Meeting new people who only talk about themselves

We should keep this thread going as a,way of keeping Optomistic1 company.

Reminds me of an exchange between two characters on a TV show.

Character 1: Only you would choose this situation to talk about yourself

Character 2: Well who else would I talk about!

I remember going to a function and found myself sat next to a man who was a keen archer. He talked for the entire meal about his hobby, I must have put on a good pretense of interest because as the event ended he suggested I should join his club as I "was obviously so interested"

luluaugust

I think I’m with Rocky I go into Miss Marple mode and it is amazing what people will tell you if you just let them talk, I think I have one of those faces!!
I can also hold a really good conversation about the weather.
I would look for another person in the room on their own or looking how you feel and chat to them.

That's me. I like the phrase 'Miss Marple' mode as it is polite yet suits the situation.
'

That's such a shame Optomistic1 , I'm recently back from a wonderful solos holiday where everyone got on well and there were great conversations. I did go on another one where it went into the very outgoing group and the very quiet group and a few of us flitted between the two.
I think you'll find a few of the others are actually feelilng the same about the ones who are dominating and I hope your group leader noticed and helps you in the next few days.

I learnt long ago people like to talk about themselves , so often let them get on with it . One of my friends and my sister - it doesn’t matter what you say they always go off talking about their similar situation at great length . If I am told by sister or hubby yet again how hard they have worked and deserved what they have , mega hols etc gonna tell them off as sounds so patronising. I did say “ dongg try nurses and teachers work hard?” Hoping they will take the hint . Thank you for listening ! 👍😀

My step son in law once accused me of only talking about myself and my family, so the next time we were together I just listened and did very little talking and I realised that because they were a family, they talked about things that had happened within the family - past and present and not much else! So if the conversation is on families then the only way I could possibly join in (as an outsider) was with similar stories from my own family!
I felt vindicated, however, I now only speak about my family when specifically asked! (And yes! I find their conversations incredibly isolating - but I am too polite to say so!)

Don’t take it personally, just smile and listen. They are probably not the type you’re hoping to build a friendship with. Bide your time and someone on your wavelength will strike up a proper conversation

They suffer from verbal diarrhoea

Hi Optomistic1 First off well done for venturing on a solo holiday- it’s quite a challenge isn’t it?! When Im on a solo holiday and out on one of the organised trips I try and position myself with different fellow travellers as we wander around (on an organised day trip for example) so when it comes to ‘the meal’ I‘m usually not alongside the same person. I’ve just found it works for me and certainly by 2nd/3rd day I’ve generally got an idea ‘who to avoid’

My husband and I have noticed this increasingly. He is a very good conversationalist, and can chat away to anyone and always asks them about themselves as he is genuinely interested in people and their lives. However more and more he says people don’t ask him anything at all about himself. I was recently at an event stuck next to a woman who talked about herself for over an hour and never even asked me my name. Couldn’t get a word in edge ways!
Maybe as we age some of us see less people so need to off load when we do? It definitely isnt just you who feels this way, so don’t be downhearted!

I went on my first cruise this year (by myself.) Met loads of other people, most of them wanted to tell me about every cruise ship they’d ever been on. Think I’m done with cruising now. I’d rather just travel around the UK on my own, visiting interesting towns. I often meet people on trains who are interesting to talk to.

I can’t understand people always talking about themselves. I know about me. I want to hear about the other person.

I was reading on another forum how some folks consider "opener" questions like "do you have children" or "what do you do for a living" intrusive! If you ask about children and the person may be childfree or unable to have children it can (apparently) come across as judgemental. Same if the person is not currently working.

We navigate the social world by sorting people into categories and these kinds of questions were hitherto regarded as safe. You would not directly ask someone "how much do you earn" or "what political party do you vote for".
So openers about family or occupation have always been regarded as pretty safe.

No longer it seems. Some people are in the business of being offended.

