New baby, different ideas.

I think it is easier to get breastfeeding established if people aren;t going round all the time. I remember feeling quite battered from one of my births and my baby was very bruised. I wish I'd have been strong enough to say no visitors.

Give them a break and everyone just back off and calm down. New parents need space they are exhausted. I remember people coming to the house day and night I was tearful and exhausted. Wait until you are asked or invited. Back off. They will need you in time when the have settled. Chill!

"The GPS are very upset , knowing this does not come from the new mum.." How do they know for sure? Has she told them so, privately?

I'm sure there won't be any delay in seeking a babysitter later. Keep it in mind when asked just to make the point

I see it as controlling behaviour. They know the GPs are excited to see their GC

My first child was born 50 years ago. I was induced on the Monday and out on the Friday . Visitors were marshalled in and out by a dragon of a ward sister. No touching or picking up by visitors. Mother and baby were tidied up before visitors arrived. We had flowers. We all survived. I think we had it easier. oh

How lovely to be able to shut the doors to the world and enjoy those first precious moments together as a new little family. Sad that your friend can't share their joy and respect their wishes. But we are all different and providing there are no valid concerns about anyones safety, I think I would tell your friend to make it clear that she is really looking forward to meeting baby when they are ready and happy to support them in whatever way she can and your friend can support the childs grandparents who may feel a little left out if they havn't met baby yet. Or may know private details they have no desire to share. What ever the reason is its for family to deal with.

I hate this modern controlling behaviour A new baby is a joy and grandparents especially those who are going to be part of helping in the future should be part of the welcome, albeit briefly to start with
I see nothing wrong with saying Do come and see the baby but can you make it a brief visit as Jane is very tired At most that will be two brief visits

Children that grow up the happiest are those with family around them Far too ‘precious’ in my mind

I had my last baby by planned c section as she was transverse had the op on Thursday morning and home on Friday. My mil was a great help with all my kids. Neither of my parents got to live long enough to meet any of their 9 grandchildren. I must have been really lucky all the family wanted to help rather than be entertained.

I think people are missing or deliberately not understanding the point I am making.
Nobody wanted to flood the new parents with long visits but after months of anticipation just wanted to know when their new family member had arrived.
A photograph from hospital or an invite for the first time GPs just to pop in to the ward for 10 minutes to see the new arrival.
To be cut off from information seems almost cruel to me.
But then, my family are very close.
I received a photo on my phone of my brand new GGgrand daughter 45 minutes after she was born as my GS knew just how much I would love it and how excited and happy I was for them and for myself.

I had prem twins 30 years ago When they same home after 5 weeks my parents landed with their caravan and proceeded to spend a week holding babies and watching whilst I attempted to breastfeed both. Absolutely the last thing on earth that I needed. They loved those girls to bits and were generous with money and time as they got older. But was just too much too soon

Tanjamaltija

"The GPS are very upset , knowing this does not come from the new mum.." How do they know for sure? Has she told them so, privately?

These were my thoughts exactly!

The baby may even be in the ICU.

My feelings are like hilz.

Because they know and are very close to their daughter.

Baby was not in ICU and is absolutely fine.
I will leave it now as I know the family and the situation and will not address any more suppositions.

'Their baby, their choice' - but only to some extent. After all, it 'takes a tribe to raise a child'. If only everyone would just take some time to be considerate, kind and gentle!
I just get put out by the idea of 'only the mum's mum' being allowed anywhere near! As the mother of four sons I've always been second in line (even though one of the other grans involved is, quite frankly, useless and mentally ill!). However, I've never pushed myself, just feel alienated, which I don't think is great for the grandchildren.
Being a new mum gives you needs, and rights, but not a ticket to be utterly selfish - or is that a trend nowadays?
By the way, my sons are people-pleasers, for the most part, supportive and compliant husbands, until, in the case of the eldest, the controlling got too much and they are now divorced!

It’s the new way of things now I’m afraid. It comes from the so called professionals. It’s all nonsense of course and will change again in a few years. Just be patient.

Respectfully leave them be? They have their reasons and needs. Plenty of time surely for your friend to see the baby. I really cannot see the problem - beyond understandable disappointment and curiousity

It is hurtful and a bit strange denying the joy for GP's. Suggest could you have a little peek through the window. Could they deny that? Probably break the ice and they might see they are being a bit odd and probably say oh come in and have a cup of tea. Alternative, be patient they'll be begging for help soon!

Yes it is a new trend. Very odd in my thinking.
I couldn’t wait for visitors to show their love and interest.
Especially grandparents. I think it’s unkind.

When my GC were born, I would have felt very uncaring if I hadn’t visited. . Only for half an hour to start with.

I was in hospital for a week after each of my children were born and would have hated it if friends and family had not come to visit.

Odd behaviour. When I’ve see this happen, the babies have had a disability or facial issue. Some parents just want baby to themselves even when baby is ok. The fuss from ‘outsiders’ can be stressful I guess. Remember mummy would be quickly discharged from hosp.
(In the olden days) When my babies were born it was 21days in hosp - the second baby was 14 days. They were both healthy but that was the procedure in the nursing home (admittedly there was a bill to pay💷💗 )
I do hope the little family are healthy and happy and this baby is the start of many.

My daughter had first baby two months premature by emergency caesarean, she was 45 and first grandchild for both families. We were sent photo of baby being lifted out!!! And with new parents before she was taken to specialist baby ward. We were allowed to see daughter next day and to be taken to look at baby. She was in hospital for six weeks and we went to see her most days, mainly to keep daughter company as her husband went back to work as wanted to save his paternity leave till baby came home. We still didn’t touch baby as daughter was afraid of her catching something which we readily did, so we could see daughter and baby. When she finally came home they asked us to wait a week before seeing her as they wanted that time with her. They sent loads of photos but we complied with their wishes. As other posters said it’s their baby not ours we were just happy they were both well

new parents are definitely more aware and careful now about contact with new babies - I wish I had been more aware many years ago when I had mine and even when GC started to arrive. However they all thrived and survived. Just go with the flow.

When we had our babies in hospital we were protected by the strict visiting boundaries. Then this generation started coming home within hours . I think they have to decide the boundaries that they need.
This couple ( like some others nowadays) have gone the whole hog. I know another couple who have done this too. It was painful for their family but I think because of their inflexible personalities it was all that they could think of.
It didn’t last and the mum realised that she actually needed her family to help her.