New baby, different ideas.

Sarnia

I wouldn't worry. A few weeks of sleepless nights, endless washing, pacifying an unsettled baby and they will be begging for help.

Funny. I had three babies. Never had the experience of "begging" for help in the newborn phase. My current husband was just as hands on as my first (God rest his soul). No shame in wanting or needing help, but let's not pretend that everyone has the same experiences all the time. Life is not one size fits all.

Smileless2012

Good grief talk about taking the the joy out of what should be such a joyous occasion .

Here's the thing: They didn't have the baby for everyone else's joy. If the new little unit is happy, and it is their right to be, that's what matters here.

@flappergirl new mums want their own mum around because their own mum is concerned about her own daughter first and foremost before their grandchild. Had my mum been here she would have cooked up a storm in the kitchen so we had fresh, tasty meals to eat, she would have thrown herself into housework and changing beds and would have been the first to offer to run me a bath. MIL would hold my baby then literally wave her cup at me to make her another cup of tea (she would much rather I run around after her while I'm recovering than hand my baby back to me)
I saw one thread where a new mum said that her mum had made her a meal and offered to hold baby so she could eat. When her MIL came over, the new mum was expected to cook then handed baby back to the new mum so her food didn't get cold. That's often the difference. I'm not saying all MILs are like this by any means but mine is and if grandparents want a good relationship with their grandchild and frequent access then maintaining a strong and positive relationship with their daughter in law is paramount.

SingcoTime Perfect response 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

How sad. It’s such a joyous occasion to welcome a new life into the world. Thankfully my DS and DiL were keen to announce both arrivals of the DGD’s, one of which was in lockdown. We were all encouraged to meet them ASAP. Frankly I think it’s a bit mean to not at least send pictures and a reassurance that all is well. After all, GC wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for the GP’s in most cases.

Gillycats

How sad. It’s such a joyous occasion to welcome a new life into the world. Thankfully my DS and DiL were keen to announce both arrivals of the DGD’s, one of which was in lockdown. We were all encouraged to meet them ASAP. Frankly I think it’s a bit mean to not at least send pictures and a reassurance that all is well. After all, GC wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for the GP’s in most cases.

The birth of a baby is about the baby and its parents. And, it's not always a joyous occasion either, in the sense that I think you mean. Some new mothers are exhausted, depressed even, and most need time to adjust when they're pitchforked out of the hospital environment and left to basically get on with it.

It's really no good judging other people's behaviour by your own experiences. There's no right or wrong way of doing these things. Some are laid back and happy to have the GPs - or anyone else - visiting, others are not. What matters is that the baby is content and the parents are coping. How they manage it is really not up for discussion because everyone is different.

Yes, it seems odd to request that no-one outside the family be informed about the birth as I'm guessing the pregnancy was known about by others - but there could be a reason for it which they might not want to discuss openly.

It wouldn't have been the way I would've announced the birth of my son (not that technology had provided for text messaging at that time) - but that's me and I don't expect other people to think the same way as I do.

This is a couple with a new baby, about whom we know nothing other than what the OP has told us - which is very little. And we are making judgements on what we don't know about them. Which seems a bit pointless.

I'm a doula and antenatal teacher. It's amazing how often this sore issue pops up on GN.
1. Grandparents do not have a God-given right to start cuddling a baby straight from the womb. The focus at this time should be entirely on what feels right for the new parents.
2. For a new mother, visitors are extremely tiring, and being handed round a noisy room is very overwhelming for a new baby.
3. The baby will still be a newborn in 2/3 weeks time. Chill.

lol baby won’t notice who visited it. When my granddaughter was born in lockdown she was very premature 3.4 so we couldn’t see her even if we wanted to she was actually 7 months and her parents said should they have another child they wouldn’t let ppl visit it give them time to adjust and got used to being parents. I’m sure videos and photos will start coming when the parents are ready. When I had my 2nd son my hubby said he didn’t want anyone coming to the house we wanted to give his bro time to get used to baby without everyone fussing over baby and ignoring him. End of the day it’s the parents choice who they allow into their house not grandparents etc

This seems to be the way it is nowdays with many young people.. as someone said earlier the new norm.. many things have changed since the pandemic.. we just have to adapt to the way other people wish to live..

The baby is now 10 days old and at home.
Some family still haven’t been told of the birth.
Horses for courses definitely.
The father likes privacy and that is fine.

flappergirl

This is the new normal (I keep reading about it on Mumsnet). New mums these days don't want any visitors within 50 miles of them for at least a fortnight. The only exception seems to be their own mothers. Once the fortnight is up, people can make brief visits by appointment and must definitely not attempt to hold the baby or go anywhere near it. Shoes must be removed and if the visitors own dogs they must wear a hazmat suit before entering.

Good grief, how risky life is for a baby.! it’s a wonder our children ever got to school age, let alone adulthood.

