When is a budget wedding not a budget wedding?

I suppose, CrazyH, at least there were no bridesmaid complaints!

Unbelievably it's 27 years since my daughter got married. She was in London and came back down to Cornwall to ask if we could organise a wedding for her in two months. Her fiance was divorced so we were a bit limited, but we sorted a church blessing after register office.and a nightclub she had worked for provided a room for the reception (which they decorated with daffodils) She came down one weekend and we went to look for a dress. Found a beautiful cream dress in Monsoon for £90, no bridesmaids so that was one less thing to worry about. I made the cake and her brother and I produced a buffet lunch. The only near disaster was her hair. Our village hairdresser refused to do it because she couldn't do a trial run. I managed to book one of the hairdressers in town but, when she turned up on the morning of the wedding they had lost the booking! Fortunately they managed to squeeze her in and she looked lovely. It was all done on the tiniest of shoe strings but everyone had a great time and as \\\\\\\\\\\\\\i said it's lasted 27 years so far.

eazybee

Have I got this right?
The bridesmaids are expected to set up the Reception, presumably decorations, organising of furniture and laying of tables before the wedding day, then return the day after the wedding and clear everything away, and provide their own transport for the privilege of doing so.
What are the caterers doing? Who is the washing up, packing away and return of china, linen etc ?
Not on, and the bride needs telling.

Yup!
I don't know the details but I gather that there will be a pizza van and the four BMs (there were five but one dropped out - I can't imagine why) are expected to serve pizzas and drinks. I don't know what other food will be available. And yes, they will be setting up tables etc. and clearing away.
Yes, I agree the bride should be told. I believe the fifth (ex)bridesmaid tried but let's just say the bride played the victim card.

Carenza123

Cabbie21 describes my ideal wedding. A simple church ceremony or registry office. Reception at a village hall or other function room with friends and family contributing - sounds great. I don’t understand all this bridezilla behaviour at all and it is very selfish behaviour.

Exactly the wedding DS and DDil had. Married in the church she worshiped in, she put her bouquet on her fathers grave afterwards. Reception in a village hall, family and friends setting the venue up and decorating and returning the following day to clear up.

They had a performance poet (a friend) as the master of cermonies. We rented a large house for the long weekend and provided bed and spread for a collection of people, which varied from night to night, including the best man and family, relations and friends.

They have been married over 20 years now.

who is doing washing up etc?

Have I got this right?
The bridesmaids are expected to set up the Reception, presumably decorations, organising of furniture and laying of tables before the wedding day, then return the day after the wedding and clear everything away, and provide their own transport for the privilege of doing so.
What are the caterers doing? Who is the washing up, packing away and return of china, linen etc ?
Not on, and the bride needs telling.

Cabbie21 describes my ideal wedding. A simple church ceremony or registry office. Reception at a village hall or other function room with friends and family contributing - sounds great. I don’t understand all this bridezilla behaviour at all and it is very selfish behaviour.

NotSpaghetti

Thinking of that keepingquiet I did go to a community hall wedding some years ago.
Everyone in the family and close friends brought the food, a friend made the cake, many of us stayed behind to tidy up and a few went back the next morning to do a "clean" in the daylight.

It was a really joyful event and it was a privilege to share that day with them.

It depends what your priorities are. As I said it is now a global industry- almost all wedding dresses are made in China. There is too much at stake for investors to let go and people don't realise they can have lovely weddings as the one you described above, for very little.
It is all about the bling. I blame Princess Diana- it was all very low key until she married Prince Charles! Haha- only joking but I do think the whole Royal Wedding thing sparked it off.

The bride must be a very trusting and self confident person. I'd worry that the bridesmaids didn't do something they were supposed to, or had a few drinks and copped off with someone, so nothing got done.

hamster58

I'm not sure the cost of this wedding and whether it's considered budget or not is the crux of this....it's more about a bride thinking that her wedding day entitles her to feel more important than all those 'friends' and to use others without thinking about them at all! Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but it doesn't sound like a very kind person....

Thank you hamster58 I think you have hit the nail on the head for me. I understand that it should be the bride's day and as enjoyable as possible but not at the expense, not just financially, of the bridesmaids. The bride is not a close friend but she and my daughter go back a long way so my daughter feels obliged to go through with it. I gather they no longer have much in common. Judging from this and previous behaviour, I don't think the bride is a very kind person either.

