Tales about "stingy" guests and hosts.

I'm not a Northerner but am currently living in the North of England. People here don't just pop in for a cup of tea and a quick chat. They get themselves settled and stay all day, expecting to be included in all meals. This is why I don't encourage people to visit me!

Vito

silverlining48

We travelled a total of nearly 5 hours round trip on public transport to visit friends.
It was a long tiring journey, and our meal , when it finally arrived was mashed potato on a slice of toast. . 😮 .

You win silver silverlining, 🤣🤣🤣.loving this thread.

Must have been a long time ago if avocados hadn’t been invented!😂

If anyone comes here, just pops in the kettle goes on and I offer them something to eat. I have been treated badly by a couple of oropendola over the years, but once bitten twice shy, I can't abide mean people so its their loss.
Now I tend to meet people out for a light lunch or snack.
Some if the examples of hospitality mentioned here beggars belief, they need telling how rude and hurtful it us to be treated that way. I couldn't say anything though just avoid in future.

DH and I went to an evening wedding do, the daughter of a local ‘posh’ farmer. The actual wedding reception had been in the afternoon, and the evening guests were just the hoi polloi from the village, who they felt obliged to invite.

We managed to source a cream cracker and a bit of cheese each, later arrivals got nothing as the frugal fare had long gone. DH enjoyed a glass of lukewarm beer, but once the few bottles and cans had been drank, that was it.

The best bit was the bride’s mother, after greeting us as we arrived, waved a hand in the direction of the cream crackers announcing “Do help yourselves to some food!”

It was so obvious that we evening arrivals were being treated to the meagre leftovers from the actual reception.

Same here - Calendargirl. Not a posh farmer in fact lovely hard working one but when us (B list) guests arrived the sit down meal guests were still eating his delicious roast lamb and we had to stand around watching them!!! Grim

I can't imagine having visitors and not offering them tea or coffee and a biscuit or cake. As for the paltry offerings some of you have been given for a meal...
Only once has something similar happened to me. At uni, a girl invited me for dinner and when I arrived we had two fish fingers each with smash(powdered) potatoes. But I expect she struggled with cooking rather than was being deliberately mean.

I went up for a week to stay with some mutual friends with another couple. Our friend was a good cook and we offered to prepare a special meal for our hosts. Spent an absolute fortune on a beautiful pork roast only to be told we couldn’t cook it in the oven because it might make a mess and we had to use a third rate little barbecue. We also did all the cleaning up afterwards and helped the hostess to stack up her linen cupboard ready for ‘paying ‘ holiday guests. We had already given her more than we would normally pay out on a holiday rental. At breakfast time we were not allowed to use her food, only stuff we brought ourselves and she told me off for using her breadboard to slice our own bread. Never went there again, made excuses when she asked us.

Talking of weddings I feel this is going to be awkward for some people.
In a few months I have kindly been invited to my SILs sister wedding. She is having approximately 50 people in the day and another 50 or so in the evening.
The wedding is at 2pm and my daughter told me that after the wedding guests will get tea and cake plus champagne for toasts. The bride thinks people will have had lunch before they come.
A hot buffet for all guests will be in the evening.
I suppose this is OK but they are not giving this information to guests and I don’t think most people will have a lunch especially those travelling a distance to the wedding.I am making sure I have a large breakfast/brunch before I go.

That's not unreasonable for an afternoon wedding. Have a decent lunch.

1summer

Talking of weddings I feel this is going to be awkward for some people.
In a few months I have kindly been invited to my SILs sister wedding. She is having approximately 50 people in the day and another 50 or so in the evening.
The wedding is at 2pm and my daughter told me that after the wedding guests will get tea and cake plus champagne for toasts. The bride thinks people will have had lunch before they come.
A hot buffet for all guests will be in the evening.
I suppose this is OK but they are not giving this information to guests and I don’t think most people will have a lunch especially those travelling a distance to the wedding.I am making sure I have a large breakfast/brunch before I go.

If the wedding is at 2pm it is not an unreasonable assumption that guests will have had lunch or brunch before going to the ceremony.

There will be the ceremony, followed by photographs so probably about 3.30 pm by the so tea and cake, with champagne would be appreciated.

I remember going to a young relative's wedding; after the ceremony there was champagne and canapés before the photographs, then a sumptuous afternoon tea. My son (a hungry teenager!) muttered "Is this it or do we get dinner so tucked in to the tea. Then there was a magnificent barbecue in the evening!

Excuse typos and grammar 😯

Greyisnotmycolour

Moonwatcher1904 I think nothing ruins a meal more than penny pinching over the bill, it sucks all the joy from the event.

Have to agree.
Work ‘dos’ are the worst.
There’s nothing worse than people asking for separate bills or using the calculator on their phone to work out their bill at the end of the evening 😩
But there’s always someone who gets away with not paying a penny.
Far easier to just split the bill - how ever many ways.
I choose not to go to work ‘dos’, in restaurants, for the reason above.

I ended up having to make up the difference after people shot off from a work do and leaving me to sort it all out. On top of my share I had to pay £70 extra.

The main story that comes to mind happened over 50 years ago. A great aunt of mine had died and my parents, an aunt, myself and baby daughter went to the funeral. The great aunt had lived as a lodger and my father planned for us all to go to lunch at a local hotel, however the lady owner of the lodging house said to my father that she was happy to provide sandwiches, tea and cake. We all tucked in and as we were about to go she asked my father for £10, he never batted an eyelid and paid up but he was furious he had missed a good lunch.
More recently my DH was invited to lunch with two friends, he turned up to find they were finishing their meal and offered him a cup of tea. The husband had issued the invitation and we can only think he didn't mention it to his wife and forgot himself.
A cousin of mine, whose wife is often ill, found himself confronted by a couple he barely knew on the doorstep. He asked them in and offered a drink and found some crisps, they all sat and chatted and eventually the couple left. Later he found that his wife had invited them to dinner.

