Remembering things

Over 30 years ago when my sister was fatally injured in a road accident at the end of March. I was coninved that the last time I had seen her was the previous Christmas. We had been in touch by phone, but not met up since then. We had been in contact quite a bit because we had been organising weekend visits to a disabled aunt whose husband was in hospitaal

At the time DH was working in Japan and, in a time before email, I had been writing him letters that went out with his company's courier. About 10 years after my DS's death, I was tidying a drawer when I found all the letters I had written, which had been kept for some reason.

Re reading them I came across a reference to my sister coming down to my aunt's at the same time as I was there. It was brief overnight visit on her journey somewhere else. This was only 2 weeks before her death, yet the memory disappeared almost instantly, leaving me convinced i hadn't seen her since Christmas.

Since then I have been able to retrieve the odd partial memory of the event. - of her arriving quite late, of us standing in the bedroom we shared, talking, of the weather being very cold, but little else.

My sister recalls all sorts of memories from childhood. I don’t remember all the incidents. The ones I do remember are accurately told by her, so I would think the rest are right, even if I have forgotten them.

I find my memory improves when my inflammation is low.

If I eat carbs and sugar I can’t remember things.

Eating a low carb ketogenic diet has me remembering poems I learned in school!

I forget all sorts of things. My friend was talking about her wedding 40 years ago. Apparently I was there but can't recall it at all. Similarly very few memories of my children when they were young. I put it down to the fact that I have done so much over the years that I can't possibly remember it all. My best friend, however, remembers everything I tell her whereas I forget things people tell me. So don't worry. You're not alone.

I used to be great with names now I sometimes struggle with them and the more I try to remember the worse the block becomes. Sometimes I get a complete brain freeze when I'm trying to think of the words I want to use, it's really quite worrying. At what point I wonder, is just a bad memory really the onset of dementia

Since DH died 3 years ago I have only a blurry memory of the things leading up to his death. It has to be a defence mechanism to deal with pain.
When my DF died I was a young child but I can remember that day in detail. The taxi taking him to the airport - he died in an aircrash- dropped me at school and so I was the last one to see him alive.
Recently my older sister told me that was nonsense as she was also there.
Memory plays tricks, that's for sure.

I can’t remember what happened yesterday -yet, have one or two distinct memories of when I was probably 2 or 3 years old. That I think is a sign of dementia or Alzheimer’s- oh dear😩….yes, I do remember sorting out old photo albums yesterday, destroying unidentifiable photos, and making a chicken curry for my daughter, who did not turn up.

I think we sometimes only remember what we want to. I feel my memory is good but then my DD will recall a childhood memory that I have no recollection of or my memory of an event is totally different to hers.

I was told if you cannot remember a name, work through the alphabet - it does work !

Recently my older sister told me that was nonsense as she was also there
Memory plays tricks, that's for sure.

I think you’re right Grammaretto. I’ve often wondered whether it plays some part when young adults estrange their parents/siblings. In that they truly believe their own recollections.

crazyH

I was told if you cannot remember a name, work through the alphabet - it does work !

Yes, it usually does (not always).

I always think my memory is better than DH's but a couple of times recently he's mentioned something or an event where I know I must have been there but it's a complete blank and can't even remember when he describes them to me.

Perhaps they just weren't interesting enough to retain. I sure the brain filters out unnecessary memories.

I can’t remember when I last saw or spoke to my mother before she died over twenty years ago. Yet, I can remember clearly when I last saw my father a few days before he died. I visited him in hospital and we joked about all the various devices he was wired up to. This was over forty years ago.
I’ve always been hopeless with names. I have a habit of calling people the name I think they should be called! But I do get cross when people get my name wrong! It’s French and some people anglicise it.

I do think ifyou have often retold a certain story that your version fixes itself in your mind. It may or may not be 100% accurate.

DD has an appallig memory. She descibes it as a computer disk that delted everything on it every 5 years.

There are events involving her that we have recalled at various times over the years that in the early years she has remembered, but now 10-20 years later, despite the reinforcement of these recalls, she now has absolutely no memory.

In one case, we fall over backwards never to mention the event in her presence because it was something she did when she was about 12, which was very clever, very witty and rather naughty. She quite enjoyed the event being remembered because it was 'very clever, very witty and rather naughty'. She now has no memory of it, and it rather upsets her.

God bless the low carb diet. I have never felt as fit as I do when I am on it. When I go on holiday and start to eat other foods such as pasta and pizzas and pies and cream I feel sluggish and tired but once back on the low carb diet, I bounce back and can also remember things, such as seeing my dad pushing my pushchair in the 1940's. Many people worry that not remembering recent things but remembering things that hapened years ago is a sign of dementia but I believe it is because, every day things are not as important as you get older, especially when you have lost someone close to you but remembering the things from our past is because we were happy.

There’s a photograph of myself and two school friends at a fair with a monkey on my shoulder. We would have been about 14-16. I would swear it never happened. None of us remember posing with this poor monkey for a picture. We didn’t drink or do drugs so it’s not that that has impaired our recollection. It has become quite the joke between us and us known a monkey gate. It’s quite disconcerting when, despite photographic evidence, the memory has nothing to offer!

I find keeping a journal or diary very helpful. Especially the important dates,weddings, special birthdays, holidays etc. My husband did route66 a few years ago.he kept a journal all the time with photos,receipts, little anecdotes . If he hadn't he would have forgotten most of it . Then during lockdown he wrote a book about his trip. We can't all do that but a journal or a calendar with spaces to write dates will jog your memory.

I can remember things 30 or 40 years ago, but trying to remember what happened the day before yesterday…..
Long-term memory, brilliant, short-term memory, appalling

Yearoff - monkeygate ... I have that picture too. Me and a monkey!

🤔

I have what is called "aphantasia" which means I can't see pictures in mind, this affects 1-3% of the population, one of my grandsons is the same. I have a wonderful memory which is of course different from imagery.

I have an excellent memory for facts but I do fail to recall the odd word from time to time. Often I know the first letter of the word I want. Of course I can always summon up an alternative word or describe what I mean so I dont worry about it.

This kind of forgetting is called "Age related recall problem" and is a regretable fact of life when you are getting older. My grandmother still had a sharp memory into her 90s.

I am so relieved to read this! I too have very little recollection of some events that happened involving family. It’s a very frustrating feeling.
I agree with your daughter MOnica
My theory is that as we get older our brains have so much information in them that they have to do a clean up every so often to make room for new events! Of course there’s no medical evidence to prove this is true.

My sister and I recall past memories in a totally different way.
Events we both attended are recalled differently I state the facts in bullet points my sister always recalls events as if our childhood was idyllic and we lived in a chocolate box cottage with roses round the door.
Talking to her the other day she was surprised when I said I had a photographic memory, I can see events in my mind like video clips. It helped tremendously when doing my nursing exams and for setting up trolleys when I worked in theatre.

I can remember certain times from my childhood, it's as though my mind took a photo and I can look at it. If I try to recall other things such as potty training my two children or putting events that happened when we were first married in order, I have no clear memory. I think it's all quite normal really, it's been a long and eventful life.