Feeling a bit left out!

I can understand your feelings, could it be a communication issue, do you make arrangements or wait for them? I would have a chat and say you would love to see them more but dont want to be pushy etc. I had a similar issue years back and had an honest chat with my son, he hadnt realized! Began to bring them round more and invited me for days out. No need for a big conversation, keep it light, best of luck to you. When i was brining mine up it was a case of the more people who loved my children the better!

I only had one daughter and she now lives in Australia with her husband and twin sons, so I don’t see them very often. Even if they still lived here, I wouldn’t be obsessed about seeing them all the time as some grandparents seem to do. They have their own lives to live.

Don’t wait to be invited - ask if you can visit/call in!

With two young children, life is probably a bit chaotic for the parents and once a fortnight seems reasonable. Personally I wouldnt want to see them very day as I’d find it exhausting! I have a 20 month old grandson and I see him on average once a week which with some babysitting in between. As delightful as he is, it’s very tiring as he’s on the go all the time and you need eyes in the back of your head.

Do you invite them to yours instead of waiting to be invited to theirs? Maybe for tea or Sunday lunch?

NotSpaghetti

How much did you see your adult children before they had children?

I don't think it will change a lot.

Agreed.

We see our GC as much, not more, than we see our AC.

Seems quite logical.

I can also agree that I don't feel that urge to see the grandchildren lots.
Not now, obviously, because they're young men, but also when they were little.

I know my mum felt like that about my daughter, but even she could have too much of a good thing!

I think all families have their own 'normal' - everybody's lives are different. The worst thing you can do is compare your own lie to the lives of other people. It depends on people's jobs, how far away they are, financial situation, health, ability to travel and so many other things. Things change over time too, so you don't know what the future holds. Just enjoy your visits and let the parents know how happy you are to be a grandma and how happy you are for them. Let them know that if you can do anything to help them out while they are such new parents you are happy to help. Don't make this all about you or put your life on hold.

I think fortnightly is great and I know how much young children can change/develop at this age. Why not ask both sets of parents if they’d be open to a video call on the in between weeks.

Congrats on being a grandparent and try to enjoy them.

Some would love to see their grandchildren once a fortnight, so be happy.

I have 8 grandchildren. Three of them live near by - and one of these is now living with us plus her partner because of the lack of suitable housing. I see the other two a fair bit which is nice. The other 5 live further away but we're still in contact though we don't see them as much as we did. They all know we're here if they need us and I know they'd come to our need if necessary too. It seems to work for us all which is lovely.

How much did you see your adult children before they had children?

I don't think it will change a lot.

I agree with MOnica and flappergirl, and confess to being a wee bit puzzled by statements like ‘never experienced the love that is having a grandchild’, and people saying they are ‘overwhelmed’ with love for a grandchild. I do love all my grandchildren, but time spent with them has always varied, depending on when we saw their parents, and now that they are older they can visit on their own. I do understand ClaraDee wanting to give them space, but I do think I’d make sure the parents knew that I’d love to see more of the wee ones. To me it’s one of those things that can build up over time, and I’ve seen friends become obsessed with how much time other family members ( especially the other grandparents) spend with the children.
I noticed ClaraDee said she thought she’d be invited more, but could it be that the children’s parents will be saying they thought she’d have visited more? Good communication at the outset can prevent a lot of problems later.

LOUISA1523

flappergirl

I don't have grandchildren and I'm more than happy with that. I only had one child myself through choice (whom I love dearly) and I am just not baby or child orientated. If I had grandchildren I really wouldn't want to see them every day. I'm too busy with my own life to be honest.

I have a friend who lives only for her grandchildren. It's all she ever talks and thinks about, endlessly. I wonder if this is something of a modern phenomenon because I don't remember grandparents being so obsessive years ago.

If you don't have grandchildren then you can't say say how often you would want to seecthem....you have never experienced that love that is having a grandchild...different to the love you feel for your children .....there is only your own normal...I see my GC at least 4 times a week....that is my normal.....i was busy with my own life ....still working full time , then I became a grandparent.....I don't need to see my 3 every day .....but I certainly think about them every day....I wouldn't call myself obsessive

i am sorry, all I can say to LOUISA1523 is that I am a grandmother and I felt none of this obsession with my grandchildren that you describe, neither when they were born, or since. They are now mid-teenagers.