PamelaJ1

We had a woman at an event recently. We are going to call her Mrs. Kipling from now on. I believe she makes exceedingly good cakes and can spot one with cornflour and baking powder from a mile away!
Anyway we were treated to a masterclass in cake making and my colleague (whose business is making cakes) managed to smile and nod in all the right places.

My gal pal and I were just talking about folks who go on and on about a certain topic while the REAL EXPERT just sits quietly ~~~ LOLOLOL ..... It's rather an inside joke with us. Wink/Wink

travelsafar

If people go on a solo holiday it's usually because they are single.
Therefore they only have themself to talk about and there opinions to express. What else are they going to talk about?? They could also be anxious and feel like they have to keep the conversation going or as someone else said perhaps they are lonely and don't get out much so go into overdrive trying to appear interesting to others. They could of course just be selfish rude people. 🤔🤔

I was going to say that, too. I don’t really socialise much these days but when I did I suffered from verbal diahorrea purely from nervousness and then afterwards feel awful that I hadn’t asked people about themselves. I also agree that they could just be selfish and rude!

First of all, well done you for taking the plunge to go on holiday alone. I've been thinking about one of these solo holidays but haven't had the nerve to do anything about it.
Is there any chance that these people might be very nervous and the chat about themselves is their way of coping? Have you tried talking to any of these dominant chatterers one on one to see if maybe they show a different side of their personalities?
I think the best advice, as others have said, is to approach a couple of quieter members of the group and make companions of them if possible. Hopefully things will improve and I hope you find some enjoyment on holiday.

Sorry you are not enjoying your holiday. This is probably why these people are single! They are crashing, arrogant bores. If there is a tour leader with you, perhaps you could ask if you could be paired up with someone who is interested in other people. I hope you have a good book you can read. You are bound to be interrupted if that is the case!

I went abroad for the first time in 1976, and I went alone. have to say it was the best thing I ever did. I was with a group of others of a similar age, and there wasn't one person who behaved like that.

Talking about ones self at length seems to be a symptom of old age, when you have lived so many years of a very interesting life and you have to tell everyone you meet, and no-one you meet could possibly have had such an extraordinary life. Well - those talkers haven't learned the art of making friends.

Wear a tiny badge, asking -
"Now I know a little bit about
you....would you now like to listen? "
Point your finger casually at it, if it doesn't look like they've noticed.

If they don't want to look or
listen - you know what to do next..

Iv done solo hols and solo on own hols. I prefer with others as can take it or leave it but know there's company if needed, it doesn't concern me if others chat about themselves I respond accordingly and mention about me too I think it's true it can be from a nervousness .... I find that once you are out and about looking at sites whatever, the conversation improves as you discuss the sites

....looking beyond the initial intros often at mealtimes, you can even click with someone
I had a great laugh with a fellow traveller and had a companion at a bar after etc. Go for it.

Ps 😀. Maybe smile and nod. Be friendly

Thank you once again everyone for your such kind comments. I laughed out loud about the interesting facts one and the people who were Nobel peace winners!!! Maybe I should make something up!

Anyway largely thanks to you kind people I feel much better today and have taken on board your advice and ‘aligned’ myself to a quieter normal lady who is lovely. I have managed to avoid the loud mouths so far today ( interesting enough one of the, loves to talk publicly about her known mental health problems!) . We are only on day 3 and the group is going through the norm in formin stormin stages and the tour guide can see what is happening I think.
I just didn’t think a solo holiday would be this stressful! I will stick to a cruise or hotel on my own next time. Like many of you am quite happy with my own company but just thought this would take me out of my comfort zone ( which it has)

I am turning it into a positive and being grateful for the fact that for a week I don’t need to cook, wash etc and am being very well looked after and eating lovely food. Thank again everyone.

my reply to the comment re the gravy person would have been that I can tell rude and arrogant people from one sentence!!

I had a so called friend like that. In the end I gave up on her after giving it a year, I tried very hard. But was so annoying as when I was speaking she would cut you dead and go back to her again. To be honest I don’t know why I even gave it a year. 🤣🤣