I used to tell new parents if they had enough of visitors to stick a note on the door My mother was meant to help me with baby no 2but I ended up running around after her and sent her home asap it was easier Mylate mother in law and husband and brother in law stunk of cigarette smoke didn’t want them in house Screamed at my brother in law as I just wanted peace as quiet my husband would not listen you are tired sleepless night baby blues and if she wants to do that so be it times have changed And you have to respect it breast feeding can be very hard to establish You eant the sort of people who deliver a wicker basket with meals in it which one of my patients did or the traveller community who looked after their own

When my children were born there were no GPs, any relatives within 100s of miles. 1st child 3 months old when I travelled to GPs for them to physically see GC. No-one in family died due to not being given immediate access to their GC or nephew/niece. Respect the new parents, give them space.

I think this is the new normal for some new mums these days.

My DIL had her mum in the hospital with her and then stay at their home for a few days.

All we were told via text was that the baby had been born and mum and baby were well. No idea of sex, weight or name for about 2 weeks.

No communication from son either. 🤷🏻‍♀️

We live abroad so it’s not as if we’d be interfering in any way either and they know we don’t post family info. on social media as we already had a 6yr old grandson from the other son and DIL.

New family sent photos and an update on name after 2 weeks and occasional photos thereafter. Other granny did a lot of childcare in the first 6 months to enable DIL to carry on studying and take exams.

They eventually arranged to visit us when the baby was 10months old. We couldn’t visit them as this was 2022 and my husband was immuno compromised and couldn’t risk catching a plane.

As it turned out, the baby had Covid and passed it into my husband. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Luckily, he got over it ok.

DIL seems back to normal now so I can only assume she was overwhelmed by the whole experience as she’s normally very capable.

In The Netherlands it seemed to be the norm for new mums to have a large stork or similar displayed at the front of their house to notify people of the birth and then neighbours and friends were sent cards with visiting times.
I think GP's should take a back seat with a new born and allow parents time to get used to baby and have bonding time. GP's are not the most important people to consider and so long as they let the new parents know they will be available to help in any way then that's enough unless invited. Some GP's seem to think it's their right to be involved from the moment of birth and it's not.

TWO days ago!! Give the girl a break. Its good all round if new mother and baby can have peace for the first few days.

Shoes must be removed and if the visitors own dogs they must wear a hazmat suit before entering

April Fool’s day?

SingcoTime

Smileless2012

Good grief talk about taking the the joy out of what should be such a joyous occasion .

Here's the thing: They didn't have the baby for everyone else's joy. If the new little unit is happy, and it is their right to be, that's what matters here.

This. Not your baby not your choice. And if you have any pushy relis at all, then putting something like "love to see you when I am a bit more organised" can easily be "misinterpreted" as "ooo lets rush over now"

@Mamasperspective well said.

When I had my daughter my in laws arrived, unannounced, the next day. I felt it was intrusive and I was not ready to see anyone, as I wanted to bond with my baby. They insisted on lots of photos. I felt like a prop on a film set. I wish they'd asked and I'd been able to plan. Please respect the wishes of the new parents; it's their time and they need to go at their own pace. All will work out.

When our first grandchild was born we were sent a photo of the babies foot. We were sure there was something wrong as we wondered why we weren't shown her face! Turns out she was perfect. I'll never understand this reluctance to be normal in telling grandparents 😕

I’m just eternally grateful that my DH & I were included in the joy of the birth of all our grandchildren and were actively encouraged to visit, thrice within hours of their birth and the fourth ASAP thereafter as it was during the pandemic and they were also living outside the UK.
As a family we obeyed the restrictions both here and abroad but both sets of parents FaceTimed regularly so that the babies knew who we were and bonds were made

flappergirl

This is the new normal (I keep reading about it on Mumsnet). New mums these days don't want any visitors within 50 miles of them for at least a fortnight. The only exception seems to be their own mothers. Once the fortnight is up, people can make brief visits by appointment and must definitely not attempt to hold the baby or go anywhere near it. Shoes must be removed and if the visitors own dogs they must wear a hazmat suit before entering.

Re dogs and babies, a niece of dh sent us a little video of their lovely family dog cuddled up to, and very gently licking her very new 4th baby’s face.
Both parents are doctors! And, needless to say, exceedingly chilled.

(Apologies if this post has caused anyone’s BP to rise to dangerous levels.).

Hopefully nothing is wrong but am beginning to wonder if grandparents these days are always being dictated to by AC all appears controlled rather than relaxed … saying that my own daughter told us same for her 2nd child due to mil with first child announced it in facebook before she’d even left hospital .

Not saying this is the case but I’ve noticed a current trend of not wanting others to subject the new family to their germs’. I think it’s a shame although I think all family members need to wait to be invited rather than think they can just visit at all times. We have become a world of fearful and health anxious people in my view and this is encouraged by all the ‘fear’ messages put out by the media…during the pandemic and since…. Whatever happened to just being healthy…..