Presence not Presents

Apologies, but I haven’t read all the comments, so mine might be repetitive. If this friend is completely dismissing your suggestions, I think she is being selfish and insensitive to what you would prefer to do. Surely, after a friendship of 50 years she would have some idea of your likes/dislikes? You obviously don’t want the ‘experience’, so tell her in no uncertain terms, but in a kindly manner. Then repeat that you no longer wish to exchange presents and would rather treat each other to a birthday lunch. At Christmas you may suggest a nice bottle of wine or some quality chocolates. At our age, we can do without the clutter of unnecessary items!

Thank you all for your replies and suggestions.

Posters are right, she is getting a lot of enjoyment from shopping for the presents. She never sees me wearing, using or having them out, so she must realise that they aren’t to my taste. So,I’m going to combine some of your suggestions. I will suggest to her that we spend a maximum of £15 on each other. The gift should be from a charity or should benefit a charity in some way. So, for example food for a foodbank. In fact my son’s present to me is a trip to a supermarket together where he sets a limit and we shop for a local charity. If she doesn’t want to do this, I’ll suggest we buy each other lunch. If she refuses that then I’ll tell her I would much rather not swop presents and just stop.

Regarding the voucher - it’s too outing for me to say exactly what it’s for, (skydiving would have been perfect!) think along the lines of clay pot making, where to take the pot home costs extra and you hate the feeling of wet clay, it’s not this but a close analogy. I think for the sake of our friendship I will use it as she has already paid for it but refuse to add any more money to it.

You have my sympathy, I would hate to be in your situation. I have two friends I have known since my teenage years , we have an unspoken rule - no gifts ! Just a card. All three of us are very close and we appreciate our long standing friendship and support one another when necessary.
I think you must bite the bullet and tell her as gently as possible that gift buying has to stop. Nobody wants to be cluttered up with stuff they neither want or need! It would drive me up the wall. Good luck.

Maybe you could both give each other a short list of three items you would actually like and then pick one. Then it would still be 1/3 of a surprise. As for all the stuff cluttering that yiu don't want yiu could donate some of it to a local charity to raffle for a good cause or just sell it on a different site.

If you do not want the presents she gives you then no matter how expensive they are give them to a charity.

Whatever present she has now lined up for you then on the day it is to happen you have to explain you could not do it as you were ill.

It seems she is either too stuck in her ways to change or is indifferent to your needs and is only doing what she wants to do. Once she realises she is throwing money away she might just stop.

In my circle of friends we usually have a whp-round to buy a bigger present for a significant birthday.

Today I had the chance to ask one of them what she would like us to get her for her upcoming celebration.

She wouldn't give me an answer except to say, 'I don't really know I haven't thought about it.'

I replied, 'well give it some thought and let us know, otherwise you'll just get something crap you don't really want...'

In line with another poster's suggestion - you could rewrap the presents she has given you and give each one back with the comment 'Remember you bought me one some time ago ? I thought you would like one'. It would save you some money and give you time to withdraw from the gift exchange. Plus remove them from your house.

Glad you've made your mind up about the 'experience'. You could always pay the extra and present the 'make' to your friend for Christmas

Oh, stop with the presents after 50 years!

TELL HER you will stop buying but you will not forget her. Bring her flowers or a homemade Chocolate Zucchini Bread, cookies, wine, etc. Those small things are appreciated too.

People DO like to buy gifts but she may cut back when you don’t reciprocate in exactly the same way you now prefer. She’ll get the message. If she bases her friendship with you around gift giving… well, that’s her problem.

Choose a new platform to sell the unwanted gifts eg Vinted which is easy to use. Remember to choose a new name for it not the same as you use on eBay

You need to pluck up the courage and talk to her about the situation. If she is a real friend she will understand.

I’ve stopped with the presents- only do special birthdays.. told my family to stop buying me presents as I can’t afford to be buying eight presents for my DB family, there’s only me & hubby, he gets nothing. You just have to be honest with people

I think you should continue to stress to your friend, that you do not wish to continue giving and receiving presents, but would rather just celebrate with a lunch. I know you have already tried this and it has fallen on "deaf ears" but having had a similar experience with friends, and one in particular who just did not want to "give it up", I just kept repeating it, making sure that when a birthday or Christmas giving was coming up to firmly remind her, NO GIFTS. Unfortunately, the thing that finally convinced her I meant it was I did not give her a present but asked her to lunch only. She finally got the message when I brought no present. I told her how much I valued just spending time with her, that this was our presents to each other. I think it is possible she may "seem" offended for awhile, but if you are true friends, it is not going to change the friendship except maybe for the better.

Tell her you don’t want presents and won’t be buying any from now on. If she buys you one don’t reciprocate. Give the unwanted stuff to charity shop - they will benefit from it even if it doesn’t match the original cost.
Pay for your next meal out and tell her that’s your present for her birthday or whatever . She will soon get the message.

What a peculiar situation, why your friend insists on exchanging Christmas and birthday gifts sounds bizarre. Friends and I do this only when we have a 0 on the end of a birthday. I have taken one friend out for a birthday lunch because she's bought quite a few plants over for our garden, with advice for planting since we moved. I also find it strange that, if you've had a long standing friendship, she doesn't seem to know you well enough to acquaint herself with what your preferences are, or does she buy you what SHE thinks you should have. I'd return the experience voucher and diplomatically tell her it's not something you really want, and at the same time maybe suggest as many of these gifts seem to miss the mark, "lets not carry on buying each other stuff that we don't really want". Maybe treat each other to lunch or afternoon tea instead.

Short of actually giving her the presents back immediatelyI don't know what the answer is.

Tell her your wishes, explain that you would far sooner have a meal together, point out that you are both spending money on pointless items - she will get the picture eventually