I am reminded of the (surely apocryphal) story of the Edinburgh hostess who greets visitors with 'You'll have had your tea'. Probably invented by a Glaswegian!

I read some of the Mumsnet posts, jawdropping, then I remembered one…

as an adult, long tedious bus, two train journey to my parents house in Cheshire from Windsor to pick up my car, she said,
if you here at midday I will make us lunch, ok, Dad picks me up from station and is quiet… arrive at house, Mum lets me know how inconvenient it all is for them ?! retired?! walks into breakfast room, (no smell of food and table not set) with a flourish, opens the double doors of built in cupboards displaying an array of Heinz soups and other earthly delights, ponders, “Now, what shall we have.”

I felt sick with dismay, contemplating the long drive back,
said its ok I need to get going.
Mum became nasty, said if Dad and I were on our own
thats all we would have!
Realised why dad was crestfallen.
Stopped at bakers in the village, not much left.

Its hard when it is one’s own kin.
It’s hard when they were at my house dining on food from the allotment, new potatoes, strawberries, local lamb, fresh laid eggs.

This is all I was worth, a tin of lentil soup -

JenniferEccles

Talking of offering refreshments I know some folk on here will remember a poster called Gabriella who used to regale us with tales of her generous food offerings to tradesmen.

Even the DPD driver was sent away loaded up with goodies after dropping off a parcel!

I still miss her posts.

Oh I miss Gabriella too, she was great fun, she enjoyed her great life

^^^^^^^^^

the above tale was at the end of a lifetime of difficult
meals with mother, who always said her favourite food
was toast, had a troubled relationship with food, couldn’t
enjoy it, didn’t want her children to either, a prim,
fastidious woman, mean spirited, pinched, this translates
into food and feeding, no dining scene from Tom Jones for
this woman.
Even though when they came to visit, we had good food aplenty, fresh and good quality, children with hearty appetites,
she still didn ‘t really want it, poked at it, suspiciously.

I suspect many of the mean hosts have eating disorders, do not enjoy eating, don’t want guests to either.

These are people who - offer you a chocolate biscuit from a long packet, with your mug of tea, but kept his thumb underneath the top one so no chance of you taking two -

on NYE asking you around for a drink, opens bottle of wine, pour tiny glasses, he doesn’t have one as he doesn’t drink, forces cork back into bottle

This is normal to them, cannot let their hair down, enjoy themselves, the self censored oral police

A cousin of mine, whose wife is often ill, found himself confronted by a couple he barely knew on the doorstep. He asked them in and offered a drink and found some crisps, they all sat and chatted and eventually the couple left. Later he found that his wife had invited them to dinner.
🤣🤣🤣

Many years ago I went on holiday with a now ex-friend. We decided one of us would pay on alternate days but when it was my turn to pay she had the best of the menu but when it was hers, she queried about me having a glass of wine. I drink very little and at home, I never drink and drive. I ended up choosing the cheapest food when she was paying. Never again.

also ! to those attending weddings especially, hanging about, then wondering if you will be fed, have a good cooked breakfast or brunch, take chocolate and a drink, especially
if its a large wedding, if its a buffet, sharpen your elbows before attending, same for a barbecue - of all the many many many we have been to only ONE was enjoyable, good food well cooked, Iranian family, years ago, still spoken of, generous hosts, wanted everyone to relax and enjoy themselves.

Generosity is the key word isn’t it

that's an interesting theory, SORES.
i can see what you mean about eating disorders.
but it strikes me that some people far from not enjoying food themselves, so never offering enough, are simply mean, do enjoy it, and so want to keep it all for themselves.
how many take back wine or cake brought to share.
but generally it seems people who are generous tend to be happier, well-adjusted folk.

Primrose53

Just remembered another one …..

A friend invited us and several other people to her garden for a BBQ. I filled a couple of cool boxes with burgers, sausages etc and cold cans. Other people did likewise with chicken legs, bread, salad etc.

Her OH was in charge of cooking and thanked us all for bringing stuff then he asked his wife where their contribution was so he could get started. She produced ….. and I am not kidding ….. a small tupperware bowl half full of leftover potato salad! he thought it was a joke but it wasn’t and he was very cross and embarrassed all afternoon and apologised as we left. It was like water off a duck’s back to her and she just got drunk on other people’s booze! 🤣🤣

Gosh! I wonder what she would have done if everyone had expected her to provide the food?
How utterly embarrassing for the poor man!

Very funny posts, thanks for starting this thread with your very unfortunate hospitality story big louis.
Mine is we were invited to the Christening of a much longed for baby by my then boyfriend's sister & BIL. The invitation email - red flag right there - boldly stated there would be no refreshments provided but listed all nearby supermarkets where dainties could be purchased at a reasonable price.
Needless to say, I found I was doing something else on the day of the celebration. They were upfront about it I suppose but as a party giver in the Irish tradition I just couldn't get my head round such stinginess.

What poor man? Shouldn’t he have discussed beforehand with his wife what was to be cooked or better still, gone out and bought the meat himself. I know my son would!
We were once invited to supper and were expecting a meal so hadn’t eaten beforehand. But this was when we were new to the area, where the evening meal is tea. So supper was tea and cake- plenty of it though, especially fruitcake with cheese, which was delicious.