God makes work for idle hands.

I've never heard of that expression being framed as "God makes.." - but always as "The Devil makes work for idle hands". Which seems to me to be a great deal more logical. Anyway - perhaps you can use the fact that your mother always got this the wrong way round to help rid yourself of these bad memories and start putting your feet up as and when you wish.

I was just like that Sago, sadly my husband didn’t live long enough to retire, we had such plans. When the time comes I dare say you will have lots of lovely plans to do things together.

Bodach sorry you’re quite right!
I got it wrong! The devil makes work for idle hands!

So sorry to hear of your traumatic childhood. You definitely need to shed those feelings because it will do you no good to hang onto them. First, does your husband know about your childhood, specifically the things you mention? If not then maybe you need to tell him about it and how it makes you feel. Either way, you need to have a conversation so he knows where the land lies. That means when he sees you lounging around relaxing you BOTH know what is going on, which is that you are dealing with PTSD from your childhood. Once you've had a clear conversation about this there should be no need to keep explaining what you're doing because he will know that this lounging around is your therapy time. That's how I see it anyway. Hope your husband is an understanding person so you can make him understand.

It is not ridiculous Sago it is perfectly understandable that even after all this time your childhood experiences continue to affect you .

I hope that if you haven't already done so, that you are able to talk to your husband about this but for a different reason from Chestnut's. When he comes in and he sees you busily doing whatever it is you've found to do, think what a difference it would make if he suggested that you put your feet up for a bit, and maybe offered to make you a cup of tea.

You need to know that it is of course OK for you not to be busy all the time and I think you need that to come from your husband.

All I can say is the devil must have had his work cut out with me over the years ...
#lazygran

Sago
Start by putting a post it note by your side when your sitting alone relaxing. Put whatever you want on it. Keep referring to it as your sitting there. It will remind you not to move when husband comes home.
Hide the post it if you want to 😉 You will start to train your brain not to get up.

Sago I'm sorry to hear about your difficult childhood. I do remember life being like that though, with Sunday devoted to religion and nothing else allowed. Girls and women were encouraged always to keep busy. Knitting, sewing etc when sitting down in the evening. I am still a bit like that and feel guilty if I sit down to read or watch TV during the day. My husband encourages me to rest and relax but I still feel guilty.

I believe women are born feeling guilty. Or is it that we are more willing to admit it?

Nature or nurture Greta ?

I always thought it was, 'Satan finds mischief for idle hands?'. In other words idleness can lead to getting into trouble particularly for children? Reading these posts makes.me realise what a happy relaxed home I enjoyed as a child. Yes my grandmother and I went to high mass every Sunday, and I went to Sunday school, but Sunday, apart from roast dinner, was.a day like any other. We walked, went swimming, boating, played tennis, whatever! I was an only child so maybe that made it easier, but my parents were loving, liberal, encouraging, in other words they were brilliant and I loved, and now miss them enormously.

Sago I'm sorry you had such a difficult time as a child.

Re your quandary, I was a bit like that at first until I embraced the free time I now had and no longer "looked busy" when my husband arrived home from work. I declare "Today is my day off" at the start of a day which means I own sitting in front of the telly in the afternoon, usually knitting and watching a film. Give yourself permission!

Since my husband also retired, I find we take turns at these "days off".

It takes a while to settle into change.

Good luck.

Sorry that you had such a traumatic childhood, Sago. I hope you manage to relax and enjoy your retirement, and the years leading up to it, without feeling guilty, but you will need to train yourself. 💐

My father was the same. If he saw me reading or doing my homework he would tell me to "get in the kitchen and help your mother." Our kitchen was a tiny lean-to and hardly big enough for two people. Thats probably why I grew up hating and despising housework or anything to do with "the kitchen".

When I was taking GCE I did all my homework and revision in the local library or in a friend's house. Same when I still lived at home and was doing my professional exams.

My grandmother also used the phrase about the devil and idle hands. The rule was that I always had to bring something with me when I came to see her (sewing, crochet or knitting etc) or she would soon find something for me to do. My gran loved chatting but always had a piece of work in her hands. However I loved doing anything craft oriented and I learned patchwork, embroidery and crochet from my grandmother.

When I first retired from employed work I at first felt vaguely guilty about being able to sleep, eat, watch TV and daydream when I liked. However that feeling soon passed when I considered all I had put into the system.

Nowadays I please myself with a clear conscience.

I spend my life multi tasking. I just can’t help it and feel restless otherwise. At night I have tv going, sewing going and this iPad. Probably,as you said ,from childhood things. Also having a lot of children didn’t help- always in demand for something, just continuous.

Yes we can and are able to multi task the old expression from way back when is a woman’s work is never done and ever will be.
How sad that we are considered even more so now as second class citizens we need to educate our GC to reverse the current trend that we are worthy.

Sago, I sadly knew a few people with a mothers attitude like yours had, it was a reflection of how they had been bought up.The past must stop with you I know, but you have a life now nothing like that and a good partner. I would tell him how you have always felt though. I wasn’t bought up like that but always busy somehow.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
My husband is fully aware of my upbringing and tries to encourage me to just relax.
For some reason, I can somehow justify it when we have lit a fire!
I am going to make it my new year resolution to try to enjoy my home and garden more and not be working all the time.
I will start this afternoon ( when my chores are done) with a book, I not working until the New Year so I can be indulgent.

Religious bigotry. I would say.

We do carry things from our childhood that we shouldn’t don’t we?
How about you ease yourself into relaxation little by little? Have an hour working and an hour off throughout the day. Give yourself permission to sit down and relax as a reward for your work. I did this after my recent heart attack as I found it very hard to sit and rest and it worked well. Lots of hugs x

I find it awful when God is brought in as a disapproving figure! God loves us just as we are warts and all! We can do nothing to make God love us any more than he does. He accepts us !!

"I find it awful when God is brought in as a disapproving figure" so do I mumofmadboys. It's the person who disapproves and brings God into it to add what they regard as 'extra weight' to their personal opinion.

I was brought up to keep busy. My mum never did nothing. My ex husband hated not having my full attention. I am still not good at it.I still can't do nothing
I keep bizzy by knitting.

I’m. So sorry to hear that you feel guilty relaxing due to not being allowed to as a child. You mention that you attended mass somI guess that your parents were good Catholic folk who hit their child. Isn’t that just awful and stays with you still. My grandfather was an upstanding Catholic who would beat my grandmother after confession and continue all week until she had an untimely death very young. What a lot of sadness and cruelty the Catholic Church should be answerable for.
I really hope that when you are both retired you can adopt new habits and along with being busy enjoying yourselves you can also relax and at times enjoy doing nothing.