Hi! I’m just not sure how to deal with this type thing. Our son is 35 and his wife 32. They have been married ten years and have a 2 and 4 yr.old. When DIL works she has her mom watch the kids M-Th and I come in from three states away every 6 weeks to give her mom a break and then I get my time with them. DIL speaks to her mom daily. This was not the case before children. The whole issue is childcare. Her & my son don’t like the idea and don’t want to spend the $ as it’s expensive. I can understand this. When I have my week to visit I’m not allowed to drive the kids to a store or a Park. So we are stuck at the house. They don’t say why just make excuses. In the meantime her family is allowed to drive all over. They all have ADHD and make life chaotic all the time. It’s rather difficult to deal with. I’ve never been in a car accident and don’t have ADHD but it’s ok for me to go there, drive 6-7 hours through big traffic but I’m not allowed to have the kids in my car. I find out my DIL doesn’t like how I drive. No other reason. My husband and I have backed off some from discussions and even contact because we don’t want our son in the middle.
My DIL mother has caused many issues in her own family. She loves attention, manipulates, outright lies, and sees us all as competition. Who knows what BS she says to DI and our son! I was asked about four months ago about something her mother had said and after I explained what I knew, DIL basically accused me of lying because her mother would never do such and such. She was adamant I was lying, etc. I kept my cool though thinking of the kids and stated again it’s what I knew. Our son was not happy with her and called her out but she doubled down.
DIL admits her mother has mental health issues, makes excuses due to a poor upbringing etc. My thought was to shut myself down as I’m thinking so this is who you trust taking care of your children! Anyhow, she is smug now and did not apologize at all. Like dangling the grandchildren; they have the power, etc. How stupid. We have come to the conclusion we will never be close to our grandchildren as her and her mother won’t allow it. They will probably bad mouth us while they are growing up. Our son doesn’t want to talk about any of it. So I guess we see them whenever. I’m not willing to get hurt worse later in life when I’m so attached if that makes sense. How would other grandmothers react?
Germanshepherdsmum
Why do we get all these dil posts from the States?
I saw the long post, scrolled until I saw your comment and gave up. What is going on with these American dreadful MIL posts? What do people expect to gain by asking UK people for advice?
If they are actually in need of advice of course …
I have serious doubts about that, but what is the motive? Is there a forum somewhere with people laughing at the replies they get?
BlueBelle
And another one!! I wish we had one thread for all these almost identical post from the states then one answer would do them all
herewegoagaincrazy let me explain ….lately we have had quite a few (sometimes a week or so apart) long posts from a US poster with very very similar problems to yours sone of them have turned out to be past banned posters
Now presuming you are a genuine poster with a genuine problem I m sure you will get lots of good advice and I hope you manage to sort the problem out to everyone’s satisfaction
It’s not easy
Agreed.
Don't they have Gransnet or something similar in the States? As soon as I see the words "Mom" or "Gramma", I wonder ...
Doodledog
Germanshepherdsmum
Why do we get all these dil posts from the States?
I saw the long post, scrolled until I saw your comment and gave up. What is going on with these American dreadful MIL posts? What do people expect to gain by asking UK people for advice?
I feel sorry for posters who get this response. Why does it make a difference what country they are living in? I know some posters are in France, in Australia etc., and don't get dismissed like this.
These posters aren't some homogenised set of American mothers-in-law; like other nationalities they are individuals.
Maybe I'm naïve and there is a battalion of fake mothers-in-law lining up to send long messages to people on Gransnet; I doubt it though, and feel that if you don't believe it, just move on. How can you possibly know that a post isn't genuine? It must be heart-breaking for someone going through a painful situation to read some of these responses.
Some have been taken down by GN. Fake mothers in law and bots.
It’s also noticeable that many post, but never come back on their thread.
It doesn't make a difference which country people are in. It makes a difference that there are numerous threads started by younger women who have problems with outrageously unreasonable MsIL, described at great length, and also similar ones started by older women who have problems with their DsIL. Neither come back to post on their own threads.
I don't know what is going on, but I do know that on MN there are problems with people starting 'what do you think?' threads that go nowhere, and that the mods have asked to be alerted to them, so I assume that they are nefarious in some way.
I usually do scroll on, but just as you felt the need to comment on my post, in this instance I felt the need to comment too.
Perhaps the American grandmothers think they might get some sense!
Why involve yourself with the drama at all?
Go for your visits
Spend time with the children
This is not helping build trust to do more
Jaxjacky
It’s also noticeable that many post, but never come back on their thread.
And that many of them are started at half term🤔
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