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Parents-in-Law. What do/did you call them?

(103 Posts)
Marmight Mon 22-Apr-24 09:04:47

My late in-laws weirdly popped into my mind the other day while I was chopping veggies. It occurred to me that I never, in the 10 years I knew them, called them anything. Gladys & Donal didn’t feel right nor slipped off the tongue. Mum/Dad wasn’t appropriate as I already had a Mum & Dad. Mother/Father too formal & uncomfortable. I must have mumbled something when necessary - heaven knows what! They lived for each other & died 40 years ago within 6 weeks of each other. Perhaps, subconsciously, I was remembering the anniversary. Strange to think I am the only one left who does and although we were never close, I feel quite emotional about it. Perhaps with the benefit of hindsight & experience, I would treat them differently than I did as a newly married 20 something.

ginny Mon 22-Apr-24 10:43:28

By their first names.
Same as sons in Law call us by ours.

Astitchintime Mon 22-Apr-24 10:54:31

Until we were actually married I had to call my OH parents
Mr xxx and Mrs xxx. It was only after the wedding that I was allowed to call them mum and dad. I soon discovered that I had migrated into a very strange, regimented family where females 'had to know their place' with a pecking or dilated by age and immediate/non immediate family. Not a particularly happy part of my existence.

TerriBull Mon 22-Apr-24 10:56:44

First names. Each to their own, but I personally wouldn't want to address a spouse's parents as "mum and dad" simply because they aren't/weren't my mum or dad. Our children's other halves, always calls us by our first names and when we send Christmas cards we sign it mum and dad and underneath that our first names. Birthday cards to partners we sign our first names.

The French address their parents in law as belle-mere and beau pere, how bizarre! so glad I didn't know that when I had a French father in law, first marriage, he wouldn't have been my beau pere no way! neither would my English late father in law come to that, more like "douleur dans le derriere" Mothers in law were both nice so could possibly have entered the belle mere category.

Grandma70s Mon 22-Apr-24 10:56:45

My in-laws insisted on being called by their first names, but it never felt natural to me. My husband certainly didn’t:call my parents by their first names. - they would’t have liked that. I think he avoided calling them anything.

TerriBull Mon 22-Apr-24 11:00:53

Yes come to think of it, reading others posts, I don't think I called them anything either, maybe once or twice when necessary, it would have been first names.

Callistemon21 Mon 22-Apr-24 11:03:26

Septimia

Mam and Dad.
Happy for our DiL to use our Christian names. Don't mind if adult nieces and nephews drop the "Auntie" and "Uncle" - they know the relationship after all.

DIL and SIL use our first names.
I told nieces and nephews to drop the Aunty and Uncle, some have, some not.

luluaugust Mon 22-Apr-24 11:19:14

I avoided calling my in laws anything until they became nan and pop (their choice). Our children’s partners call us by our first names.

crazyH Mon 22-Apr-24 11:28:40

Evil

Mollygo Mon 22-Apr-24 11:49:27

My MIL said she’d decide what I should call her once I was married. I avoided calling her anything until Nan was appropriate. FIL said to call him by his nickname like everyone else did. DH referred to my parents as Mum and Dad.
One SIL calls me Madre, the other by my first name.

Marmight Mon 22-Apr-24 12:59:40

My 3 SiL call me Marmight - not really but you know what I mean 🤣 (probably something else behind my back!) and my 3 DDs use their in-laws first names. Much easier for all concerned. Thinking about it after reading all the posts, I may have referred to my in-laws as Grandma/Grandpa once the girls were born. Sooo long ago now. Life was much more formal in our parent’s & grandparent’s day.

lixy Mon 22-Apr-24 13:10:51

First names for my in-laws and DH does the same. Our AC's partners call us by our first names too.
It only gets tricky when signing a card - wedding anniversary for each of them usually - and then I sign mum/name which always feels rather clumsy.

Oopsadaisy1 Mon 22-Apr-24 13:12:10

I don’t call them anything, like some others I mumbled something if needed, but as we didn’t see them very often the situation never really arose.
MrOops called my parents by their first names.

Cossy Mon 22-Apr-24 13:13:21

First names.

Wyllow3 Mon 22-Apr-24 13:14:52

First names. Never occurred to do otherwise.

PinkCosmos Mon 22-Apr-24 13:19:53

My mum died 10 years ago. My MIL has said a few times, 'Call me mum since you don't have one anymore'.

I know she means well but it doesn't feel right to me. I am in my 60's and she is in her 80's anyway.

I generally don't call her anything but if I need to it is usually her first name.

cornergran Mon 22-Apr-24 13:29:12

Mr C’s dad had died before we met. I now feel very ashamed I didn’t use a name when speaking to his Mum. 18 when we met she was in her 60’s and seemed more like a grandparent. An incredibly capable woman I was in awe of her although she was always welcoming. Distance meant I spent little time in her company. Once our children came along she became Nan C. When both his parents had died Mr C slipped into calling my parents Mum and Dad. I’ve no idea what they thought. They never commented. Our daughters in law call us by our first names and seem comfortable doing so. We’re very happy with their choices.

Norah Mon 22-Apr-24 13:31:26

Christian names.

yogitree Mon 22-Apr-24 13:37:56

By their Christian names. They were not my mum and dad.

M0nica Mon 22-Apr-24 15:47:00

I called them by their first names.

pascal30 Mon 22-Apr-24 16:21:53

My MIL was called Maman as she was Belgian, and my FIL we called Pops..

NotAGran55 Mon 22-Apr-24 16:28:30

MIL is called a cute variation of gran, a name that my boys called her when they were little, and FIL is a very silly triple barrelled hyphenated name the boys gave him!

If I talk to someone outside the family about them then I use their first names.

LOUISA1523 Mon 22-Apr-24 17:29:57

First names

mrshat Mon 22-Apr-24 17:36:08

Nothing until the children arrived, then Gran and Grandpa.

LovesBach Mon 22-Apr-24 17:59:11

First names, always. My AC's partners use our first names too - I wouldn't want anything else.

BlueBelle Mon 22-Apr-24 18:01:18

Mum surname Dad surname