Iris Apfel is a model for us. She is now 101 and does not let age come between her and living life in her own way, including her OTT cothes.
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Are we (or most of us) guilty of age bias?
(59 Posts)The following is an article from The Washington Post. Rather long but interesting I think.
"Age bias doesn’t show up only as blatant discrimination (“We want someone younger for that job.”) or snarky birthday cards. One of the most potent sources of ageism comes from older people themselves, and like other forms of ageism, the self-inflicted kind is associated with lower levels of emotional and physical health and can slash years off people’s lives.
People, however, can shift these negative feelings to improve their well-being. When older people are reminded of the many positive things about aging, they can experience immediate benefits such as becoming stronger and having more will to live, said Becca Levy, a professor of epidemiology and psychology at the Yale School of Public Health who is a leading expert on the health effects of ageism.
“Age beliefs are not set in stone,” said Levy, author of “Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long & Well You Live.” “They’re malleable. That’s a really key piece.”
What is internalized ageism?
Internalized ageism is the negative voice in a person’s head that may push them to take extreme measures to look younger (Madonna’s radical facelift) or tell themselves they’re having a “senior moment” every time they forget a name.
hese attitudes are nearly universal: Over 80 percent of people between ages 50 and 80 subscribe to ageist stereotypes, according to a study led by Julie Ober Allen, assistant professor of health and exercise science at the University of Oklahoma.
The irony is that in reality, the vast majority of older people feel in good health and are satisfied with their lives. But you’d never know that from how older people are portrayed in advertising and entertainment — forgetful, cranky and frail.
It may seem counterintuitive to hold a prejudice against yourself, but internalized ageism takes hold in a sneaky way. It begins in childhood, with fairy tales about evil witches, and deepens over time thanks to negative messages we absorb from the media and society, experts on aging say. Then at some point, when we notice our hair graying or younger people start offering up their seats on the bus, the toxic age beliefs that we casually assimilated while they seemed to be about other people suddenly turn personal.
“The extent of older persons actually believing themselves to be inferior from others because of their age is staggering,” said Marvin Formosa, associate professor of gerontology at the University of Malta.
People deny their age, even to themselves, he said, and the fast-growing anti-aging industry caters to those impulses. Americans spent $5.4 billion in 2022 on anti-aging skin products, according to market research from Euromonitor International.
Age bias doesn’t just sell anti-wrinkle creams. It affects how people think, feel and act.
In her research, Levy exposes older people subliminally to charged words about aging — positive stereotypes such as wise and accomplished, or negative ones such as senile and dependent — while they are playing a computer game. Before and after the game, her team asks participants to complete tasks such as reproducing from memory a dot pattern they’d previously viewed, talking about a stressful event, walking a short distance and balancing.
When people unconsciously absorbed uplifting words about aging, they showed improvements in memory, their blood pressure and heart rate were reduced while recounting a stressful event, and they walked faster and had better balance. Conversely, after unconsciously absorbing age negativity, participants had worse recall and a heightened stress response.
Levy has also tracked people over time and found that older people with more positive age beliefs were much less likely to develop dementia, even when they carried an Alzheimer’s gene.
In another study, she found that people who had internalized more positive age beliefs lived, on average, 7.5 years longer. Research by other teams has confirmed her findings.
Levy’s hypothesis, based on her research, is that internalized ageism worsens health through three mechanisms.
When you think decline is inevitable, you’re less motivated to take your medicine, eat well and exercise.
Feeling bad about getting old can lower self-confidence, which can make people withdraw (one recent study, for example, found that internalized ageism made people want to retire early).
Negative emotions about aging can raise people’s biological stress levels, putting them at risk for heart disease and stroke.
Changing habits is also key to Levy’s three-part strategy to reduce internalized ageism.
Recognize ageism. “If we’re not aware of some of that messaging, then it’s hard to resist it and question it and not take it in,” Levy said.
Shift the blame from age to ageism. A doctor told Janine Vanderburg, of North Fork Valley, Colo., that her knee hurt because she was getting older. Vanderburg, 70, thought, “Then why does my other knee feel fine? It’s the same age.” She insisted on an MRI; “I had to push for that.”
Challenge anti-aging messages in advertising, politics, everyday conversations — and your own thoughts.
People who have a purpose and feel confident they can achieve their goals may be less susceptible to internalized ageism, said Andrew Steward, assistant professor of social work at the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee.
He and a colleague tested whether exercise, volunteering and computer use reduced people’s negative age beliefs, and found that older people who participate in these activities had more positive self-perceptions about aging. “If we engage in a healthy lifestyle in these variety of ways, that can mitigate the negative impacts of internalized ageism,” he says.
