When to move?

But you cannot know exactly when the moment is reached when a move is necessary. We bought our current house in our early 50s as our retirement home, knowing that we would need to downsize at some time.

Well, at 80 we are beginning to run down a bit and have decided that if we move we might as well move somewhere more convenient for our children.

Move before there’s a crisis and before you can’t manage. Look ahead and foresee the problems which may (or may not) arise in your current home. If it needs doing do it whilst you are physically and mentally able ie before you really want or need to. Don’t leave your children to sort it out. We thought about it through our 60s then did it and haven’t regretted it. Our memories of our previous house are happy ones not about things going wrong.

We bought this house eight years ago and realised that the time might come when the upkeep of a house became too much for us.

That time has not yet come, even although DH died last autumn, years earlier than we eight years ago had any reason to think either of us would die.

Practically the first thing people said to me upon learning of DH's death was "Are you going to sell the house?" The polite answer was, "Not at the present". The less polite, but more frequent was "Will you for Heaven's sake let me get used to widowhood before you start planning my future?"

I am coping. Have painted the outer sides of seven windows completely and have undercoated three more, two of which are on the first storey, painted the cement faced founds of the entire house , have 3 windows still to do, and have repainted and decorated all the rooms of the entire first storey .

All this ,over and above dealing with probate, trying to find a gardener, mowing grass myself, shopping, cooking and cleaning - the three last were formerly shared tasks, whilst DH did household repairs and I washing, ironing and the basic minimum of gardening.

Strange as people find it, we bought the house because we liked it and could imagine being happy living in it, (which we were, and I still am) not because we cared two hoots about the garden, which only interests me because it has currant bushes, is a place to hang out the washing, and a marvellous playground for two cats.

What said garden looks like is not anything I can work myself up about - it is home to two hedgehogs, and uncounted number of toads, various birdst, butterflies, dragon flies and a fairly large assortment of field mice, voles and shrews. The queenie cat makes me regular presents of the above mouse populations (including a mouse, proudly brought into the kitchen ten minutes before the undertaker was due to come on the morning following DH' s death. I decided that an undertaker was unlikely to be disturbed by the sight of a dead mouse, that I had not time to weep at the cat's attempt to condole with me, and dealt with her gift in the time honoured fashion, which includes the use of a dustpan and brush and a small plastic bag.)

Her brother devours more or less of his mice, depending on the size of his appetite that day and leaves me to dispose of the rest of his meal.

So cross the bridge when you come to it - you will know when the time is right, or if, like my father, you don't, someone else will dispose of your property once it no longer is your concern. Live life while you have it.

We are in the process of downsizing to a park home. We are in our 60s and my husband still working. The decision came about when one came available where we have talked about for many years. Due to ill health I can’t help in the garden which will help take the load of my husband. We still have manageable outside space. Moving now for us is the right time

We downsized seven years ago to a three bed end terrace, but now regret moving. We are now looking to move to a detached house with good parking. We will stay in the town as it’s nice and everything is just so conveniently within walking distance, plenty of buses also. My advice be fussy and have a good look around the area you intend to move to.

I moved to a vibrant community neighbourhood with all facilities nearby when I was 65. I still had the energy to completely reconfigure my small house and garden to my taste.. and also the energy to make a few new friends.. I managed to get rid of all the things I didn't need in that last move..

Sorry to be negative, but moving house is not a joyful experience.

It's not negative, it's realistic.

Be warned the sharks start circling when they smell the vulnerability of an older person, in a house which is becoming more difficult to manage. They strike with venomous greed, its a booming business and difficult to find creditable, honest agents that do not swim in the same pool. Nuff said

When we bought our current house we knew we would be moving on at a later date, but it suited us then and we have lived here nearly 30 years.

Now we would like to live somewhere closer to our children and with the services we need, shops, doctor, hospital, within walking distance.

However, retirement properties have never featured in our plans. We want a proper house with plenty of space, just less than we have now and little or no garden.

If Dh goes first I think I would just stay. I think he would too.

We did consider downsizing and looked at retirement flats, did sums decided to stay put. We are near enough to family and facilities. That left us with stairs and maintenance of Edwardian house. We got a stairlift and have a neighbourhood WhatsApp group for tradesmen. In our final throes I expect we will just let the house crumble, the garden go wild and hope we will be past noticing.

I would also like to move as house is very old and needs maintaining. Also the garden is a lot of work.

I am nearing 80 now, but the thought of all the admin work to be done, solicitors, energy companies. etc. puts me right of.

Another thing is tons of stuff to be sorted out. Mine and OH who is reluctant to get rid of anything.
It just seems like a lot of hassle, which it is.

And then we have the pressuring estate agents who continually advise you to take the first offer that comes your way.

Sorry to be negative, but moving house is not a joyful experience.

There are a lot like us aren't there!
I had my house valued recently and the EA told me that there are lots like me.
She was right.
When my DiL's dad died, her mum was stranded in the big house. DiL came to the rescue but first had to persuade her it was for the best.
It was and she now lives in a village with some facilities and lovely neighbours.
They were rural before.

It's hard on your own but needs must. I went to NZ this year to stay with DS2 and I thought I wouldn't have the confidence but I did.

I hope we all make the right decision for us.

I’d say do it before you have to if it’s going to be a significant downsize. We’re in the process at the moment, after nearly 28 years here (aged 69 & 70). We have a large house in half an acre which we ran as a B&B for 9 years after our daughters left home, rather than downsizing then. We stayed because my elderly parents were nearby & my sisters both live in Australia.
After my parents had both died, we were free to move wherever we wanted. But by then it was late 2019 & when Covid hit, it was impossible to sell their flat. By the time it sold, our daughter had a partner & baby
which meant we didn’t want to live even further from them (3 hr journey at the moment).
Now they have a 2nd baby & want to move from London to Surrey & so we’re about to move to Surrey too.
Since we found a buyer 3 months ago we’ve been selling/donating/recycling ready to downsize to a new build. New builds don’t have the storage of 60s/90s house! We’re so glad we’re young enough to do it, it’s hard work, as was getting the house ready for sale.
Even if moving isn’t an imminent option, start clearing out stuff now!

