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Hen/Stag dos

(88 Posts)
annsixty Sat 16-Sep-23 20:58:09

This is really about hen dos as I don’t know much about Stags.
Did you have a Hen night or more?
I married in 1958 long before such things existed.
Over the years I have heard heard of the weird and the wonderful.
My GD’s friend is away this weekend inDublin for a Hen night for her cousin.
It is about a dozen close family, they flew out early Friday and will be back Sunday night.
The do for her friends and work colleagues is in a couple of weeks in Barcelona.
How much do theses things cost?
I assume all the people involved will be at the wedding with the huge associated costs.
Have things gone too far or do you agree that this is a one off and hang the cost.
My D was married 33 years ago, she and her friends went for a meal in an Italian restaurant in Manchester where she worked .
I wasn’t invited but sent money for several bottles of wine for the party.
Am I so totally out of touch and is this extravagance totally normal?

M0nica Tue 19-Sep-23 22:24:38

I have a broad rule of thumb. The more that is spent on the wedding (that includes hen/stag dos) the shorter the marriage.

Looking back to all the weddings I have been to, the ones that have been home made, or done on a shoe string or just unmaterialistic have resulted in the marriages that are all still in existence and clearly working well.

Dickens Wed 20-Sep-23 01:39:25


My hairdresser tells me about the Hen & Stag do's her and her partner get invited to plus the wedding. They are not having much of a holiday this year with their little girl, due 2 weddings and all the extras involved. I think it has put them off getting married. My Hen do was a night out with friends at Cinderella Rockerfella's night club in Leeds, back in 1972 when Pete Stringellow was the DJ.

They are not having much of a holiday this year with their little girl, due 2 weddings and all the extras involved.

If these events are costing so much that your hairdresser and her partner can't afford a family holiday, I think they need to examine their priorities.

I could never put my friends in that position, I think it's completely selfish and self-centred to expect your friends to be out of pocket, and possibly eat into their holiday entitlement if they are working.

What with hen/stag dos, weddings, baby-showers, gender-reveal parties...

TerriBull Sat 14-Oct-23 14:06:14

Going back to this slightly old thread, apropos of reading an AIBU over on MN regarding a "friend's dream wedding" the poster confessed to stumping up to join in three Hen dos (one isn't enough? it seems) one in Tenerife, one at home and a further UK trip, bottomless brunches, dress try ons with more lunches. The hotel for the wedding, stay overnight £450 plus every other expense to go to the do itself, outfit,shoes, bag, make up, drinks the poster reckons all of that took her over a few thousand pounds! that alone left me with a "what the.........." whatever expletive comes to mind! The killer blow, the marriage lasted TWO WEEKS. The poster is now very annoyed with her friend, having spent all this money, particularly as she, the friend, is allegedly completely blase about the whole thing. On reading through some of the comments many were "well more fool you stumping up all that money at the behest of someone else" My thoughts exactly! Excessive doesn't even begin to describe such ridiculous expectations, nothing to do with a commitment and a life together whatsoever.

keepcalmandcavachon Sat 14-Oct-23 15:42:28

Looking back to all the weddings I have been to, the ones that have been home made, or done on a shoe string or just unmaterialistic have resulted in the marriages that are all still in existence and clearly working well.

Yes, I feel that is what I have seen too, some people want to be married and others want a wedding day!

NotSpaghetti Sat 14-Oct-23 16:29:39

Whilst I agree that some think it's all about the wedding and others that it's all about the marriage there are obviously some who feel that whilst it's all about the marriage they want to have the as perfect as possible wedding too.... with or without a hen/stag do.

I know my daughters both thought that.. and probably my daughters-in-law too.
Maybe I've been lucky here.
They have spent what they could afford.

Oldbat1 Sat 14-Oct-23 19:06:51

Totally ott! Expensive hen/stag do (often abroad) followed by a wedding abroad followed by a wedding celebration party back home. Dd was bridesmaid at her best friends “dos” which financially alone was ott.

NotSpaghetti Sun 15-Oct-23 07:37:00

The wedding "abroad" is inevitable if you marry someone from overseas. At least half the family is going to be travelling somewhere.

Ladyleftfieldlover Sun 15-Oct-23 07:52:12

My niece’s wedding last month was in France. Her now husband is French (although he has Australian citizenship now) and they wanted to marry on his parent’s estate in France. Around half the family attended. Some from Australia and some from UK. They are having another celebration back in Sydney next month for those who couldn’t go to France. My niece had a hen do in Sydney. A variety of activities were held over one day - drawing class, dinner, karaoke.

FindingNemo15 Sun 15-Oct-23 08:19:56

Totally OTT and don't start me off on baby showers!!

NotSpaghetti Sun 15-Oct-23 09:05:11

baby showers!! 🥺😱😬😮🤣

Witzend Sun 15-Oct-23 09:22:41


Why are women's bridal parties called hen parties and men's called stag parties?

Stags - magnificent, haughty, in charge

Hens, clucking busily around the farmyard then being hustled along by the cockerel!

Time the name was changed 😁

Cock parties, then? 🙂

Ali08 Mon 16-Oct-23 05:51:54


Friend’s daughter had a hen do in Switzerland earlier this year, will be having another one next year in Barcelona 2 months before the wedding which is in Italy. She’s thinking she might have one here as well for those that can’t get to Barcelona! I know you can say no but if you are a bridesmaid you are expected to go and also contribute to the hen’s costs. Then there are the t-shirts or other outfits for the obligatory ‘theme’ and the bits and pieces for the games, the bottomless brunch etc. Not sure if it’s a privilege to be invited or not. Think it can cause a lot of resentment. Just have a look over on MN.

To heck with that! If these brides want all this then THEY should be expected to pay for them!!
When I was chief bridesmaid in around 1984, the bride chose what she wanted dress-wise etc and her mother made them!
There was no big hen do, but I was given a lovely St. Christopher necklace as a thank you for being there and being her chief bridesmaid - I've never seen another like it, either!
My DS & DDiL are going to a wedding abroad next year, and have taken out a loan for it! Why don't the couples-to-be just marry at home THEN go abroad for their honeymoons, instead of expecting their friends and families to get into debt for them?!
Then, of course, we get the bridezillas these days, who demand everything to be their way at their prices regardless of who pays, as long as it isn't themselves, of course!
I do love to read about these, but I'd not last 5 minutes before telling them where to put their demands!!