereYet and maddyone - totally agree with you both.

I agree with you all .

I also think that the idea that not wanting it means that you have something to hide is dangerous. Wanting privacy is not synonymous with having anything to hide.

We have an app called Life 360 on all our family phones. We love to see where we all are. Everyone is happy to be seen and it is comforting to know if one of us is out on their own (especially my daughter out riding) someone knows where they are. BTW my children are all grown up with children of their own.

Doodledog

Blondiescot

AreWeThereYet and maddyone - totally agree with you both.

I agree with you all .

I also think that the idea that not wanting it means that you have something to hide is dangerous. Wanting privacy is not synonymous with having anything to hide.

Exactly. And if people can't see the difference in that, that's worrying.

My adult son has invited us to join his "Find My". My husband looks at it to see what he's up to or where he is but I rarely do. My son often rings me when he is in his cups and walking home on his own from a night out. It is something he did as a teenager and he carried on with it so he feels safe. Once we got cut off suddenly and he made a funny noise as it happened. He didn't ring back as normally does and I was able to check his phone was still moving in the direction he was supposed to be going so I didn't need to worry.
My other children would find it an invasion of their privacy but I am happy to let them have my consent to see where I am mainly so when I am picking them up at their house they can be ready so I don't have to wait for them!
If the adults are consenting and there is no coercion, I don't see a problem. I let my husband track me and I can track him but, quite honestly, I don't see any point 99% of the time.
Each to their own.

I do understand that maddyone, but I do not think you can ban something that is useful and can help keep people safe, because it can also be subject to misuse. You are not going to prevent controlling behaviour by getting rid of an app, there are plenty of covert ways of stalking and tracking. The key thing here is to understand how technology can be abused and to empower potential victims to protect themselves online as well as other ways.

AreWeThereYet

Both parties do have to consent but I wonder how many ACs who consented for a particular reason (travelling, for instance) realise they are being stalked throughout the day as they go about their life? Many would probably laugh it off, depending on who was doing it. I would too, to a certain extent. But it would make me feel a bit queasy, and I don't think I would be comfortable with the stalker in the future. Although I would feel quite sad for anyone watching me go about my fairly boring (to anyone else), mundane life.

One of the parties just has to press ‘delete’ and that’s it, no need to ask anyone for permission.

AreWeThereYet

I don't think anyone is arguing that it's not a very useful function at times. Or arguing that it shouldn't be used. But to me it's the constant monitoring of what other people are doing throughout their day that's totally wrong. Having a quick check for a specific purpose is not the same as keeping track of people all day just because you want to know what they are doing.

Having a quick check for a specific purpose is not the same as keeping track of people all day just because you want to know what they are doing.

It very much depends on the nature of the individual, and the purpose of the individual wanting to track a family member's movements, I believe.

The poster who said that her OH sometimes took long walks into isolated areas, for example, makes a good point in favour of tracking. So do those who are closely involved and interacting with family - picking up kids from school whilst AC are at work, etc, etc.

However, in the hands of those who have a 'controlling' nature, or whose idle curiosity leads them to question why someone is doing something or going somewhere, then one could say it's not a very good idea.

Case in point; my ex MIL and late ex DH were both controlling individuals. Ex MIL was the type of person who lived a regulated life where certain things were done at specific times and any deviation would arouse suspicion about what one was "up to". Late ex was both possessive and controlling. If either had had the option of tracking me, I would've been required to constantly explain my movements and give reasons for why I went there instead of here. The very fact of not wanting to be tracked would have made me suspect. They were both very much of the "if-you've-nothing-to-hide^... etc brigade.

And that's what worries me - the notion that wanting privacy without having to justify it, is somehow suspicious. One poster on here has actually voiced that opinion implying that if you've "nothing to hide" you shouldn't be averse to being tracked! If people can't understand that you don't want to go through life without someone metaphorically tapping you on the shoulder questioning your movements, then that is quite depressing. IMO.