I thought about it for a few years and I kept putting off kept saying need to save more or it wasn’t the right time I guess it’s knowing you need to move and being ready to move. I started to look but nothing was saying to me that is your new home then last July I found what I was looking for and I moved 300 miles away near one of my sons into my bungalow best thing I ever did don’t know what took me so long lol just take that leap you won’t regret it

Our mother refused to move, and when she died aged 85 it fell to me to dismantle and sell my and my sisters' childhood home, a distressing job.
Some time before she died, I had already decided that I didn't want our children to have to do this after my death. DH and I put the family house on the market and downsized when he was 70 and I was 60.
Mother was upset; she had expected us to have her furniture eventually. I wanted to say that if she had downsized in her early 60s, we'd have been delighted, but it was TOO LATE.
Now widowed, I'm so glad I can stay in the downsized house, supported by established local friends and neighbours.

That's awful Casbe and MilestOne. To not even discuss it or consider it is so controlling. I think I would want to talk this over with a counsellor. Or Womens Aid. As a discussion. If one partner is insistent but takes no part in household or garden chores, then that is so unfair. To put such worries for the future on your shoulders is just unkind. I would be starting to review my marriage and my future.

We moved to our new home 3 years before we retired, our 4 bed detached house was too big for us after the children moved out and no longer suited our lifestyle. So we moved from having the biggest garden on the plot to a bungalow which had more of a courtyard vibe more suited to our advancing years.
The bungalow is also within easy walking distance to a bank of shops (mini supermarket, pharmacy, off licence, vets, doctors surgery, community centre) and on a bus route to our local hospital
I would recommend moving before you retire/whilst you are fit and healthy as no one knows what will happen in the future. Sadly even though we downsized we didn’t release any equity as the bungalow was more expensive than our old house, but I have no regrets having found the perfect forever home

I know it would be best to down size and move but can't bear the thought of possible 'bad' neighbours. Also I have so much wildlife surrounding me, peace and quiet. Luckily I still drive as there are no buses and shops, doctor, hospital just a mile away. I have rescued cats who are not street wise and would probably be killed if I moved from here. My huge is partly controlled by a gardener with some input from me. I think reading all the other comments, I will definitely stay put!!

We think about moving every couple of years. Not got round to it yet. Love our house absolutely love the area. No crime lovely neighbours very quiet. But the house is far too big for us two rattling around in it and c tax is mad! The thing that makes us hesitant is what about the neighbours what would they be like you just don’t know. We will have to give it some serious thought sooner rather than later. We have moved plenty of times and actually enjoy moving to dif areas. But to be honest it would make sense to downsize.

Oh how I sympathise with you. I am desperate to move but OH won’t even consider it. Living in a rural area with no neighbours, shops or any services. Property has 5 acres of land which is divided up into garden area, orchard and fields none of which are on the level. I do have someone in to help with managing the ‘natural areas’ but the gardens are left to me. OH has no interest in gardening but enjoys looking at the surrounding countryside through the window!!! Now 75 it’s all getting too much and I worry about the future re being able to drive and would really like to move whilst still fit and able and capable of making a good decision.

To be honest even if you don’t plan to move you should start a slow but steady declutter. Otherwise you are just delegating!

How do I persuade OH to move.? He says he likes it here. He has been told by a nurse to sit with his feet up. He ignores the advice to exercise his leg so lies in a reclining chair watching tv. I am fed up of taking food upstairs to the lounge, He won’t have a stair lift. The garden is a jungle. We have no close neighbours & I don’t know any one in the nearby town. Family don’t ring or visit. I spoke to the supermarket cashier and the telephone engineer last week. There are times I feel like moving on my own. Moan over.

I've been really interested to read all the comments on this thread as it's something I've been contemplating on and off over the last 12 mths.
DH passed away 2 yrs ago and we've lived in this house for 12 yrs. We spent 2 yrs looking for the right property when we returned from living abroad and it was really our dream home. Before that we moved from country to country and many times within the UK but any move now will have to be made on my own and it's such a huge decision to take. The garden is very big and although I have a gardener it's getting out of hand. There's a big problem coming up in the house in the near future and it's wearing me down. I don't have any neighbours to rely on and am a few miles outside a little village. When I stop driving it will be imperative to move (no public transport). I agree in principle with those who have said to make the move now as opposed to it being something that has to be done quickly and maybe without much choice of house or location but I've never done anything as big as this on my own. I remember all the dozens and dozens of houses we viewed before finding this one and how many of those I loved at the time and would have bought happily except that DH saw problems or didn't like them and in the end he was absolutely right. I just don't trust myself to make such a gigantic decision on my own. I admire all those GN'ers who have done this and wish I had your confidence, well done to you all.

Karmalady
I feel that I’m in the same position as you were.I was widowed 15 months ago aged 71.
We had been contemplating moving nearer to our daughters in South Gloucestershire but that had to be put on hold while he was ill . Do I’m now starting to look for somewhere that would have the amenities I will need over the next few active years . Maybe a high street , doctors etc . It’s all a bit daunting but I will do it .nirtb Somerset could be in my search range and you seem to have found just the place for you. I’d be grateful for any more detailed advice as to how you managed the search and the move . I’m lucky to have family who are keen to help in the search .