Invisibility cloak

Ask the question of a man.

LucyAnna2

I wasn’t keen on the idea that you can *achieve far more with some feminine charm than by being a strident feminist*

Take out the words "feminine" and "a feminist."
Charm can work much better than being strident, whoever you are 😉

Indeed it can.

Ive never had this problem fortunately, it must be rather disconcerting.
I am however 5’ 11”, don’t wear beige or make up, but am quite capable of speaking out in a discreet, but insistent manner if required.

What is an “old lady hairdo”, please?

One thing is that we all become invisible even to our former friends upon a bereavement, especially, when one is widowed, as folk just do not know what to say to one.

Another factor is that single women eating in public have always tended to be parked at the most out-of-the-way-table and then ignored.

There is only one remedy: speak up for yourself. If someone is served before you, say. "Excuse me, I came first." If waiters ignore you, signal again and if told "that's not my table" then ask for the person whose table it is to have his elbow jogged.

If you want your plate removed, ask, or simply get to your feet. The waitress will come fast enough if she thinks you are trying to leave without pay.ing. More politely, you could ask fairly loudly for your bill.

Germanshepherdsmum

Ask the question of a man.

Why?

grandtanteJE65

One thing is that we all become invisible even to our former friends upon a bereavement, especially, when one is widowed, as folk just do not know what to say to one.

Another factor is that single women eating in public have always tended to be parked at the most out-of-the-way-table and then ignored.

There is only one remedy: speak up for yourself. If someone is served before you, say. "Excuse me, I came first." If waiters ignore you, signal again and if told "that's not my table" then ask for the person whose table it is to have his elbow jogged.

If you want your plate removed, ask, or simply get to your feet. The waitress will come fast enough if she thinks you are trying to leave without pay.ing. More politely, you could ask fairly loudly for your bill.

The first paragraph - again, I was not ignored when my husband died. I had read that people were ignored, but I found it was not true in my case. People I didn’t know well just said “I’m so sorry”, and friends were wonderfully helpful.

LucyAnna2

I wasn’t keen on the idea that you can *achieve far more with some feminine charm than by being a strident feminist*

I have zero feminine charm. I think I know what it is but I'm pretty sure I don't have any. I seem to have got by without it.

I was in some public toilets recently washing my hands. A teenage girl came out of one of the other toilets, stood right beside me to get soap, then shoved her hands over mine under the tap to wash them. There were six or seven other taps she could have used.

I was a bit taken aback and initially said 'Excuse me???' then when she shoved her hands above mine shouted 'Oyyyy!' in her ear. Not a blink, not a sign that she could even see me or hear me.

Went out and said to MrA 'Am I invisible?? Am I really here?? Can you see me??'

How odd. At the very least extremely rude.

My BEST experience was a family celebration in an Italian restaurant with all my family - children, their spouses and several grandchildren. The Italian service staff treated me like royalty -or rather like the matriarch of the dynasty.

Read a very interesting piece about a journalist who had spent time with Marilyn Monroe, their first meeting was at a restaurant.

Despite his best efforts he was late arriving and was astonished to find her sitting waiting quietly in a corner, completely alone and unnoticed. They had lunch and all through lunch she was left in peace. She was warm and friendly, in what he later described as her "Norma Jean Mode".

Then, just as they were about to leave the restaurant, she suddenly changed into "Marilyn" and all at once everyone became aware of her and she was mobbed. He said it was astonishing, as if she had just turned on a light switch.

I don't know if we mere mortals could achieve the same feat but I think it has something to do with image projection, posture, body language, and confidence.

If you watch gorillas you can always spot the senior alpha male, it's all in their posture and movement, they exude power and authority. And they don't need clothing to do it.

I think height can be an advantage.

I have never been ignored but I think that might be because I was 5ft 7. Also I had it drilled into me to stand straight and have good posture. Add 3 inch heels when I was younger and I was probably quite impressive and not easily overlooked.

I am now 5ft 6 and can only wear smaller heels, 2" max. But I still have good posture and I think my pure white hair also makes me stand out.

Standing to one's full height, head held up and shoulders back can make a huge difference in how we are perceived. Slouching can easily lose you a couple inches.

You can also use clothing to make oneself look taller and move impressive. Top to toe one colour dressing, well fitted tailoring with coats and jackets that have structured shoulders all help the illusion of height.

And of course colour can help, Especially in the winter when often all we see is a sea of black, grey and navy. A red or winter white coat or jacket will make you stand out from the crowd and get you noticed.

One thing is that we all become invisible even to our former friends upon a bereavement, especially, when one is widowed, as folk just do not know what to say to one.

Not if the friends are good enough. I have 'withdrawn' a bit from my work mates since my daughter died earlier this year. I need the space. I'm an introvert anyway though not unsociable (people often misunderstand introversion). My work-mates have been universally supportive without being pushy. They are worth their weight in gold (and more!) as the saying goes.

That said, the death of a child is not widowhood, nor vice versa.

I don't think my mum felt invisible after mt dad died. I got the impression her friends were as true as ever.