Internalized ageism is so normalized it can be hard to spot. It even comes in the form of compliments such as, “You haven’t changed a bit” or “You don’t look your age.” Last year, Aalda created an Instagram project — Say Your Age! — for women to “out” themselves as the age they are, and in June, ageism activist and fashion entrepreneur Jacynth Bassett’s social media campaign, #ILookMyAge, went viral.
Thousands of people, mostly women, have posted exuberant photos and videos of themselves, and content related to the hashtag has gotten more than 27 million views.
“When people say you don’t look your age, well actually, you’re basing that on your internalized ageist attitude of what it means to look a certain age,” Bassett said. “You have this box.”
CatsCatsCats your card is a representation I think of Iris Apfel, a New Yorker, born in 1921, who was involved in fashion, textiles and interior design. Her dress sense is way out - but she is a bit of a style icon. Not to everyone's taste of course. She is to me but I am too large to dress as she does, even if I had the money. Then I was reminded of Bubbles Rothermere, a rather large lady who used to wear Zandra Rhodes evening gowns and they were pretty amazing too. But alas, also too expensive.
Is this being guilty of age bias?
If so, so be it - I found it to be both apt and funny.
MOnica, many apologies. My remarks were certainly not directly aimed at you or the thread. Just an observation that some of the people I meet seem to be competing to be the smartest fittest best dressed etc.
And of course there is a whole industry built on our desire to stay young.
These days I am glad I can move around without too much discomfort and can still see.
Yes as my mother used to say "count your blessings"
Again apologies.
fancythat That is not an uncommon dilemma. For decades many of our decisions were governed by wanting stay within reasonable reach of our parents as they aged and might need us. Our children were young and we were much younger and travelling distances between the younger generations wasn't a problem.
But now we are the older generation, and have already seen our children face the problems of long journeys to us at short notice when DH had a major health crisis. Work and family commitments mean they cannot move to be near us, but would be happier if we lived closer to them, but at the same time we do not want to move too far north because most of our more extended family and friends are in the south east, so one of our requirements for our new location will be being close to a mainline station to London.
Thes econflicting problems are with all of us, this is why it is worth thinking ahead and sketching out ideas, even if things never quite turn out as you meant them.
For many year I have been fascinated by the history of the Regency period and the Napleoinc wars. Our great military commander, the Duke of Wellington, having made some plans was asked what would hapen if something came up to disrupt them. His response was that his plans were made of rope, if they broke, he tied a knot and went on. I have found that response very useful when, as always, things do not always go ahead as planned.
Thank you all for the lovely comments!
DH and I have a lot of "what ifs".
I am starting to realise there are too many possible what ifs, to be able to plan with any certainty.
I have a friend and her DH who I think are making the next right step for them. But we realised together that her situation and mine are not the same. They do not sadly have any parents left. So the future is about themselves.
DH and I have 3 elderly parents. All of whom at the moment are in relatively good health.
To my mind, we cannot effectively abandon them, and get on with things all about ourselves.
fancythat People can ignore me. I am not helping this thread.
Of curse you are. Every response every query drives the thread forward and makes people stop for a moment to think - and agree or disagree.
Personally, I do not think that old age is really that different from any other age, one always has to look ahead for possible problems and think through lightly possible Plan Bs.
For us it goes right back to when we were first married and planning a family. We had a couple of 'what if' discussions as to what we would do if we couldn't have children. Would we adopt? Stay childless? DH did a lot of international travel to quite remote places, we 'what iffed' if anything happened to him - and made wills.
Recently following minor health problems, we have revisited our plans to downsize locally where we have lived for some time. Our children do not have an easy journey to us, so after talking to them, we are considering downsizing somewhere closer to them. Currently everything is working fine, we are both healthy and independent, but we are just thinking and planning ahead, so that if and when we do need to move, we know what we will do.
Very good Callistemon!
fancythat
I need to have further thoughts about it all.
I realise I havent got it all quite right yet.
I feel a bit thrown.
People can ignore me. I am not helping this thread.
I think we have to plan.
It keeps us cheerful and optimistic.
But always be prepared to be disappointed. And take out insurance.
Fancythat
I realise I haven't got it all quiet right yet
Show me someone who has.
Some get close.
Some are a mile behind.
Most of us are somewhere in the middle.
I think for your own sake you should stop thinking so much and just enjoy the moment.
I need to have further thoughts about it all.
I realise I havent got it all quite right yet.
I feel a bit thrown.
People can ignore me. I am not helping this thread.
fancythat:
'But how to plan if we dont know if we are going to be quite ill in 5 years, or go past 90 being relatively ok?'
We have to plan for the second scenario - or we just limit ourselves. Should things change, we adjust our plans.
A relative, thought of as serious and sensible, 'planned' herself into a boring little rut by the time she was fifty, thinking so many things might be risky or inappropriate for her.
