Amusing things that children say.

My youngest daughter is famed in the family for mixing up her words. As a child she once stood up in class and informed the teacher that an octopus had eight testicles!

She also described us as her intermediate family and once told us that a friend hadn’t battered an eyelash.

Clawdy

Many years ago we were being shown round a historic old church by an elderly lady volunteer who said to the children in the group: "This is Jesus's house."
As we walked past the toilet on the way in, my five year old son asked excitedly "Is that where Jesus does a wee-wee?"

I am still giggling about this.

My Daughter was around
three and newly enrolled at pre-school nursery. She came home one day and piped up 'Mummy, I know how to tell the differences between boys and girls'. Do you? I asked with trepidation. 'Yes' she said proudly, 'If you are a girl your hair grows long, but if you are a boy it stays short'
One relieved Mummy

I apparently wrote in my “news” book at Primary School, “I’ve been to more pubs than my cousin Jane”

My friend and former neighbour, when our children were all very small, was a qualified nursery nurse and liked to remind people frequently.
One day they were doing arts and crafts at home with cardboard boxes, paint, sellotape etc and her daughter made a wonderful creation.
When her mum asked what it was, she said the name of a local pub.
My friend was mortified, but saw the joke 😂

Kate1949 having had a family wedding in April, with thirteen children including our three year old grandson, I can sympathise 😬🤦

Over 30 years ago, in a long, non moving queue at Boots the Chemist, while the till operator changed the till receipt, my young daughter announced in a VERY loud voice...
"Mummy, you've got a bogey up your nose".

In the car with my 5 year old daughter in the back seat and one of my good friends sitting beside me in the front. I had just picked said daughter up from school.

"Mummy, a naughty boy called me the 'C' word today."

Trying to distract her, I asked her what else she had done at school, but not to be deterred she ..."I can spell it if you want, he called me a......."

We both froze in the front seats as she completed the sentence,
"C.....O....W!"

Phew, that was a close one!

My DGS, who lives in NZ, was on the long flight back for a visit when aged 2½ stood up in his seat and said loudly "I want to get off"
There was an immediate response from everyone in surrounding seats of
"So do we!"

My OH's father worked as a settling instructor for a well-known betting shop chain. They lived in Holloway in North London.

In his weekly news book he wrote, "My dad goes to the horse races and my Mum is in Holloway!"

Just today I was waiting in a pharmacy and a Mum and a girl of about 7 ran in from the rain. The girl was wearing a long white dress, red sash and a gold tiara type thing. I said “oh a Princess” She said “a Roman goddess actually.” Her Mum said “Roman day at school today.” 😂

Primrose, that really made me laugh! Reminds me of the time when my DD, aged about 3, was humming a tune in her pushchair while we were out shopping. A lady nearby said, "Oh, that's lovely, are you singing a nursery rhyme?" DD replied , "No, it's Tchaikovksy!" We only had one classical LP in our collection at the time and it was the Nutcracker Suite, which she loved listening to

I went with DD1 to collect DGS6 from preschool for the first time on that one sunny day we had recently. His key worker told him Mummy had arrived and oh, who’s that with her? I don’t know, he replied, and kept insisting he didn’t know who I was. When we got home later he announced that he hadn’t recognised me in my summer dress with my bra strap showing. The boy has standards and I obviously don’t live up to them!

Looking at my middle daughter’s written work displayed for all to see, it was ‘about my dad’. ….. He’s the sort of dad who makes you eat your leeks. Exit one pink faced father!

Mouse

My youngest daughter is famed in the family for mixing up her words. As a child she once stood up in class and informed the teacher that an octopus had eight testicles!

She also described us as her intermediate family and once told us that a friend hadn’t battered an eyelash.

You reminded me of when I went to see my friend and her little GD was with her.

I noticed that my friend's car, which was parked in her drive, had a dent in the back so I asked her what had happened.
Little GD piped up "Granny backed into a bollock".

A young mum was taking her little daughter to her own mother's house, who had recently died. On entering the property the little girl asked where her granny was. "She doesn't
live here anymore, she's gone to live in Heaven" said mum. "Well I hope it isn't raining there, because she's left her umbrella behind" was the reply.

My Mother was horrified to read in my news book at a parents evening that "the rozzers came to my house and took my brother away then i went to prison to visit him"

I love that grannypiper 🤣🤣🤣

My youngest Grandson when he was about five asked my daughter in law why ladies had boobs but men didn't, my daughter in law told him that when ladies had babies they had milk in them to feed the babies, his reply "well when they've finished with them why don't they give them back", she didn't have an answer.

When I had to tell my 4 year old grandson off he smirked so I asked him 'ok so what is funny then'. He answered saying 'a pig on a trampoline?'

Dear son aged about 6
"Is it true bees make honey?"
Me. Busy getting lunch. "Yes."
DS. "Oh. I suppose wasps make jam then?"
Me. "Er no..its not quite like that". I explain jam making.
DS. "Oh you do know a lot Mummy."
Me. "Thank you. I'm not just a pretty face!"
DS. Quick as a flash. "You're not even that!"

He is 63 today!!!

I worked with children and have so many funny stories. One day I was picking a little girl up from school when a very fancy funeral went by. She asked where the bridesmaids were! When my daughter was a toddler my mum commented "hasn't she got sturdy legs". My daughter indignantly said "I haven't got dirty legs"!

My DGD loves prawn cottontail Pringles.

I sympathise. My daughter stood up once and announced to the church congregation, “ I am going home. I’m finished with Jesus.”

Years ago I was writing on an early (1980s) computer/word processor while my 6-year-old sat quietly at a table reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. After a few minutes my son enquired, "Mum, do you think CS Lewis wrote this on a computer?" Carrying on typing, I responded with "Oh, no - computers weren't invented then. He probably would've written it by hand." A minute's silence followed and then I turned round to find him peering closely at the page "...... he's got awfully neat handwriting"!

I love this thread. When my grandson was small my daughter asked if she could have a kiss but he said ‘no’. When she asked why, he said he didn’t have any kisses left in his mouth🤣.