Feeling adrift

I am in a small town and 2 years ago joined a writing group in my local library. It's free. I knew no one but was welcomed with warm open arms. There are about 9 of us ladies though gents are welcome, sometimes just 4. We meet every Tuesday 12.30 - 2.30 and chat as much as we write. The topics give voice to varied discussions. Sometimes we go for coffee afterwards. They are all now friends and I also now know all of the library staff very well. I'd never written before. It's fun. No pressure. See what your library has to offer. Ours also has the usual knit and matter plus others.

Thank you. I spent years pushing for all sorts for my parents over medical issues. Somehow it seems harder to do it for myself.

gentleshores I am glad that Stanmore had useful advice on the website.
Just one last point - about being dismissed by doctors - this seems to be common. It’s not just you I promise….

Thank you both. I think partly why I felt stuck with what to do in life was because I needed the medical issues dealing with, rather than just keep trying to muddle on in pain :-) But yes I should try and get involved in something rather than just domestic life and medical appointments.

Thank you for the tip about Stanmore hospital - I'll look into it. I did find a knee forum! And asked for a Consultant recommendation on there in my area and got one. But I'm looking at all options now.

It's just not acceptable being dismissed when you need help. If you had a broken leg they'd do something wouldn't they?

Is there a leisure centre near you? I go to one about half an hour drive from me and use their assisted exercise machines. Some people suggest walking but walking any distance is difficult as I have arthritis in my spine but I find assisted exercising makes me feel better and more mobile. I also volunteer and make cakes for a church cafe

I don’t know if you are anywhere near North London but Stanmore Orthopaedic Hospital does seem to have a very good reputation for its surgery. It does take private patients but it is NHS funded although there is a waiting list.

Thanks all. I self referred to physio 18 months ago. Was told to just take painkillers and keep doing physio and she said I didn't need MRI scans. Eventually got MRI scans earlier this year. Apparently they can't refer direct to a Consultant now and only to a musculoskeletal clinic. Which was when I asked about a private referral and GP was keen for that.

I think I will ask for the referral to the musculoskeletal clinic and/or a second opinion referral - it would help if someone could recommend someone. All you need is some discussion and options and be involved in decisions isn't it?

I had considered an osteopath as had good experience of that in the past but apparently that's not an option due to being on blood thinners.

pascal30 I agree. I've just read the post from thatsnotmeinthemirror and my first thought was 'now there's a lady who is taking responsibility for herself ...'

I am sorry you had this unsatisfactory private appointment. I self referred to nhs physio as we can here and after a few weeks of her trying to help me she referred me to the nhs orthopaedic consultant. I was given an appointment within 3 weeks and saw him last week and already have an appointment for an mri later this month.
Do you understand the reasons why they won’t put you on the list for replacement knees? If you don’t have arthritis you may not benefit from surgery, but they need to explain this to you. Clearly.

Try an osteopath for better help than your useless consultant. I too had a bad experience with an NHS consultant who was obviously cruising towards retirement. His reviews were very poor as well. We deserve better than this. The osteopath I use is brilliant. Doesnt charge 200.00. More like 50.00.
Chin up. And just write this one off.

Sorry to hear about your situation. .Would second the u3a suggestion. We have lots of members with mobility issues. Most halls are accessible these days.

Ps my actual question to the consultant was what could be done about it?

If it helps to know that recently a consultant told me that I had a life threatening condition but it didn’t need treatment. I then saw a registrar who told me that the team were worried about my mental health - that is my response to being told that I had a life threatening condition.
I have the great joy - not - of going for another ct scan with dye, what fun this afternoon.
If at all possible I hope you find a pleasing diversion- growing chillies from seed, lupins and dahlias too. Simple pleasures help.
Do you have a physio or a gym nearby with physios? You sound as if direct support rather than talking to consultants is the better way ahead.

I don’t think he had even seen the scans or report. Had a call from GP surgery today to say the referral letter was ready to collect. It hasn’t been sent off (they had said it would go electronically) and that attached the scan report. It was because of the scans I had the referral. I’m beginning to think it was my age or he just didn’t accept how restricting my life has been the last few years due to the pain. I wish I could just kneel. Maybe I should then I’d end up in A&E in screaming agony with a locked knee again. More likely to get something done.

Do you think there is any possibility that he looked at the scans and didn't find anything to worry about? Could you ask for a second opinion?

Well so much for feeling positive and motivated about doing something about my knees. Just paid £200 for the private specialist appointment and it was the most horrible, humiliating, demoralising experience. The man was dismissive, patronising and basically hinted I was a hypochondriac. Sent me away to do more physio. I was in tears afterwards. Told him the knock on effects, not being able to do gardening etc. Said I used to kneel to do it. He said well just kneel then. I feel really quite depressed about it. I don't think that's normal. I expected someone to behave like a Doctor - maybe show me the scan and explain things. It was the last appointment of the day and he doesn't have any more for two weeks - reckon he was about to go off on holiday. Not sure what to do now. Am I supposed to just do physio for the rest of my life and not walk?

Aquafit is great for mobility issues and as others have said U3A for whatever interests you and volunteering is good for the soul. Good luck.

I'm absolutely sure that if you contacted the choir and your church saying you need assistance, that there would be lots of able bodied people willing and able to help you.. If you do it in advance and say you don't like a fuss they could settle you in early.. Don't NOT do something because you feel uncomfortable, think of the pleasure of making friends and enjoying the activity.. we all need help with something and that's what being part of a community is all about..

Thank you all. It's no fun is it Notagranny? :-)

I will check out U3A. I feel restricted from going to a lot of places because I can't do steps - not even one or two. It is a nightmare having to check everything out in advance if going somewhere. Not many places have a ramp. Choir for example - Church would be an issue due to steps - but I'm sure there are other choirs. I have a sort of ramp I take with me sometimes but .............And toilets! So many places have toilets either up or down stairs. It does make me slightly anxious. So I suppose I have avoided going to places for this reason. And I don't like making a fuss.

Volunteer.

Hi Gentleshores you sound a lot like me! My moblity is pretty poor, and I can't garden anymore. I had a couple of falls in the garden so am not very confident walking outside. I know you said that you wanted something a bit more active, but my salvation has been family history. It keeps my mind sharp and provides plenty of intellectual stimulation even though I have no grandchildren to benefit from my research. Ialso recently joined the village book club, which I have to be transported to, but am really enjoying it. Good luck with finding something you enjoy!

Join your local U3A.
Join Townswomen’s Guild
Check your local library for other groups

Have you considered joining the U3A?
There are groups catering for all interests. I have found it an absolute lifeline since moving to a new town. I agree about joining a choir. My choir has a number of members with mobility issues. Goods luck!

Might be good to join the U3A as they have monthly meeting usually in a hall or similar. The members organise different kinds of activity groups - for instance I organise a book club that meets in people’s house once a month. I also run a Family History Research group that meets in my house. I go to a play reading group held in the hall plus try to join some theatre group outings. If you are not very mobile there are usually people who will pick you up and take you back after the meeting- I know I do this for one member who otherwise couldn’t get there. One for mobility reasons - another for failing sight. It’s a good organisation with lots of different interest groups- good luck.

Join the library
Sing in a choir
Join the WI
Join onlineWEA
Find a book group
Seated exercise classes

Good luck