I’m being totally unreasonable!

tickingbird

Your intuition is kicking in - trust it.

Just be polite then avoid is my advice.

I am glad I didn't trust my intuition many years ago. I could so easily have avoided a new acquaintance. She was gushing, obsequious, over the top, at the first meeting with my me and husband. I was immediately cautious.
However, we didn't avoid her, politely accepted invitations to coffee. Slowly we came to know her better and a friendship developed. This person, a single lady, was supportive during my husband's long illness. She was there for me when he died and remains to this day MY BEST FRIEND.

Does she trigger someone from your past who did something bad?

Recently a lady joined a group I’m in . She did nothing wrong and was outgoing and friendly….but ! I couldn’t cope with her at all and I felt very guilty. But lo and behold she’s now driving everyone else mad! I am vindicated 😂 I trust my gut even if it goes against what others think. I was just ahead of the game.

Nannan2

Now none of us will dare comment on here in case we are the 'disliked' one, for no good reason..Should maybe have kept that secret🤔

Why should she have kept it a secret? Why should anyone think it’s them? If it’s me I couldn’t give a hoot. There are posters on GN that I can’t abide so try as much as possible not to engage with them. There will be members that don’t like me. Why worry?

Like your birth relatives, you don't pick your neighbours - and it's perfectly OK to dislike them!

nanasam

I'd actually prefer the idea of a polite but distant neighbour than one who is always turning up on the doorstep wanting to chat over tea.

I am with you on that one nanasam. I will help anyone who is in trouble but draw the line at anyone wanting to drop in for a cuppa.
When we first moved here, a close neighbour came around and asked what sort of coffee and biscuits we had and openly admitted that he based his visits to all the neighbours on that information - we hastily told him that we don't drink coffee and never buy biscuits! He has never spoken to us since.

I'd actually prefer the idea of a polite but distant neighbour than one who is always turning up on the doorstep wanting to chat over tea.

Now none of us will dare comment on here in case we are the 'disliked' one, for no good reason..Should maybe have kept that secret🤔

I agree that if you are polite to her when you meet then that is enough, no need to attempt to become friends. Trust your instincts. I have had similar feelings about several people over the years and have always been proved right.

The only person this is causing upset to is yourself don't let her get under your skin it's great to get on with neighbours but you can certainly live without them

We lay down prejudices throughout our lives and some are completely unconscious. Also as a species we use a lot of body language, softening phrases and eye contact. Some people arent good at those, especially if they are on the Autistic spectrum. We might interpret their lack as being that they dont like us or are being rude, but it is worth understanding the differences and learning to be in communication.

Sidelined some people are just very astute when weighing others up and some people are totally taken in. I don't think it's a deliberate assessment. It's just an awareness of tiny signals that we observe, or are oblivious to, without realising. I seem to be one who 'sees' through the surface instantly, like you. You are not being unreasonable and you're sensible if you avoid this person without being obviously rude.

Many friends have been astonished to find out, after a period of time, that a person they liked and I distrusted immediately, turns out to be a total charlatan! Given time, the mask slips and the real person is revealed! 😂😂😂😂

Trust your instincts, someone once said to me the reason we don't trust someone is because what they are saying is not what is written on their face🫤

I think it’s fine, she’s only a neighbour, you tolerate her and are never rude, far as I’m concerned it’s all good !!

"Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself." Marcus Aurelius

we don't have to be friends with our neighbours.. just be civil and take a deep breath when you see her. Taking control of your breathing will help with your intense feelings of dislike.. they're probably based on a memory of someone else..

So you are getting bad vibes as we used to say. Just keep it polite and avoid as you are. But what I wonder is what would you really like to do - shout at her, kick her, make her go away, what? Confront your feelings and maybe you will be able to control them more. Otherwise could you possibly be extra nice, ask her out for coffee and cake, get to know her a bit better and then maybe you won’t dislike her so much although on the other hand you might dislike her even more!

Stick with your instincts. My elderly neighbour has made my hackles rise since I arrived. I was treated by her telling me they were expecting someone much more prestigious and my yummy mummy car would have to be got rid of because of the weather. She is not local I am.
She drops me in it when every opportunity arrives,open day for someones birthday no it wasn't when I arrived with a present and flowers it was a select few me not included.
When ever there is a gathering she over rides everyone and acts like the Lady of the manor. Which she is called behind her back by a lot.
Just go with your instincts and don't feel guilty I have learned to over the years.

Theexwife

I feel the same about someone on this forum, she seems well liked, I just didn’t trust her, for no real reason and I sneer at all her posts and comments. I do make a point of not commenting on her posts or replying to her comments as I know I am being unreasonable.

Very strange.

My post was to sidelined

Your intuition is kicking in - trust it.

Just be polite then avoid is my advice.

This thread really got me thinking. I know two people, both men, who I instinctively dislike. It's not just me though. Both of them quite independently are very unpopular. DH and I have often tried to put our finger on why nobody likes them but simply can't find a common denominator. Both have very nice partners who everyone likes and feels sorry for. I know this sounds like a series of sweeping generalisations but they are true. One goes from temp job to temp job but is never kept on. Unsurprisingly, he now has quite a defensive manner. It must be so hard going through life knowing/feeling that people don't take to you. We all keep up socially as the partners are really lovely but groan inwardly if we have to sit next to either of the people in question. They don't know each other I should say. One lives in England.

Is it that on some sub conscious level she reminds you of somebody who you do know and have or have had good cause to distrust? Years ago I met a client and disliked her for no good reason from the off. I knew this was unfair, but I couldn't shake the feeling, and when I examined my reaction in more depth, I realised that in fact she reminded me of my late mother in law who I loathed! It was the accent, both had a distinctive regional accent and hearing her set my hackles up. It was not her fault poor lady so I tried extra hard with her to compensate!

I don’t think you need to feel bad. As you say you aren’t nasty to her. Sometimes we can gel with people easily and sometimes , for no particular reason we don’t.
If you feel bad , I should feel worse. I have a family member I have known for nearly 50 years. She has never done anything bad towards me and I would never let her know but I never feel comfortable with her and there is just some something about her that seems to grate on me.

She does sound quite irritating Sidelined trust your instinct.