Friend not herself on holidays

I’m 75 now and was once a highly social creature with lots of friends. I always tried to make everyone happy; listened to their problems; organised days out etc. Suddenly after lockdown for some reason, I noticed that so called friends were often critical of me and made nasty comments (“only joking”) which hurt deeply.
I now have very few friends and feel better for it. Yes at times it feels lonely but rather that than being left feeling confused and upset by the bitchy attitude of friends.
Is it only me but now as I age, I long for that cabin close by a river or a forest from which to find solitude and contentment?

As Ali23 described in her post, it does sound as if this woman might also be showing signs of autistic behaviour.

Having 'nerves' or anxiety and wanting to stick to the 'rules' is a bit of a giveaway. Being away from her comfort zone in a new environment would be likely to bring out all the symptoms that she can 'mask' in her own everyday life.

Whatever it is, she obviously finds it hard to handle being away from home and there is lots of good advice on here about how you could respond to the situation. I hope you can still enjoy her friendship but perhaps limit the holidays!

I used to have a friend like that. She had been quite poor when little. 40 years later she was always talking about money, she had more than average. What if she bought a thatched cottage... Always comparing notes, see what she might be missing. In the end I had enough and stopped seeing her. I feel so much happier now and enjoy my retirement with a lot of other people friendly, intelligent and excellent company. Her loss

I had a lovely friend years ago , she was much older than me . We both had a baby at the same time and bonded but when the children started school I thought that I would be free to widen my horizons but she wouldnt take the hint. She wanted to come to everything I went to and frankly made my life a misery. Why are some people so unaware ?...

A number of these post have a similarity
It might be interesting to look up the characteristics of these folk and see what personality types are suggested
I did and it explained a lot at a personal level

Suzieque66, sounds like a misunderstanding, or misaligned expectations of what being friends means.
you say she was lovely, and that you bonded.
so maybe if she started going to different things, she would have enjoyed them even more if you went too.
so she assumed you felt the same.
it's not an outlandish assumption in the circumstances.
i think this hint not taking is a very fraught area; what seems obvious to one person may well not have occurred to another.
and hinting or expecting others to take a hint can easily morph into passive aggressive.
in what ways did she make your life a misery?

Would it work for you and your friend to go away 'together' on a group holiday. Its quite a common thing to do. I have been on several holidays with Exodus, Ramblers and HF and often a couple of friends have been part of the group. I find most people (including me!) are on their best behaviour in a group situation, not wanting to rock the boat or upset other group members. You get to spend a lot of time with your friend, but if they are starting to get on your nerves there are plenty of other people to talk to. Group members tend to sit together for meals so it doesnt matter what time you turn up in the dining room for example.

I guess she doesn't féél like herself on holiday so she doesn't behave like herself. Maybe she feels insecure away from her daily surroundings? I wouldn't go with her anymore, just keep up with your regular activities together. If she insists, yes try and explain why you prefer to see her in both your comfort-zones.

Basically, it's dodgy going on holidays with friends and I believe one is lucky if it goes okay and you remain friends. I've done it a few times. It works well with one couple. My friend likes to find a cafe and sit with her paper, sudoku and crossword (yes, Prague, Amsterdam, Budapest, Riga - always the same, bless her!) while I love to dash about. Our partners sort of fit in around us. We are all very easy going, but I have also had some worse experiences and they have definitely dented the friendship. People get controlling and anxious, and we all look at things in different ways. Best avoid any risk, if you can - it's not always easy to imagine how things will be.

It can be very difficult going on holiday with friends, you see a different side of them, almost like a relationship. Compare it with a new boyfriend, you may find getting along fine for dates but a holiday when you’re together for a week or two difficult.
It’s just how people are we all have our own little foibles and routines that may irritate others.

My husband is on alot of medications some for anxiety heart condition etc and he can be like this on holiday. Especially
for the first couple of days . Then he settles down. It works out better if we go to the same place again. But that's my DH we had good holidays when we were young before he had all these conditions. I would just do the successful meet ups and perhaps a one night stay in a hotel. I do one nights away with my friend of 20 years and one night is enough for me !

Make an escuse and go away alone.
Being away with friends does not always work. We are all used to our own little foibles and nothing will suit everyone be it a group or just two people. This is a holiday that you are paying for and you want to make the best of it.
I always travel by myself. You can do exactly as you please at your own pace and meet lots of new people to chat with.