Acknowledging limitations!

Sorry, shoukd say”M25”, not M35!!!

What a shame Bluesmum I drove that stretch of M25 a few weeks ago and the amount of road works was awful but the traffic was pretty slow. It’s the right choice though if it’s knocked your confidence so much.
Nothing like your experience but this morning I was walking in a local park that has man made hills for walking up and down having walked the highest one I was about to take my usual shortcut down when it looked very dry and gravelly and the thought crossed my mind if I slipped on the gravel I’d slide on my arse to the bottom not a good idea with 2 hip-replacements so I resolved that I wouldn’t come down that way anymore but take the path.
Yes you are right common sense tells us what to give up, I hope your bad dreams fade and it won’t affect you so much.

I don’t drive and my husband now in his seventies hates it. He just hasn’t got the patience for it anymore. We regularly drive from outer London to Brighton and is a nightmare.
He also won’t drive at night because the awful glaring headlights they get away with now make visibility terrible.
I remember the ‘dip don’t dazzle’ campaign back in the day, obvs that doesn’t apply anymore.

I know exactly what you mean.. my car broke down recently due to electrical faults, in a dangerous place whilst I was on holiday.. It has been a nightmare ever since with towing.. teh RAC no longer arrange a garage for you if they can't mend by the roadside.. anyway the upshot is that after 4 weeks parked on a roadside the citroen garage finally found a slot and are charging me £3,700 for repairs.. I will be selling as soon as I get it back.. I will be saving more than £20 per week with insurance, parking permit, road tax etc without even using it and have decided to get a rail card.. I have good local buses and easy access via train to London.. I feels a relief now..

So sorry you had those terrifying incidents Bluesmum but you’ve probably made the right decision. The problem is that public transport is so expensive and so dire that it often is not a viable alternative.

If it’s worrying you to that extent, you’re very wise to stop IMO.

One reason I changed my old car just a few years ago (it was very old) was because I’d become anxious about the possibility of it dying on me, on an invariably very busy 6 lane section of the M25 near Heathrow - a route I need to take often on the way to the M40 and dds in Oxford.

With a much newer car I don’t worry any more. At 75 I hope I’ll be able to continue driving for quite a while yet - though I do firmly draw the line at any unlit country roads after dark.

Driving now is challenging for me and many. Busier and faster, and seemingly lots of drivers lacking in common sense or good manners.

I still drive, but pick my routes. I avoid motorways as they just do not feel human scale to me. I use a short stretch of the little local motorway sometimes. I am better driving our single track lanes round here - although they carry their own hazards.

I do firmly draw the line at any unlit country roads after dark. - I find the lanes round here safer in the dark as you can see oncoming cars by their lights which you cannot do by day.

I am very sympathetic to this. I do think that it is necessary to acknowledge liitations sensibly, especially when it comes to driving.
Having said that, some years ago, I was feeling in a similar situation, but my parents relied on me to visit. I did a short course (most driving schools have one) to help me deal with motorways (official title) and idiots (not official title) and it helped greatly.
When you have recovered from this ordeal (yes, it's awful!) I suggest you consider such a course. If you do it, you may still feel that you can't tackle such a journey, but it may make a difference.
Good luck,whatever you decide!

Luckygirl3

*I do firmly draw the line at any unlit country roads after dark.* - I find the lanes round here safer in the dark as you can see oncoming cars by their lights which you cannot do by day.

Are they familiar lanes though?
Any I might in theory drive on, would not be familiar at all. I’m certainly happier with very familiar routes nowadays, whether in daylight or not.

Thank you all for your response, it’s good to know I am not on my own. Nannarose, I did do a course on Motorway driving, shortly after my late dh gave up driving due to his ill health and I learned a lot and was very confident of my ability to cope,but now it is the actions of other careless idiots on the motorway who really don’t know what they are doing that have taken my confidence away when it comes to staying safe! My life is just too precious to me to risk it anymore! I will still travel to Kent, but I will go by train, excellent service from here to Kings Cross, then Uber or public transport to SE London where I will pick up a small rental car to get to my friends in Kent, as there is absolutely no public transport in their area.

