Invisibility cloak

Germanshepherdsmum... I don't (normally) wear make-up - but I don't wear beige or a granny-hairdo either!

GSM 🤣🤣🤣
Well that’s not me.

I think it's all about height. As I've got older I've shrunk but never was particularly tall. Tall people get attended to first.
I think it's because, subliminally, taller people represent parents so we must defer to them.
Try wearing a hat and high heels next time and see what happens.

I get ignored unless I make a proper effort with my appearance.
People don't notice an elderly woman on her own. I don't think I would have noticed when I was younger.

Germanshepherdsmum

NotSpaghetti

Am I the only one who hasn't noticed this?

I have never experienced this. Are the invisible posters sporting granny hairdos, beige clothes, no makeup?

Even if they were is that any excuse to ignore them? I find it insulting that women are expected to wear makeup as if our natural looks aren't sufficient.

As we age our features and skin colour fade along with our hair.

Rosie51

Germanshepherdsmum

NotSpaghetti

Am I the only one who hasn't noticed this?

I have never experienced this. Are the invisible posters sporting granny hairdos, beige clothes, no makeup?

Even if they were is that any excuse to ignore them? I find it insulting that women are expected to wear makeup as if our natural looks aren't sufficient.

I have long grey hair, don't wear make up and look as if I have fallen out of the 70s and loving it. But, I do tend to give a friendly wave with a smile to the serveur or serveuse in any eatery if requiring to place an order.

Germanshepherdsmum

As we age our features and skin colour fade along with our hair.

Which is why we still talk on GN about using make up, and colouring hair.
The doors I mentioned have ignored me since I was in my twenties.

I'm surprised at all of you who say you've never experienced it. I thought it was normal. Even when I'm out with my DH we are studiously ignored.

Do you look like two old people?

Oh yes - doors and other electronic barriers. That's when I really do believe in the invisibility cloak.

No, it has never happened to me, I am shown to my table and given a menu and the waitress then takes my order.

I am one of the old brigade that gets dressed up when I go out for the day, makeup, dress nicely etc. and says please and thank you to the staff.

If I was ignored, I would never sit there saying nothing, I would catch the eye of a waitress/waiter and politely tell them that I hadn't received a menu yet. There is no way I would sit there saying nothing. I went to the cafe to spend my money and so expect decent service.

I was completely ignored once when I was standing at a counter to buy some vacuum cleaner bags.
I went over to look at some expensive TVs and someone was there in a flash to serve me. He didn't look pleased when I asked for the bags!

Well done farmgran, good ploy. When I’m in the company of my offspring I’ve noticed that they are the ones who are addressed now ahead of me……definitely an age thing and I’m only in my sixties.

So as a woman you have to be wear bright colours and make up to be noticed? Wow. I too have experienced this - especially when waiting at the bar amongst young attractive (and tall!) people. I also think that when I’m on my own the waiting and any poor service seems worse, as there’s no one to moan to. Oh for the days when I turned heads when I walked into a room - make up or no make up 😂

I am about 5 ft 6in have white hair and have very little problem like this. That is partly because I have travelled and lived abroad and travelled with family and on my own. I am polite and do not think that I am entitled to be served before my turn because of my age ither. So as I am an eldest child I was always the one delegated to get things for my sister etc from the earliest age. I used to have real copper hair and stand no nonsense. One useful thing is that as a lecturer and also having acted I have a voice that carries . So I have a selection of things that I do. Firstly if I am ignored and someone who has come into the restaurant after me is being served, I dont need to shout but can say in a clear carrying voice " I think I was here first and you need to take my order (or give me a menu or whatever) I look at them without blinking, say nothing else, but continue to look at them in a straightforward way, neither shouting or looking angry but making it clear that I expect to be replied to etc. I was head of the communications for a large company and once was taking a computer service chap to lunch as he had been very helpful in a difficult situation. I had rung and booked the table. When the waiter came up to us, he spoke to the man, not me, offered the wine for him to try etc. Again in quite a clear voice that could be heard round the whole place, I just said, you seem to be under the illusion that this gentleman made the booking. You are mistaken and this is my booking. He looked quite red and I made no further comment at the time but held out my hand for the menu or whatever. He even still started to give the bill to the man but a clear look from me had him turning red again and bringing it to me. I paid the bill and said goodbye to my guest. Then turned back into the restaurant and asked to see the manager. I told him that I might give them one more chance but if ever I booked a meal and was treated like this again, not only would I personally not go there again, but I would ensure that they lost all the business from my firm. We need to stop this sort of behaviour and if we just let them carry on without challenging it they will continue to do so. I never swear and always try to make sure that if there is a need to complain that I do so to the correct person. Whilst it is annoying that waiting staff treat you with disdain you need to speak to the manager or owner of the place as it is there basic fault. They are responsible for training their staff and if this is not done properly they should be told of it. When I once had a similar situation when dining alone , I spoke to the manager who was very off hand , did not really even apologise for the poor service , so I then told him that my husband worked for a company that had up to that time used their place quite often. i was often included as I had the languages to speak to foreign visitors. That I would not be coming to his place again and so any time I was requested to be available I would make sure that we did not go to his place. What a sudden change of attitude there was! Not that it di him any good. As I promised we never used his restaurant again where I was concerned and he probably lost quite a bit of money. Never make idle threats , but do as you say you will. At the very least they will think twice before behaving in that way again. Of course at the same time when you find a well run place where you are treated with respect definitely pass them on to others and give them your custom. At 79 now, I have not changed one bit when it comes to being treated properly , but of course I am very happy to thank people for good service. Especially if they do something extra from their own efforts. So just last week I sent an email to Cafe Nero, to tell them how very good their staff were in the Thirsk branch. They are always pleasant and helpful but on this day my back was very painful and I was having difficulty walking. They know me there and a member of staff came round and took my cup etc and went to get my coffee so that I did not have to go to the counter. She could see I was struggling and I appreciated her help on this occasion. So I sent an email to the head office, they replied saying they were pleased with my email and that the area manager would be telling the staff there. So to me that is as important to recognise good in what people do and make sure that that gets noticed too. I intend to remain my stroppy self until the day I die!!! Join me and dont be taken for granted.

