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Parents-in-Law. What do/did you call them?

(102 Posts)
Marmight Mon 22-Apr-24 09:04:47

My late in-laws weirdly popped into my mind the other day while I was chopping veggies. It occurred to me that I never, in the 10 years I knew them, called them anything. Gladys & Donal didn’t feel right nor slipped off the tongue. Mum/Dad wasn’t appropriate as I already had a Mum & Dad. Mother/Father too formal & uncomfortable. I must have mumbled something when necessary - heaven knows what! They lived for each other & died 40 years ago within 6 weeks of each other. Perhaps, subconsciously, I was remembering the anniversary. Strange to think I am the only one left who does and although we were never close, I feel quite emotional about it. Perhaps with the benefit of hindsight & experience, I would treat them differently than I did as a newly married 20 something.

Smileless2012 Mon 22-Apr-24 09:08:00

I called mine by their christian names and Mr. S. used the childhood nick name we had for my mum since childhood.

Sarnia Mon 22-Apr-24 09:19:14

I was fortunate enough to have 2 mothers-in-law who treated me like their daughter. I called them by their Christian names. They both died long ago but they often pop into my mind. I feel fortunate to have been a part of their lives.

Clawdy Mon 22-Apr-24 09:20:00

For some reason, I had to call my MIL Mum. And my husband called my parents Mum and Dad which was awkward as his dad was dead. It seemed to be the acceptable thing then, instead of calling them by their own names,which would have made more sense. Because it felt awkward, if my MIL rang me, or if my mum ran my husband, they always said "Hi, it's me!"

Primrose53 Mon 22-Apr-24 09:22:09

First names only.

eddiecat78 Mon 22-Apr-24 09:28:32

Marmight I'm the same as you - avoided calling them anything - and I lived next door to them for nearly 40 years! Their first names felt inappropriate and there's no way I'd have called them mother and father

kittylester Mon 22-Apr-24 09:30:16

Like Marmight, nothing at all. Maybe Grandma and Grandpa when the children were around.

We had a great relationship despite that. grin

Callistemon21 Mon 22-Apr-24 09:33:39

Mum.

However, when referring to her it was always by her first name.

fancythat Mon 22-Apr-24 09:34:30

My inlaws - grannie and grandpa. Unless I see grannie socially, in which case I call her her first name.

Grannybags Mon 22-Apr-24 09:37:03

I didn't call mine anything either.

I agree with eddiecat that first names felt inappropriate and I couldn't bring myself to call them Mum and Dad.

Georgesgran Mon 22-Apr-24 09:42:24

I don’t think I called them anything (he was a bit off-hand and she was awful). As we both worked 2 jobs and they didn’t drive, we didn’t seem much of them, even though we didn’t live too far away. When the DDs arrived I’d refer to them as GranA and GrandadA.
I’d hoped that my DDs would have had better luck, but sadly, one died early on and the other has a dreadful illness - but always on first name terms.

flappergirl Mon 22-Apr-24 09:44:56

I always called my first set of in laws back in the 70's Mr. & Mrs. I've no idea why as they weren't pompous people but they never once suggested I be less formal. Maybe it reached a point of no return and I was only married to their son for 4 years.

My second in laws in the 90's were always called by their Christian names.

Both sets are now long since dead.

kittylester Mon 22-Apr-24 09:46:53

On the other hand, my sons and daughters in law call us by our first names - never any question about it.

1summer Mon 22-Apr-24 09:54:40

It does seem silly but I didn’t call my MIL anything just Nanny when talking to the children. On Birthday or Christmas cards I always wrote Mum but of course it was from my husband and me.
My son in law calls me and called my husband by our first names.

NotSpaghetti Mon 22-Apr-24 09:55:32

Marmight - how very sad. Six weeks between them... your poor husband. My parents died twelve weeks apart. My mother was totally bereft without my dad - it was a terrible time.

I called my father-in-law by his first name and still call my mother-in-law by hers. We are closer now than we were when I was young but she is not my mother so I don't think I could call her mother and she wouldn't want it.

I know she struggled to know what to call her in-laws because she has laughed about the absurdity of it.

nandad Mon 22-Apr-24 09:56:59

Mum and dad. Mil told me she felt all glowy when I first called her that. I was 30 when my own mum died and in the end my MiL knew me for longer.

Witzend Mon 22-Apr-24 10:03:56

First names. TBH even the ILs’ own 4 boys didn’t call their folks mum and dad - MiL was usually ‘first name’ and FiL was ditto or Father.

Son in law and dd2’s ‘partner in law’ also call me and dh by our first names, or dds’ nicknames for us.
I certainly wouldn’t want them calling me ‘Mum’ - I’m not their mum.

JamesandJon33 Mon 22-Apr-24 10:04:02

Mil ,I called Mum. FiL by his first name. He was not a nice man and didn’t warrant Dad

Septimia Mon 22-Apr-24 10:07:21

Mam and Dad.
Happy for our DiL to use our Christian names. Don't mind if adult nieces and nephews drop the "Auntie" and "Uncle" - they know the relationship after all.

Calendargirl Mon 22-Apr-24 10:27:17

Didn’t really call them anything, then after we had children, just called them Grandma and Granddad.

My own DIL and SIL call us by our first names, wouldn’t want them to call us Mum and Dad because we’re not.

My own sister has never allowed her children’s spouses to use their Christian names, and calls herself granny to them. As in “Hello, it’s Granny” if she phones them.

Sounds rather silly to me.

Jaxjacky Mon 22-Apr-24 10:28:55

By their Christian names.

grumppa Mon 22-Apr-24 10:30:27

First names.

jusnoneed Mon 22-Apr-24 10:37:56

My lovely first in laws I called Mam and Dad (she was highly delighted the first time I called her Mam lol) and the second equally lovely ones Mum and him his christian name. I think that came about because he was a customer at my parents pub when I first knew him and so that stuck.

Cabbie21 Mon 22-Apr-24 10:42:23

Nothing. For the same reasons as others have stated.
Or Gran in front of the children.

hollysteers Mon 22-Apr-24 10:42:32

I called my widowed MIL Mother and my own mother Mum. Mother felt right; we had an up and down relationship, so the formality worked.
My DH called her Mother, never mum and often, Mama.