Gransnet forums


Christening invitation.

(27 Posts)
Oortne Sun 17-Sep-23 06:40:42

So Dh got a txt from eldest grandson inviting him/us to the christening of his two children Dh's great grand children. Invitation accepted , means an overnight stay in a hotel but it's nice to get away. Trouble is our DD and her two boys don't seem to be invited. Does this happen in step families? I will go of course, but can't help feeling hurt.

Calendargirl Sun 17-Sep-23 07:12:53

Perhaps they’re keeping it small, and just immediate family?

Try not to feel hurt, difficult I know.

DH and I were not invited to my sister’s daughter’s wedding, it was a very small affair, but we would have been the only ones on her side of the family.

Said sister had been very put out when her own adult children only received an evening invite to our son’s wedding, although she and her DH were among the small number at the main event.

Short memories.

M0nica Sun 17-Sep-23 08:26:30

It happens in all families, and offence is not intended.

Our DGS is being confirmed this weekend. His other grandmother will be there and we will not.

The reason is quite simple the confirmation is a low key ceremony, just 2 confirmees, during the ordinary Sunday service. The other grandma lives close by and often goes to church with the family, we live 200 miles away, its a long journey and once we go, the essentially private religious ceremony starts getting ramped up into a big event.

of course we would like t have been there, but we have accepted how the family feel. it doesn't mean we ar being snubbed, less loved or anything else. just that they want to treat this event as primarily a religious moment.

I expect the OP's step grandson wants a quiet family event and not asking his father's step-sister seems not unreasonable, it is quite a distant relationship.

timetogo2016 Sun 17-Sep-23 10:18:13

You can`t invite everyone you know,don`t take offence.

Grammaretto Sun 17-Sep-23 12:57:03

It is a shame as it should be about the baby and the service. These events are like weddings. People count the cost of the tea afterwards and have to restrict numbers. I hope DD isn't too bothered.

Oortne Sun 17-Sep-23 13:02:58

Thanks everyone. I will be economical with the truth and say it's just grand parents that are invited. DD will be none the wiser and won't feel snubbed by her only nephew.

Shelflife Sun 17-Sep-23 13:18:02

Please don't feel let down by their decision. It is difficult organizing an event and a christening is an important event! I know you will go and enjoy the occasion.

biglouis Sun 17-Sep-23 13:25:43

Ive only ever been to one christening and did not enjoy it.

I was friends with two couples. Lawna and Bill (not their real names) had their first child and Avril and Dave were invited as Avril was godmother. Lawna and Bill also invited me even though they knew I was childfree. I was going to just sent a gift with Avril and politely decline but she persuaded me to go with them as they had a car. I stayed near the edges of the group at the ceremony with about 20 people present and no idea of who were the grandparents etc.

We all went back to a new build house and were jammed in like sardines. The poor baby was being passed about like a parcel at a kids party. All the women making cooing noises and cuddling, etc. When she (baby) was forced upon me I quickly passed her to the woman seated next to me. The woman who passed her then demanded to know why I "did not want cuddles" with the poor little mite. I had the excuse that I had just recovered from a cold and was worried about infecting the newborn. I caught Avril's eye and she and Dave decided it was time for us three to leave.

A few days later it got back to me that this loud mouthed woman - who was not a relative but a friend of the in laws - had been slagging me off behind my back as someone who hates babies.

I dont hate babies but I have no interest in them or wish to hold or cuddle them. I would rather hold a doll as at least dolls dont crap and cry.

I did phone up Lawna and repeat the excuse about having had a cold and not wishing to risk infecting a tiny baby. She understood and we remained friends.

I have never been to another christening, not even in my own family. I just decline politely and send a gift voucher.

Calendargirl Sun 17-Sep-23 13:29:34

Good to hear that the children are being christened.

Many of my friends who have become GP’s in recent years never mention that the GC are being christened.

Obviously not the usual thing to do nowadays for many families. Years ago most babies were christened, even if the family were not regular churchgoers.

welbeck Sun 17-Sep-23 15:45:33

i went to one baptism where the godmother was the candidate's own daughter.
if you see what i mean.
it was quite nice, during a regular service, at a united reformed church.
the candidate, who invited me, had not been baptised as an infant, but she had her own babies baptised.
25 years later, and many difficult events, she decided to try to follow a christian life and practice, and started going to church.
she asked the minister about baptism and if her daughter could be her godmother.
that was readily agreed, as the daughter was herself baptised.

dragonfly46 Sun 17-Sep-23 17:56:06

My DH and I were the only ones at our DD’s christening. I was not a church goer but was friendly with the vicar. It was just the 4 of us and was beautiful.

leeds22 Mon 18-Sep-23 12:26:55

It sounds as though they just want a quiet event. We weren't invited to our GCs christenings, which took place during a family Caribbean holiday, I think other GPs were there. As son has been an ardent atheist since he was about 10, the event came as a bit of a shock but we weren't bothered. Other GCs haven't been christened (as far as we know!).

nipsmum Mon 18-Sep-23 12:58:21

Why does everything become a big deal. Things are so expensive now most people can't afford celebrations with everyone they would like to attend. We all need to accept that everyone they would like to invite just can't be done. We all need to accept we can't be invited to everything.