And of course, there is always the risk that those who are obsessively tracking a partner, for instance, may find out something they hadn't bargained for!

I accept it has its purpose in lots of situations, however tracking adult children - well just weird especially if they don't know!!!! Bizarre.

Morning all. My take on this is that if it works for you and yours, then let it. Social/family 'tracking' is not a new phenomenon. Modern devices have simply extended the range of where it can happen. A few decades ago it was the 'curtain twitchers' making their 'reports' at the local shop. But before that, 'tracking' went on for centuries in small communities, and is one of the reasons people find it challenging to live in small towns and villages.

In the end it comes down to trust within a family. If you don't trust someone's behaviour or motives then don't use it. Ours is there if we or other members need to look at it. If we wanted to hide where we were going for a particular reason then we would just pause it. As we are all busy doing other things I doubt anyone would notice and they certainly wouldn't comment.

I am not sure people understand how uncomfortable the curtain twitchers made people though

I’m unsure how pointing out that trackers can be abused and used to control people translates into wanting them banned. I have at no point even suggested they should be banned. I have said they have clear advantages for parents so they know where their teenage children are all the time. As far as adults go, I believe it’s entirely up to them if they want to use them, and if they are found to be useful or reassuring that’s good.
What I have said, two or three times, is that they can be misused and they can be used as an instrument of control, and that I know someone who this happened to.
We should not sing the praises of anything without understanding and acknowledging the disadvantages and misuse that can result. In some cases that misuse is serious.

Thankyou maddy. Discussing issues relating to childrens and adults independence is not banning something its exploring quite complex issues of risk, etc.

I will reiterate, I know someone whose partner used the tracking function to constantly track them and was questioning them all through the day with constant texts and calls. They couldn’t even go into a coffee shop for a coffee without prompting a text/call. All their spending was monitored too.
Good post Dickens at 8.03.

Thanks Galaxy too.

maddyone

I’m unsure how pointing out that trackers can be abused and used to control people translates into wanting them banned. I have at no point even suggested they should be banned. I have said they have clear advantages for parents so they know where their teenage children are all the time. As far as adults go, I believe it’s entirely up to them if they want to use them, and if they are found to be useful or reassuring that’s good.
What I have said, two or three times, is that they can be misused and they can be used as an instrument of control, and that I know someone who this happened to.
We should not sing the praises of anything without understanding and acknowledging the disadvantages and misuse that can result. In some cases that misuse is serious.

I think most of us do understand that. Having been responsible for many years for issues of on-line safety I also understand that having the knowledge and understanding to use devices and software safely is the best thing that you can do to protect yourself and others. If you don't understand then it is harder to protect yourself and others.
Ban was probably not the correct word to use, but I inferred from your posts that you felt that location finding apps were never a good idea between spouses. If my inference was wrong then I apologise.
I am currently using mine to track my DH so I can be ready for him when he returns from chemotherapy. It seems like a good use of the app to us.

Shelflife

I accept it has its purpose in lots of situations, however tracking adult children - well just weird especially if they don't know!!!! Bizarre.

But they DO know, they control it as well, they can just delete it!

I used it with MrOops when he had to go to hospital, I could tell when he was near the entrance, no need to park, I just pulled up and he hopped in the car.
Well he didn’t actually hop as he’d had a procedure, but YKWIM.

Yes mamie your inference was wrong. I believe these trackers are excellent for parents to use with older children and teenagers, and for adults if they’re happy and/or useful to them, as in the case of your husband returning from hospital treatment.
But we must understand that they can be used in a controlling way and that this is unhealthy and unacceptable.
Like most things in life, there are advantages and disadvantages, and this should be acknowledged and understood.

Excellent app for parents to check on children who maybe walk to and from school on their own etc but as for tracking adult children this seems a bit weird to me and wouldn't dream of doing so myself but so long as adults are aware they are being tracked and agree with it then who cares?