It doesn't mean that I do not love them and I am delighted to see them whenever I can, but in many ways I am thankful I live some distance, although I wish it was much less than 200 miles and we are now moving to be closer to our children with an easier journey between us.

It was the same with my children, they were much wanted, but I rejoiced in every small step they took towards independence , from being able to sit up unaided to flying the nest. We are a close family and remain so still because no one has ever clipped our wings for family reasons.

I am in entire agreement with flappergirl

I think I saw my grandmother fairly often because she was lonely after her husband died and my parents used to collect her and bring her to our house because they felt sorry for her.

I truly loved her (she taught me to read) and I know I was precious to her - but am aware that she was sometimes brought to us because they felt they should. They were very kind and considerate parents but my mum worked and my father only had Sunday off work...

I don't really want to be included because people think they should include me. On the other hand, demonstrating a life of kindness and generosity is no bad thing!

When I was very young (4-10) I saw my grandmother once a month because that was all the time that was the available for someone to take me. Once I grew old enough to make my own way it was about every two weeks.

It would seem to me once a month is reasonable for young children if their parents or grans have to travel. People lead much busier lives nowadays than when I was a child.

*their

I have sons, so I'm MIL, which is why I'm trying to be sensitive about the whole issue. Its not a formal arrangement, it just seems to have fallen into this routine. I haven't asked for more visits because they have lots if other people in there lives. I do have my own life: lunch with friends, hobbies, holidays etc. I think I just want to cherish every minute I can with them. I'm sure I'll be babysitting soon!! Thank you for all your valuable advice x

As with so many things, it's quality not quantity that counts.

Just take what you are given with regards to visiting times and, as far as possible, spend any time you have with the grandchildren without distraction and watching and listening attentively to them. Keep the relationship to your children and their spouses as amicable as it already is, and be open, honest and not intrusive with your comments.

flappergirl

I don't have grandchildren and I'm more than happy with that. I only had one child myself through choice (whom I love dearly) and I am just not baby or child orientated. If I had grandchildren I really wouldn't want to see them every day. I'm too busy with my own life to be honest.

I have a friend who lives only for her grandchildren. It's all she ever talks and thinks about, endlessly. I wonder if this is something of a modern phenomenon because I don't remember grandparents being so obsessive years ago.

If you don't have grandchildren then you can't say say how often you would want to seecthem....you have never experienced that love that is having a grandchild...different to the love you feel for your children .....there is only your own normal...I see my GC at least 4 times a week....that is my normal.....i was busy with my own life ....still working full time , then I became a grandparent.....I don't need to see my 3 every day .....but I certainly think about them every day....I wouldn't call myself obsessive

Are they daughters or sons babies and is it a formal arrangement each fortnight at such and such a time ?

My family s much more casual no set rules as to formal visits just pop over when in the area( letting them knew of course) or when convenient or when asked for baby sitting etc

I wouldn’t worry get on wit your own life and be there when needed and my betting is it will increase when they are crawling around to “mum can you spare a couple of hours ?’ Etc etc

I think you see them a normal amount!
Could you maybe see them on opposite weeks, so you have plans each week?

How often did you see the families prior to pregnancies?

Of course you want to see these tiny babies as much as possible while they change and develop from week to week. Do your very best to fit in with what their parents are comfortable with. You will have wonderful moments and memories, cherish every one as they grow up so quickly.
The time together and relationships change as the years pass. Today my oldest granddaughter was telling me how mean she and her sister thought I was when they were teenagers. Now they are in their twenties and understand what I was trying to do! She also gave me a great pedicure.

Find not hind !

Fortnightly sounds about right to me, of course we love our GC but they have parents. Just make it clear you you are available and don't push too hard. You have a sound relationship with both of your children so appreciate that and don't spoil it. The GC are still babies as they get older you may well be asked to do more- you may also hind that very exhausting! Whatever happens you have a lovely family and that is wonderful.

We had our time, it's theirs now 😊
This, exactly.

I'm sorry you want more contact. I know fortnightly would work for me.

Enjoy your time as they will soon be grown! Two of mine are already teens and others will have great-grandchildren by now!