I am watching a bit of American television and it seems that it’s normal there for the bride to select what she wants the bridesmaids to wear, but for them to pick up the cost of their own outfits.
In this instance, it’s not the cost of the wedding. The point is the attitude of the bride, which quite frankly is unacceptable.

But these are the very tasks that bridesmaids have been expected t o do for centuries all over the world!

I admit, it is a departure from British or American tradition to expect the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, shoes and hair-dos, but this is common in other countries.

If the bridesmaids don't want to do all this, then it is up to them to say so.

I cannot work out whether the OP is complaining on her own or her daughter's behalf, but sour grapes spring to mind!

NotSphaghetti - mine too - my d.I.l.’s parents spent about £25000 on her wedding. Only child, so understable. My contribution was £1500 towards the evening buffet. My ex-husband contributed (not a lot, as I remember).
Anyway, they are still together after 10 years, and hopefully , for a very very long time.

It sounds all rather involved and complicated, I do hope all goes well.

May daughter had a fantastic wedding. Registry office with just close family, pub laid on a lovely lunch afterwards- weather good enough to be outdoors.
The following weekend they had a party for friends and family in the meadow at the back of their house. They hired a marquee and portaloos, friends did decorations, DJ and entertainment, a pizza van came in the evening. It was all low budget but could not have been nicer. Some people camped overnight.
My daughter did go to the “ extravagance” of a different dress for each occasion.
I cannot see the point of excessively expensive weddings - more than the deposit on a house, but taking advantage of the bridesmaids is just not on, unless they knew what was expected and agreed beforehand.

M0nica

One thing I have noticed as I have gone through life is that, with a few exceptions, there is an inverse relationship between the cost of the wedding and the durability of the ensuing marriage.

That's so true M0nica! One wedding I went to was videoed and the video passed round the family. By the time it got to me the couple were separating!!

Thinking of that keepingquiet I did go to a community hall wedding some years ago.
Everyone in the family and close friends brought the food, a friend made the cake, many of us stayed behind to tidy up and a few went back the next morning to do a "clean" in the daylight.

It was a really joyful event and it was a privilege to share that day with them.

I'm not sure the cost of this wedding and whether it's considered budget or not is the crux of this....it's more about a bride thinking that her wedding day entitles her to feel more important than all those 'friends' and to use others without thinking about them at all! Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but it doesn't sound like a very kind person....

It is an industry that employs a great many people. We have fed the beast I'm afraid.
Gone are the days when we married in our local church, had the reception in the local hall or club, hired the dresses and suits, and had the local caterers provide the food.
I don't know what people expected when the flood gates were opened that enabled the licensing of marriages in public places.
People do have choices, maybe this young woman is just exercising her right to make her own decisions about what people are telling her is 'her' day.

M0nica - I do hope my son and his bride are the exception that proves the rule!
They spent a lot on their wedding.
😱

Theexwife

Why has this been reported?

Sorry. I've posted this on the wrong thread!

I reported something else.
Had 2 windows open!
Apologies all!

One thing I have noticed as I have gone through life is that, with a few exceptions, there is an inverse relationship between the cost of the wedding and the durability of the ensuing marriage.

Theexwife

Maybe your daughter should not be involved in the wedding if she can be so negative about her friend behind her back, nobody has to do the brides bidding.

Budget is relative, £10,000 is a lot to some nothing to others.

Do I detect the fluttering of a Harpy's wings, again.

I think you are missing the point. My daughter is not snarking behind the bride's back. She has not mentioned this to anyone apart from me and I think she is entitled to vent to her mother as the bride's behaviour is upsetting her.
The point, that I obviously failed to make, was that large amounts of money are being spent in some areas of the wedding but the bridesmaids are are expected not only provide their own dresses etc. but also stand in as unpaid staff. If this really were a budget wedding the bride would not be splashing so much cash on various other things.

Why has this been reported?

Bumface

It sounds as though your daughter and her partner are all set for a very nice day and nobody is being exploited.

I wish them both all the best for Sept 1st. I hope you and all the guests have an enjoyable day too.

Thank you so much