I have frequently taken male clients to lunch or dinner and never found it necessary to belittle waiting staff when they assumed my clients were choosing the wine or paying the bill. It has always been my experience that you achieve far more with some feminine charm than by being a strident feminist. I never leave home without some eye makeup and I don’t style my hair or dress as an old lady. A nice smile is a great asset too.

I don't wear makeup, lipstick, perfume, hair dye or bright clothing. I make eye contact and have a smile and no one ignores me. I think eye contact is the key to getting service.

I do think a proper invisibility cloak would be great fun and I thought this post was going to be about donning one. Oh, what a time I would have, out and about, wearing my special cloak.

I would not want the kind of cloak the Spanish Emperor wore in his town procession.

Agree 100% with madeleine45

Im 5 ft 8 ins so taller than quite a lot of men and I make sure I am seen and heard. I was also in management and lecturing so I know how to make my voice carry. I dont hesitate to tell people that I am next.

feminine charm !! Bit sexist!

And should one choose to “dress as an old lady” (perhaps because one has health issues that make it difficult to wear trendy clothes) that shouldn’t automatically mean being ignored in restaurants.

Not sexist at all. And I haven’t mentioned trendy clothes as I don’t wear fast fashion. However if you dress to be invisible don’t be surprised if you are treated accordingly.

Germanshepherdsmum

Not sexist at all. And I haven’t mentioned trendy clothes as I don’t wear fast fashion. However if you dress to be invisible don’t be surprised if you are treated accordingly.

I will go out in my clown suit from now on! What a silly comment.

I first realised I was socially invisible when I was registering as a mature student on a course. I was in my late thirties and the other students were fresh out of college.
I had always considered my self a friendly, sociable person and would talk to anyone in a queue- but something made me realise it wasn't that the kids were ignoring me, they were just so busy eyeing up each other they just didn't see me!
Later on, I formed sometimes lasting friendships with a few of them so I feel it is an instant judgement thing I think we all make.
A few years later I challenged a young man serving at a bar who had completely ignored me and served several others first. He was genuinely shocked when I asked him if I was invisible to him, and admitted he hadn't noticed me!
Now I don't put up with being ignored and mention it straight away if I feel I have been overlooked. I am not small, certainly don't wear beige clothes (but why should that matter)? I consider myself to be someone worthy of attention if I'm spending money somewhere.
If it happens to you, you will know what this post is about. If not then it may happen to you. Just speak about it to the person who has ignored you and don't make a fuss. I am sure there are people we pass and don't notice all the time!

LucyAnna2

*feminine charm* !! Bit sexist!

And should one choose to “dress as an old lady” (perhaps because one has health issues that make it difficult to wear trendy clothes) that shouldn’t automatically mean being ignored in restaurants.

I thought this when I was fifteen and my dad said my outfit was "not very feminine". I was wearing some old trousers and a shirt that had belonged to my older brother. We were about to go on a longish cycle ride.

I said: "I don't have to try to be feminine; I'm feminine by definition."

My dad, being a philosopher, accepted my point. I should have used female instead of feminine but at fifteen.....

Anyway, I've never felt invisible whatever I've been wearing be it total scruffs or a ball gown for Scottish dancing (proper dancing, not ceilidh).

I wasn’t keen on the idea that you can achieve far more with some feminine charm than by being a strident feminist