Lots of understanding and empathy from me, I think you have made the right decision.
I really wish that I was a confident driver but acknowledge that I am not, the last think I would want to do is endanger anyone else due to my nervousness and hesitancy so my driving routes are limited these days.
Have you explored other options for your travel?

Ah apologies - crossed posts

You sound very sensible.
The M11 and M25 were always hair raising. I think as we get older we have a tendency to drive more cautiously, which sometimes translates to slowly in the eyes of other drivers. So then they want to push in or make us go faster. I find it intimidating.
I'm no longer happy about driving 4 hours up to London. The M3 is marginally quieter than the M4, but the M25 is horrible.
We are about to buy our last car and I'm just praying I'll get a few more years feeling confident enough to carry on driving. Once it starts worrying you and disturbing your sleep, it makes sense to stop.

We regularly drive north to Scotland on either the M6 or M1/A1M. I prefer to do the latter part of the driving after TBay or Scotch Corner.
Whenever we go South to see family in Surrey we are amazed at the amount of traffic that jams up the M3. It seems to be 24 hours non stop!
None of this phases DH who learnt to drive in London and passed his test at 17.

I have not driven on a motorway for many years and now it is very local to pick up shopping or whatever. I intend to give up my car this year, better my decision or one made for me.

I will miss it as I do like to look out of the window, see it and think I must go to x. I am sure I will save a lot of money but it is the convenience I like.

Bluesmum

Thank you all for your response, it’s good to know I am not on my own. Nannarose, I did do a course on Motorway driving, shortly after my late dh gave up driving due to his ill health and I learned a lot and was very confident of my ability to cope,but now it is the actions of other careless idiots on the motorway who really don’t know what they are doing that have taken my confidence away when it comes to staying safe! My life is just too precious to me to risk it anymore! I will still travel to Kent, but I will go by train, excellent service from here to Kings Cross, then Uber or public transport to SE London where I will pick up a small rental car to get to my friends in Kent, as there is absolutely no public transport in their area.

Thank you for your response - and I do understand - just last weekend on the M1 I was very anxious (no hard shoulder!). Am just about coping!

I have a friend who lives in London. She does just as you suggest - she takes a train to her destination and picks up a small car to get about in a rural area. She aims to pick the car up in the morning / early afternoon and drives around a little in a quiet area to get used to it. She always gets one with a satnav (but you can always take your own or use your phone).

I drive short journeys but everywhere I can get the bus (free) or the train (senior railcard) I do- easy and no stress.

We also use our bus passes and railcards. We are planning to get rid of the car and what money we save can be used for taxis if necessary.

Suggestion about taxis: I live in a rural area, and there aren't very many taxis, they are often booked up, especially at school drop off / collection times.
Local friends who have given up their cars say it's a good idea to book a taxi every so often, even if you could get a lift. The taxi firm get to know you, and if they see you as a 'regular' are more likely to be helpful when you need to get to an appointment at an awkward time.

We haven't driven in the UK for over 6 years. Prior to that we used to visit my BIL and his wife who lived in Kent. It was a nightmare. The M3 to Ashford was crowded with cars jockeying for position and then the country roads were fairly busy in the evenings. We always arrived after the rush hour but even at 8 or 9 o'clock at night there were many cars coming towards us with lights full on.

Coming back home to France it was a relief to get on the autoroute westwards from Calais. Not much traffic and a smooth road surface. When we go out night, on the way home it is rare to pass another car on a 30 or 40 minute journey. Bliss.

The last time we drove from Yorkshire to E.Sussex to family even DH -a very confident driver was shaken by two near miss accidents -in fact he later rang a haulage company to complain about a lorry drivers dangerous driving. And I now hate the M62 as its so busy and there seem to be more reckless and impatient drivers in general. I don't dodder along but it seems certain drivers -always seems to be BMW or Audis driven by men !- push up your rear end even if you are driving right up to the speed limit.

Washerwoman, I drive a BMW!!! I was grateful for the power when I escaped from the madnFrench woman in a Fiat 500, who had suicidal delusions of grandeur!!!

Luckygirl3

*I do firmly draw the line at any unlit country roads after dark.* - I find the lanes round here safer in the dark as you can see oncoming cars by their lights which you cannot do by day.

I'd rather drive round our country lanes, even at night, than on any motorway, apart from a short stretch nearby which is relatively quiet.