Dinahmo Precisely, few of us falls in situations where falls are a known hazard and precautions can be taken. It is the unexpected that is the problem.
I have dyspraxia, lack of fine motor control an occasional dodgy ankle. Falls happen to me more often than to most . I went base over apex in the Waitrose car park a month or two ago, I was walking down a steep camber and my ankle went. Fortunately, many years ago, I taught myself to roll into falls and so far have managed to avoid any breakages, although I did crack some vertebrae some years ago when my feet went from under me on a grassy slope and I landed with an almighty crash on my back.
loopyloo I do not think there is anything in this thread that is competitive. How we age is formed by so much beyond our control; our genetic inheritance, our chosen life style and, yes, our income, but that is more in early life than in old age.
Gym membership is not essential to ageing well. Walking is free and there are exercise routines of all kinds online and you can devise them for yourself. For tooth care, the most important thing is one's own mouth hygiene practices and an eating pattern that does not involve constantly marinading your teeth in sugar. No constant snacking on biscuits, sweets etc, which, for many, would save money.
As for face lifts! How many people actually have them? I know no one who has even considered such a thing, nor do I know anyone who has suddenly started looking younger. The demographic of those that have facelifts is very limited and definitely a very small subset, even of older women who can afford it.
My OH and I are roughly of an age with Biden and Trump.
We are probably physically and mentally about averagely fit for our age,
I think it is absolutely absurd, and quite frightening that either one of these old men could become the President of the USA, and therefore the most powerful leader in the world, from 2024 till 2028..
M0nica I haven't suggested that anyone stops doing anything. I was pointing that as we age our bones get more brittle and are more likely to break badly than they did when we were younger. I don't think that my attitude is aging at all.
Yo might have all the safety equipment in the world and I hope that you don't break any limbs but not everybody is as HSE conscious as you are.
My client didn't fall off a ladder, she tripped on a pavement. It's very annoying for here because she was preparing for an exhibition which has now been cancelled.
Strangely enough an hour or so ago a French friend called to apologise for not meeting us at the local bar yesterday. His wife had fallen outside. She didn't fall off a ladder or down some steps. I guess she may have tripped. She has a broken ankle and must rest for 21 days. She is rather angry right now.
Hetty58
M0nica, and all those little chats about minor medical problems bore me rigid too. Maybe I'm being 'ageist' but it seems to be the main (or only) topic for some people. Why do they think I'll find the workings and faults of their bodies fascinating? I'm just saying 'Good morning' not after an update!
Quite agree. My mother went into town regularly in her last years and enjoyed chatting if she sat down. She was up and away as soon as someone started on their ailments!
She considered it very ‘common’ to go on at length about ones health 😁
.
Yes then again,we get into the concept of competitive ageing.
This I think can be very unfair and unpleasant.
And it is easier for people who are well off to be able to age well. They can afford the gym memberships and the dental fees and face lifts.
Also people's health varies and how you feel depends on that.
I do feel we should be allowed to age as we can manage and if we want to spend more time reading and watching TV because that's how we are comfortable so be it.
Dinahmo You may say that, but if you fall off a ladder any break is going to take longer to heal.
This is the attitude that is so aging. Keep cutting back what you do because there is a slightly increased risk that if you get injured it will take longer to heal. That way once you reach any age, choose your cut off point, the best thing to do is just sit in a chair and do nothing - which is very also bad for you physically and mentally.
If I am fit and well, what are the probabilities of my falling off the ladder climbing up and own the scaffolding compared with anyone younger? The scaffolding is designed and installed by professionals and meets all modern standards and the platform is wide with railings and kickboards and I was wearing suitable footwear. I went 8ft up and down a straight ladder, hands securely on both side bars of the ladder and watching where I was placing each foot. about seven or eight times over two days.
One can never say that an accident will never happen, but under the circumstances, the probability of an accident was extremely low. Given our old house has twisty narrow staircases, the probability of me falling down them is far higher, than the probability of my falling off the ladder or scaffolding. But in nearly 30 years neither I, or anyone else has fallen down the stairs, because, again, I am safety conscious and have rules about what people do or do not wear on their feet in the house.
It is the basic principle of HSE (I know, I have done the course), not to stop people doing something that could be dangerous, but to first try to reduce the risk to an acceptable level.
What is important is not the severity of the possible injury, but the probability of it happening, and, in my case, that was low because all the safety rules were being obeyed and accidents usually occur when people break the rules, that is why they are there.
Taichinan
Thank you for that.
Your nae reminded of a time when a friend visited who used to practice Taichi in our back garden. We had a Westie who the first time she saw his strange moves barked her off at him. She did bark at everything out of the ordinary from a hot hair balloon doing a burn above the garden to a workman carrying a ladder which she attacked.