Grandma70s Mon 18-Sep-23 13:12:36

I’ve never been to a christening. We don’t do them in our family, as nobody is religious. The same goes for my friends

Granmarderby10 Mon 18-Sep-23 13:13:26

Some C of E churches will not christen children unless their parents attend church regularly even if they were married there!
Money to be made from church weddings
Catholic Churches from my recollection and experience are only too happy for the child to be christened and the sooner the better because it is considered to be the child’s right in the eyes of God.

The Catholic Church is not so keen on weddings where one of the couple aren’t Catholic and where both don’t go to church though.
Funny isn’t it🤔

pascal30 Mon 18-Sep-23 13:14:25

It's probably an expense your daughter could do without anyway!!

Salti Mon 18-Sep-23 13:54:02

In my family christenings have always been very small events; generally the baby, their siblings and parents, the godparents and their spouses/partners. No aunts or uncles, unless they are god parents, no grandparents. I've always considered this normal.

biglouis Mon 18-Sep-23 14:00:01

We dont do them in our family as none of us are churchgoers. Thats why I was so surprised that the couple I mentioned upthread invited me to the christening of their first child. They knew I was non religious and childfree. All other such invitations (including church weddings, baby showers, etc) I have since politely declined

cc Mon 18-Sep-23 14:27:46

When my granddaughters were christened the service was shared with quite a few other children. The number of guests you could take to the church was strictly limited to close relatives and godparents.

Ali08 Mon 18-Sep-23 15:18:28

I have 6 grandchildren. Only one has not been christened.
The others were because of family pressure from the other side, except the last one and the parents decided as the siblings had been christened then this one should be, too.
Fortunately, all went well.
But the babies were not passed around like pass-the-parcel, thankfully. And no-one was berated for not wanting to cuddle/hold any of them, unlike poor, dear biglouis - karma will get that awful woman!!

Dinahmo Mon 18-Sep-23 15:34:44

My DH, aged 76, was not christened because his father disagreed with "churching" and that children were born in sin. (Psalm 51:5)

I was asked to be a godparent to my niece, now aged 42 and I refused because I could not bring myself to say the required words.

I was brought up in the C of E and we went to Church every Sunday and also Christmas but lost my faith many years ago, for a variety of reasons. On the odd occasion when I've been to a church wedding I've been surprised at the number of people who obviously weren't used to go to church. Thinking about it now, it could be that like me they were not actually reading the words or singing the hymns.

icanhandthemback Mon 18-Sep-23 16:17:01

My children weren't invited to my stepson's and step DIL's christening of their child. It was just accepted by my children who aren't church goers and didn't want to travel that far. It is only offensive if you are determined to take offence!

Sarahr Mon 18-Sep-23 16:23:01

Might be a numbers thing. Brings back sad memories of my 1st DD'S Christening. We decided to only invite our own Godparents, baby's Godparents, grandparents, our own siblings. Morning of Christening I was told none of in-laws coming as I hadn't invited the wider in-law family. It was a joint decision about numbers as Christening on the tug in harbour so small space.
Fortunately, I had a very good friend who rallied the friends group to make up the numbers.
Reason wider family weren't invited? Between us we had 70+ Aunts, uncles, cousins.
My wider family sent gifts, cards and good wishes, despite not being invited. Nothing at all from in-law side.
You'll be pleased to know that, although it took me a lot of years, I finally got myself out of the abusive marriage and have remarried a wonderful, caring man and am now very happy.

M0nica Mon 18-Sep-23 17:08:19

Salti I agree with you, all significant religious ceremonies, (other than weddings) in our family, whether christenings, confirmations (as mentioned above) or any others were always seen as small events involving only immediate family and sponsors,

Saggi Mon 18-Sep-23 17:18:57

I’m not invited to anything by family members that involves a church or their gods!….. I’m an atheist …they know it….I’m invited to everything else …anniversaries…birthdays…barbecues!