I came across this just a few minutes ago. It's a screenshot I did years ago because it reflected my own thoughts.
I also remember when I started instructing tai chi at the age of 67 that I felt it sad that I had discovered something I loved doing so much so late in life. Oh well, I thought to myself, at least I'll get a couple of years in before I'll have to give up. Well, 14 years later and I'm still instructing with no thought of giving up! So don't bother planning or second-guessing what's ahead - just live for today with gratitude.
I would be hesitant to apply any American research to attitudes in Europe as the mindsets of Americans and Europeans are so totally different.
Where I live (Denmark) my age-group, 70 + and above do not habitually deride ourselves because we are elderly or old, but I have noticed that the few British friends I still have (far too few to base a valid estimation on) are more likely to say that old age has nothing to recommend it than we are here.
Yes, we are slower if asked to perform manual tasks than we were formerly, on the other hand we did not break out into a cold sweat and start hamstering food when Russia invaded Ukraine as the 20 and 30 year olds did. We thought back to the Prague Spring and other events that have taken place in our lifetimes and kept our heads.
Most of us, if young people insinuate that we are technaphobes, put them right very quickly, as most of us are quite happy using computers, digital post, smartphones etc. etc.
Many of us are just as careful and caring about the environment as our children and grandchildren are, so ageism is not really a concept in the Scandinavian countries. As far as I know we don't even have words for it in our languages, not do we use the English word, and I have not heard it discussed in German either.
Others may know that it does exist here, let me know if that is the case.
fancythat Definitely do not think 60 to 90. Maybe 60 to 65 and then 65 to 70? Or perhaps think just a few months ahead.
In his youth my DH used to be a photographer. He's always taken pictures when we go on holiday and when we return he prints and laminates the photos and we now have 20 black binders full. Only one is happy snaps which includes pictures of houses and gardens being renovated or built plus all our pets. There are very few of us but it's nice to look back and think that we didn't look to bad back then. If I end up in a home I will take them all with me.
It's good to have something good to look forward to (or look back upon)
Thank you for your thoughtful reply.
I will take it all onboard.
After I wrote the post, I did have a further think.
I think part of my problem is/has been, is that thinking about the next possible 30 years is a bit bigger timespan than I initially thought!
I didnt plan from age 30 to 60 pricisely, so why am I trying to do 60 to 90?
I dont think I am talking myself into feeling old. But I am getting close to doing so.
Not helping the cause am I? If I do it to myself, I can hardly blame others for doing so.
Sorry about your parents. That is hard.
nanna8
I agree with all M0nica says. I still climb up to fix things even though it is ‘dangerous’ at ‘my age’. I know when I can do things and I’m not stupid. It is also ‘dangerous’ for 10 year olds come to that. I’m really good on the computer but so I should be, they were a part of my working life and so what ? Why are people surprised?
You may say that, but if you fall off a ladder any break is going to take longer to heal. My DH doesn't do anything with power tools or climb ladders if I'm not around.
One of my clients, a potter in her mid to late 60s tripped over in the street and smashed her right elbow. It's going to be a few months before she can use her arm properly.
fancythat
I am still pondering lots of this thread.
I had been debating starting a thread myself about all this.
I am early 60s and I find myself confused.
I havent started the thread as the consensus seemed to be, be grateful for what you have.
But I have not found that has totally sorted me out.
I like to plan. But how to plan if we dont know if we are going to be quite ill in 5 years, or go past 90 being relatively ok?
There is the phrase, live every day as if it is your last.
But we can hardly party every day, or spend everything today.
But nor to my mind, can I think of age as just a number.
The theme of this thread is not to talk yourself into feeling old, rather than worry or get cross about how people respond to you.
Of course you can plan. When I was in my early twenties I aimed to leave London by the time I was 40. When we lived in Suffolk )made it 2 months before my 40th) I aimed to live in France by the time I was 60. Finally moved over when I was 62.
I've never seen the point of saving for expensive holidays to the detriment of other activities so my New Year's resolution (aged 39) was to go out - theatre, ballet, concerts, cinema - once a week. It was the only resolution that I stuck to although we haven't achieved it since we've been here. In fact I've given up.
I used to have 7 year plans which were normally achieved - I can't remember anything specific now. Both my parents became terminally in their 50s and this made me try to enjoy myself throughout the year. It's one reason why we are poorly provisioned with pensions. They had spent their lives providing for us whereas I wanted to enjoy some of life's gifts. And I don't mean expensive cars or jewellery or expensive antiques.
I don't think that at your age you should be worried about ill health in the future. Obviously you should make some provision but you can still make plans for an enjoyable future.
After my MIL died my FIL said he wishes they'd done more things - holidays perhaps.
What you you like to do?
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